Preaching to the damn choir! And now that you've brought it up, I think this might be a good time to share how my partner and I are dealing with it, in case y'all are struggling too! https://twitter.com/emilybuckshot/status/1247272483880722432

Joe and I have been very, very close friends for about 3, 4--maybe even 5 years now? It's foggy. We've been dating long-distance for two of those years. In other words--he's quite literally my best friend, and we've had a lot of time to get used to this idea of being apart.

It also helps that our friendship was also long distance! So, entering an LDR wasn't uncharted territory for us. And I think it also helps that we're both writers--so we're both a bit naturally introverted. We live in our heads. But, we started on a solid foundation of trust.

All of that is fine and dandy, and might sound like a perfect system, but it's not. I have crippling battles with depression and PTSD. Joe has RA. We're both people with disabilities, and thrive when we know we have someone to support us physically. LDRs don't make that easy.

I'll be very frank, when we have an upset, it's generally because of me--ometimes it's because Joe's a stupid boy--but it's usually because I struggle *A LOT* with letting people in. I have a tendency to isolate, push away and run when I feel like someone is getting to close.

I know! Me? Mean? Angry? Scared? Who is that? Parts of me. Over the years of us being together, we've worked a lot on how to effectively communicate and work with one another, and a lot of it is really simple. Like, you'll be angry simple.

One of the things we love to do is just a video call when we're working, or when we're playing games. It's not the same as being able to snuggle up next to each other, but it gives us a feeling of presence. Sometimes we don't even talk. We just live how we live.

Other times we go weeks without video calls, and just check in here and there via text. Sometimes we call each other sobbing. Sometimes we just send each other cute pictures of animals, or bad memes. And of course, we change our messenger nicknames all the time.

I think for Joe and I, distance has worked so well for us because we're already very independent people, and we're finding a way to grow together too. A big part of that has been learning how to practice nonviolent communication, and how to argue.

Frankly, Joe puts up with a lot from me. He's got the patience of a saint, and I'm grateful for it every single day. I'm a MASSIVE crybaby though, and when I feel like I'm in trouble, I CRY A LOT. Sometimes this makes Joe feel like he's walking on eggshells.

And sometimes, that's true. But that's also just my natural reaction! I can't help it, you know? Just like when he gets really calm and somewhat passive when he argues, I cry my damn eyes out. It's really embarrassing tbh.

I think things would be different for us if I wasn't working on recovery? If I wasn't actively trying to be better for me or take responsibility for my actions and their impact--I don't think he and I would still be together. That's not me saying everything is my fault!

It's me saying that I feel like this LDR has only worked for us because we have such mutual faith and confidence in one another "are they going to judge me? are they going to dump me?" isn't part of our equation. We're more focused on "Ok, how can we support each other today?"

We have interesting circumstances and challenges that I don't think a lot of couples usually have to deal with. He has a fairly average biological family, and I have a gigantic chosen family. He likes to hold on, and I can mercilessly let go. He's disorganized, and I'm ticky.

We aren't always able to see eye to eye, and yeah, we're scared about the future for ourselves, our life together and for our careers. But I think what's always been our glue is that, lol, we really, really love each other, beyond romance, and beyond friendship.

I think when you're able to establish comfort in an LDR, you can be successful, even when it's really, really, really hard sometimes. I don't know if our plans will be shaken again, or if we'll see each other again any time soon. We don't have answers, but, we have each other. <3