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The Bible tells us to honor our parents.
How does this come into play when we want to make huge life decisions especially the choice of a life partner?
#LetsOpenTheBible
The Bible tells us to honor our parents.
How does this come into play when we want to make huge life decisions especially the choice of a life partner?
#LetsOpenTheBible
The Bible tells us (as children) in more than 5 passages of scripture to “obey our parents in the Lord...”
It’s the first commandment with a promise. In some of the passages, it says “honor your parents...”
What does it mean? Is it to do everything your parents say?
It’s the first commandment with a promise. In some of the passages, it says “honor your parents...”
What does it mean? Is it to do everything your parents say?
Proverbs 22:6 says to parents, “train up your child in the right way, so that when he is old he won’t turn from it.”
Surely ‘when he is old’ doesn’t mean elderly, because by then there’s nothing to turn from as most life’s phases are already through.
Child = not yet an adult.
Surely ‘when he is old’ doesn’t mean elderly, because by then there’s nothing to turn from as most life’s phases are already through.
Child = not yet an adult.
If a child is trained well while young and dependent, he/she will lead a quality life when adulthood comes because of the choices they’ll make.
PS: this training greatly includes being taught to love and honor God.
PS: this training greatly includes being taught to love and honor God.
The Bible also teaches that there’s a time for absolute dependency and that’s when it’s time to marry.
Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7.
Basically, you leave your parents and cleave to your spouse. Spouse becomes your new nuclear family, parents become extended family.
Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7.
Basically, you leave your parents and cleave to your spouse. Spouse becomes your new nuclear family, parents become extended family.
Look at Proverbs 18:22.
“He that finds...”
It is the responsibility of every person to find THEIR OWN spouse. You have the Holy Spirit within you to guide your choice, but the choice is yours to make and it’s very crucial that you choose.
“He that finds...”
It is the responsibility of every person to find THEIR OWN spouse. You have the Holy Spirit within you to guide your choice, but the choice is yours to make and it’s very crucial that you choose.
You’ve heard many times that love is not a feeling. Love is a perpetual combination of a ‘feeling’ and the ‘doing’.
The feeling: basically all that lovey dovey stuff.
Very important, but note that it can go on leave sometimes. It’s not enough to sustain marriage.
The feeling: basically all that lovey dovey stuff.
Very important, but note that it can go on leave sometimes. It’s not enough to sustain marriage.
The doing: summed up in two words
- duty (intentional acts)
- commitment (comes because you chose)
This doing part is what remains to keep the fire when the feeling is on leave.
It’s a daily affair and is the real backbone of the marriage in my humble opinion.
- duty (intentional acts)
- commitment (comes because you chose)
This doing part is what remains to keep the fire when the feeling is on leave.
It’s a daily affair and is the real backbone of the marriage in my humble opinion.
But you can’t commit all the way if you didn’t choose.
This commitment is made in the very core of your being and you’re helped by the Holy Spirit daily because He led you into this choice.
So again I emphasize, YOU MUST CHOOSE THIS PERSON...YOUR CHOICE.
This commitment is made in the very core of your being and you’re helped by the Holy Spirit daily because He led you into this choice.
So again I emphasize, YOU MUST CHOOSE THIS PERSON...YOUR CHOICE.
So what happens when your parents say no to your choice? Do you bend to their will or stand firm on yours?
It depends on you, really.
- What’ve you seen in prayer about this person you’ve chosen?
- What’s your assessment of their character?
- How much do you love the person?
It depends on you, really.
- What’ve you seen in prayer about this person you’ve chosen?
- What’s your assessment of their character?
- How much do you love the person?
If you don’t have answers to these questions, then maybe your parents are right. That also means you’re probably not ready for marriage because how have you chosen someone to marry when you don’t have these answers.
Children don’t marry o, only adults do.
Children don’t marry o, only adults do.
If your parents’ assessment of your level of maturity, wisdom and spiritual growth is unsatisfactory, they’ll probably oppose your choice of life partner. They’ll probably even oppose the entire idea of marriage at the time. But if they trust you, they’ll support you.
Now, you’ve chosen prayerfully.
The Bible says in there is safety when surrounded by counsel.
So your parents, spiritual leader and close friends should also see some of the good stuff you see in this person.
Their assessment should be considered too.
The Bible says in there is safety when surrounded by counsel.
So your parents, spiritual leader and close friends should also see some of the good stuff you see in this person.
Their assessment should be considered too.
In a situation where you have all these answers and your parents are in opposition, hear them out. What’s their reason(s)? Is it the tribe? Is it family status?
They have to tell you because they’re asking you to make the biggest decision of your life based on their will.
They have to tell you because they’re asking you to make the biggest decision of your life based on their will.
If their reason is not convincing enough for you, you have the right to stand firm on your choice.
I know this is easier said than done, especially for people with African heritage.
But remember that your parents won’t be in this marriage with you.
I know this is easier said than done, especially for people with African heritage.
But remember that your parents won’t be in this marriage with you.
Whatever the outcome, it’s you that will either enjoy it or suffer it.
I personally think it’s unfair and wrong for parents to expect their adult children to make these choices based on what they say.
Your parents have married their own marry. It’s time for you to do same.
I personally think it’s unfair and wrong for parents to expect their adult children to make these choices based on what they say.
Your parents have married their own marry. It’s time for you to do same.
If they’re adamantly opposing, look for counsel amongst respected people in your life: your pastor, respected relative, family friend (who they know and also respect).
Explain the situation to them and seek help convincing your parents to support you.
Explain the situation to them and seek help convincing your parents to support you.
If this still doesn’t work, AS LONG AS YOU ARE CONVINCED IN YOUR SPIRIT THAT THIS IS YOUR LIFE PARTNER, you’ll have to eventually go ahead and get married.
Mum and Dad will be fine, eventually.
Ensure you do not disrespect them in anyway, but still do what you must.
Mum and Dad will be fine, eventually.
Ensure you do not disrespect them in anyway, but still do what you must.
This may not be an easy route to take, but it does not compare to the joy of being married to the love of your life and fulfilling destiny together.
It also places more emphasis on your commitment to make it work so failure in marriage is NOT an option.
It also places more emphasis on your commitment to make it work so failure in marriage is NOT an option.
You must make sure that the marriage is built on the rock that is Jesus Christ and you’re both working daily to show each other the love of Christ and be an example to the single people around you who are looking forward to marriage.
If this is your situation, I pray first that God will touch the hearts of your parents and also grant you the boldness and courage in your heart to do what’s best for your future.
You are led and guided because you are God’s child. Trust His leading and stick to it.
You are led and guided because you are God’s child. Trust His leading and stick to it.
