I want to type unspeakable things into this box

this thread will be a kind of live meditation on the feeling, in lieu of actually typing them out here we go

there is anger. so much anger. a feeling of being betrayed by those who were entrusted with authority and a duty to use that authority wisely.

the reaction to this feeling of betrayal is a desire for revenge. to lash out and hurt them back, 10x the way they've hurt us.

there is sadness. so much sadness. sadness at watching the world I thought I knew fall away in an instant. sadness at being denied the pleasures that enriched my life and gave me daily motivation.

the reaction to this sadness is anger. see above.

there is a darkness in there that wants to hurt people and get away with it. total unrepentant violence and destruction, meted out to those who have earned such treatment. I don't have to name names. You already know who they are.