Let me tell y’all a crazy story. It is practically unbelievable.

So I’m out at Petsmart waiting for my dogs to come out of the pet hospital right. Side note; I got a chemical peel so I need to stay out of the sun So I go and park on the first floor in a parking structure. (1)

So I’m chilling minding my business and a bird lands on my car and looks at me so I casually beep the horn to get it to get the fuck off my car. He moves and goes sit near this tree where he can still see me. Then a couple more birds come over and sit near the tree. (2)

It’s 4 of them now. I think nothing of it. I hear them chirping, chitchatting and shit and again I think nothing of it. Fast forward I ordered pick up from red lobster across the street and I drive back to the same spot that I was in because I had a nice cool breeze and I (3)

can see the front door from my spot. As I’m parking I see the birds come out the dumpster And sit back under the tree. Once again I think nothing of it. So I’m ripping open my them biscuits. Than the shrimp linguini. Ugh it smelled so good. You know I was about to bust DOWN (4)

this food in the car and I see the birds start moving towards the car. It was like these lil shits smelled my food through the glass because than outta nowhere this cat popped out of nowhere and is just staring at me meowing and shit. I see them and (5)

I’ll beep my horn so they know to back the fuck up because now they right at the door. Larry, (The Dalmatian cat) that nigga betrayed me but we will get to that later. Anyway Larry is still coming so I’m like fine, he may be hungry. So I throw a biscuit out the sunroof. (6)

All of a sudden Larry and the birds swoop in faster than like bats outta hell but after a little scuffle, Larry took his piece and took off towards the dumpster. So I go back to eating my food. Now the chirping and chitchatting started getting louder and now there’s more (7)

birds flying over to the tree so I roll up all the windows and I close the sunroof or at least I THOUGHT I closed the sunroof. At some point Larry shows back up with 2 of his little friends (a black/white cat) Patricia and Karen (a dirty blonde cat) they start meowing and (8)

I’m like okay, ima give y’all one more biscuit and y’all gonna fuck off b|c I’m tryna eat too. So I quickly roll down the window and I’ll throw out a piece of biscuit. Tell me why, before the cats even realized what was happening, these birds swoop down and grab the biscuit (9)

right out of the air so now Larry and his crew is tight. So I immediately start laughing because I’m like ohhhh these pigeons are quick. So I break up the biscuit again and instead of thrown out the window I opened up my door and throw it to the cats. Next thing I know, (10)

Karen and Patricia are squaring up. Both on their back legs and they started fighting. I started beeping my horn and yelling. Karen was beating Patrica ass but she was bigger so It was crazy! Larry was sitting on the curb like it was an every day thing for him. I started (11)

Calling the cats over trying to give them more of my biscuit. I open my door a little bit, stick my arm out towards the bottom of the door closest to the ground. I do a little flick of my wrist, mid spiral, tell me why a bunch of birds swoop down at the same time the biscuit (12)

left my fingertips. As soon as I close the door, all I heard was BOOM scrap scrap scrap scrap, bang, bang & than everything fell silent. That shit scared the shit out of me me so I beeping my horn. Idk why I beeped but at the time it seemed like the logical thing to do (13)

Next thing, I see is Larry, Patricia and Karen walking off with a bird in Larry’s mouth. I could believe it. They all walked off towards the dumpster, never to be seen again. I was like WHAT IN THE TOM AND JERRY SHIT IS THIS?! I was floored. You see, them demon cats (14)

used me to get the birds to come closer to the ground. What made me so mad is they didn’t even eat my biscuit. Like bitch that biscuit was $1! Anyway, when the bird got caught, all the other pigeons flew off or so I thought. At that moment, a bird agreed I had them fucked up(15)

So I go to mixing up my pasta because it cooled down and started looking dry af and all of sudden bird SHIT fell thru the sunroof , hitting my face, my hand and splashing on my seats and straight into my pasta.

Them birds violated their the fuck out of me.

Fuck then birds.