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If someone is struggling with being under lockdown, it may feel like a good idea to say, "Don't worry, everything will be back to normal by May!"
That's actually the WORST thing you could say. Here's why, and here's what you can say instead. 1/x
That's actually the WORST thing you could say. Here's why, and here's what you can say instead. 1/x
It has to do with something called the "Stockdale Paradox."
It's not "no bad vibes" people who come out of a crisis stronger than ever. It's the "pragmatic optimists." They believe they'll get through it, but they also keep the reality of the situation in mind.
2/x
It's not "no bad vibes" people who come out of a crisis stronger than ever. It's the "pragmatic optimists." They believe they'll get through it, but they also keep the reality of the situation in mind.
2/x
This paradox is named after Admiral Jim Stockdale, who survived the "Hanoi Hilton" prison during the Vietnam War.
He was asked who didn't survive. He said: people who believed, "We'll be out by Xmas." When Xmas ended & they were still being tortured, they lost hope & died.
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He was asked who didn't survive. He said: people who believed, "We'll be out by Xmas." When Xmas ended & they were still being tortured, they lost hope & died.
3/x
Stockdale's mindset was different. He said, "I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade."
But he didn't put an end date on it.
4/x
But he didn't put an end date on it.
4/x
This was for the best. For nearly 8 years he was kept in leg irons, tortured, beaten, had his leg broken twice, and once slit his wrists to avoid betraying his fellow prisoners. (For more grim details, read his biography.)
And through it all, he believed he'd prevail.
5/x
And through it all, he believed he'd prevail.
5/x
For most of us, being under lockdown is nowhere near as bad as what Stockdale and his fellow prisoners went through.
(Some domestic violence victims are probably suffering similar brutality. Essential workers w/o sufficient PPEs are going through a different torture.)
6/x
(Some domestic violence victims are probably suffering similar brutality. Essential workers w/o sufficient PPEs are going through a different torture.)
6/x
The biggest challenge for many of us is the social isolation. Humans are social by nature.
Have you ever wondered why solitary confinement is considered so brutal, why some people go mad? This is why.
We have video calls. It's not the same as being able to touch someone. 7/x
Have you ever wondered why solitary confinement is considered so brutal, why some people go mad? This is why.
We have video calls. It's not the same as being able to touch someone. 7/x
Don't tell your struggling friends, "Everything will be normal by May!" That's not realistic.
Instead, focus on the fact that they will get through this. It will be tough. But they will get through.
And if you're the one who is struggling? 8/x
Instead, focus on the fact that they will get through this. It will be tough. But they will get through.
And if you're the one who is struggling? 8/x
If you're struggling: you will get through this.
You may lose loved ones in the next few weeks. Take time now to make sure they know you love them. You may struggle financially. Look for ways you can band together with other people to get help for yourself & your community. 9/x
You may lose loved ones in the next few weeks. Take time now to make sure they know you love them. You may struggle financially. Look for ways you can band together with other people to get help for yourself & your community. 9/x
Helping other people is another thing that can help you get through a crisis.
@SarahAveryBooks reminded me that another Hanoi Hilton prisoner, John Borling, tapped out poetry in Morse code to others in solitary (incl John McCain). It helped them all endure captivity. 10/x
@SarahAveryBooks reminded me that another Hanoi Hilton prisoner, John Borling, tapped out poetry in Morse code to others in solitary (incl John McCain). It helped them all endure captivity. 10/x
As Jacinda Ardern says, "Be kind to each other. Look out for one another."
You can use what you learn now to become a better person. And maybe you can use it to build a better community, and a better country.
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You can use what you learn now to become a better person. And maybe you can use it to build a better community, and a better country.
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