Quarantine thoughts as portrayed by Michael Scott (thread)

#QuarantineLife #Covid_19 #COVID #QuarantineDiaries #Quarantine @SteveCarell @johnkrasinski @theofficenbc

Day 1: Boss sends out an email stating everyone has to work from home starting tomorrow. Finally.
Day 2: Hell yeah I’ll have a beer while I write emails from my couch. Pants? Who needs them. This is great.
Day 3: Already ate all of your snacks by noon. Calories don’t count in quarantine.
Day 4: You finally have the time to binge watch that one TV show that you’ve been putting off for years.
Day 5: Brad from accounting sends you link to a video from Friday Beers. You cackle, then go down a YouTube click hole that lasts 4 hours. You finally understand the beef between Kanye West and Taylor Swift.
Day 6: Your body hates you for consuming nothing but garbage for the past 5 days so you decide to download the Nike App and do a home workout. Summer bod here I come.
Day 7: Boredom sets in. Your mom told you to stop calling her 5x a day. However, your Instacart came today and your snacks are restocked. All is well.
Day 8: You download TikTok and try to learn the popular dances that all of the cool kids are doing these days. Savage by Megan Thee Stallion gets stuck in your head.
Day 9: You quickly give on your dreams of becoming TikTok famous and decide to brave the outdoors and go for a run. Bad decision. It’s pollen season. You can’t breathe. Is it the Rona or allergies? You call your friend in med school. It’s allergies.
Day 10: You impulse bought Rosetta Stone while drunk last night.
Day 11: In an effort to support local businesses, you order takeout and cry the whole way home because your favorite bar tender said he misses you.
Day 12: Your coworkers set up a happy hour over Zoom that started at 4. You black out 6. That’s just show biz baby.
Day 13: Even your dog is getting sick of you being home all the time. You call your mom again. She ignores you.
Day 14: You turn on the news and see that Virginia has stay-at-home orders until June 10th. Yikes.
Day 15: Florida still hasn’t closed their beaches. The stock market is crashing. CVS is out of toilet paper. You are on your last roll. Tough decisions will have to be made soon.
Day 16: You start narrating your daily activities without even realizing it.
Day 17: Staring out your blinds is your only source of live entertainment. You take a shot every time you catch the couples across street getting hot and heavy. Your upstairs neighbor Pat has joined the game. 5 shots in and you are both hammered.
Day 18: Netflix dropped Tiger King... this sounds interesting. Wonder what it’s about.
Day 19: Carole Baskin, who definitely killed her husband, inspires you to go through your closet to see if you own any tiger print apparel. Sadly you don’t, but you came across other gems and put on a fashion show.
Day 20: Facebook reminds you that it’s your birthday. You were supposed to be on a flight to Germany right now. Instead you ate questionable leftovers for dinner and blacked out by 8pm.
Day 21: You imagine a fall without football and immediately curl into a ball and cry. This is why you don’t eat bats.
Day 22: You break up with Tiffany because you can’t stand the thought of being stuck in quarantine with her.
Day 23: Time doesn’t exist. Neither does the days of the week. You don’t remember the last time you washed your hair. Maybe Tuesday? You are going stir crazy. Parkour sounds like a good idea to pass the time. You break a lamp. Good, you now have a project to do tomorrow.
Day 24: Trolling influencers on Instagram is your new day job since you’ve got furloughed. No one cares about your trip to Paris last year Karen or your skin care routine Mary Beth.
Day 25: You’ve realize that 2020 is a total waste of a year. Tears stream down your face as replay the last time you were at a bar with your friends. Life sucks. You black out by 4pm.
You can follow @smorganfrazier.
Tip: mention @twtextapp on a Twitter thread with the keyword “unroll” to get a link to it.

Latest Threads Unrolled: