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It’s just one of those nights where you just wanna be sad but be happy that the worst part of your life is over?! ( I know there will be more in the future but at least I will know how to handle it ) *story time! Is this a thread?! idk but here we go 
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I’m gonna start during my early college days... So I studied in DLS-CSB for 1 year and. I forgot how many months but I did Fashion Design and Merchandising! It was my dream school but with dreams comes nightmares.
The nightmare of it all was that I was gonna be far from my mom and family. Cebu and Manila is still far and as the youngest and only girl, of course that shit was hard. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😓" title="Face with cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Face with cold sweat">
I stayed in Benilde for a short time because I felt homesick and at that time, I was with my first boyfriend. Then we had problems so LDR was hard ,before, so I ended up going back home and quitting my dream school https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙁" title="Slightly frowning face" aria-label="Emoji: Slightly frowning face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥺" title="Pleading face" aria-label="Emoji: Pleading face"> OA dba? lol
Then I started in another University in Cebu. I went to the USC and studied Marketing Management. So new school, new environment, and new friends. At this time, my first relationship failed and I was devastated because I mean first heartbreak https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤧" title="Sneezing face" aria-label="Emoji: Sneezing face">
Eventually, got over my heartbreak. First Semester of College was better that I had expected. I think because I had my bestfriends there https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😊" title="Smiling face with smiling eyes" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with smiling eyes"> @_marionnemin @NikkiePolicios love u https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😘" title="Face throwing a kiss" aria-label="Emoji: Face throwing a kiss"> They made it feel like adjusting to a new place wasn’t that bad. YEY FOR HIGHSCHOOL FRIENDS https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💕" title="Two hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Two hearts">
They introduced me to their friends and I became friends with my batch mates so the new University didnt feel new at all and actually felt better than being in Benilde https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😊" title="Smiling face with smiling eyes" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with smiling eyes">
After the first semester, I had another boyfriend. Oh dba? Dali ma fall si ate girl?! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Face with tears of joy" aria-label="Emoji: Face with tears of joy"> 2nd & the first half of 3rd year college wasn’t that bad. At this point, I had joined many shows/pageants/Clubs. And my youtube channel even started to grow so I thought everything was finehttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😊" title="Smiling face with smiling eyes" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with smiling eyes">
But then I started getting low grades and I even reached a point in my life where I became very suicidal. I would go home crying or I would lock myself in my bathroom with a blade. I had no idea why
I have my suicidal side. Not many know this but I do. It can get very bad and bloody. So my mom took me to see someone for my “depression”. I still had no idea what was going on with me. This was probably during the end of 2nd year of college https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤷🏽♀️" title="Woman shrugging (medium skin tone)" aria-label="Emoji: Woman shrugging (medium skin tone)">
I remember when my mom kept crying cause she was scared she would lose me one day. So of course, I had to reflect on what was happening at the time. So I had a checklist. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✔️" title="Heavy check mark" aria-label="Emoji: Heavy check mark">
1. Friends. Because of my second boyfriend, I was introduced to the world of smoking “bad” things. I dont wanna say it cause I dont like it. His friends did it but I was never into it and never did it. Even if he kept telling me to. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤢" title="Nauseated face" aria-label="Emoji: Nauseated face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤮" title="Face vomiting" aria-label="Emoji: Face vomiting">
2. Family. I dont have a dad anymore. He is with , excuse my language, his bitch https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤬" title="Face with symbols over mouth" aria-label="Emoji: Face with symbols over mouth"> I have a strong mom and 3 older brothers. I love my family but I have always felt pressure because I wasn’t like my brothers. I was different.
I didnt have a close bond with my family before. I was always with my boyfriend. Then I it hit me. The reason why I was lashing out was because I realized that I had the constant pressure of having to be the perfect daughter or sister.
I punished myself for not being as smart or as focused as my brothers. I turned to always going out, drinking, smoking cigarettes. I was super OFF TRACK. My grades were failing, I was the opposite of what I wanted to be.
Now here comes the Worst part of my life or the part where it all just went into chaos. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😤" title="Face with look of triumph" aria-label="Emoji: Face with look of triumph"> So I was probably already a year into my relationship and it was not great. I would skip class to go be with my guy. hangout with his friends. Then we kept fighting. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😰" title="Face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Face with open mouth and cold sweat">
To the people that know him, He has a nice side ok? and I know he changed now but this was just what happened before. Anyways, We would get into fights and my friends knew how bad it would get. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Flushed face" aria-label="Emoji: Flushed face">
I kept getting bruises. I even became physical because I was just so involved. So after 2 years and a few months, I broke up with him. Now the first time I broke it off, It was the worst day of my life. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😤" title="Face with look of triumph" aria-label="Emoji: Face with look of triumph">
I talked to him and he ended breaking my car mirror. ( Idk what it’s called but the one in the front ) He became crazy, I was so lucky I got out the car and asked for help. At this point, My closest friends and I started hiding because they were scared for my life https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😨" title="Fearful face" aria-label="Emoji: Fearful face">
After that, After a few months. I got back together with the guy. Yes! Stupid right? I know. my friends hated me for it but they supported cause I “loved” him. blah blah...
So then Depression and The Suicidal side got me again. It took me a while to realize that I was actually going back to the person that made me the worst version of myself https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😓" title="Face with cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Face with cold sweat">
I love my college besties btw! ( @JeduthunJake, @_jamesmanzo, @sheenaavstl, @NikkiePolicios, Jannete, Rashell.) They were the ones that kept be going and kept cheering me up https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💕" title="Two hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Two hearts"> They were always there when I needed to cry https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤧" title="Sneezing face" aria-label="Emoji: Sneezing face"> They kept me smiling even though things were rough!
After a while, I broke it off with my second boyfriend. Weight were off my shoulders https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤗" title="Hugging face" aria-label="Emoji: Hugging face"> Never let a man control you. Especially if that person isn’t treating you right https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✨" title="Sparkles" aria-label="Emoji: Sparkles">
I then started seeing other guys. Not gonna mention names but then there was this 1 guy. I actually spent money on https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Face with tears of joy" aria-label="Emoji: Face with tears of joy"> It’s funny thinking about it now. I was chatting with him for like 1 month. I spent a total of 20k on him, estimated amount lang https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✌🏼" title="Victory hand (medium light skin tone)" aria-label="Emoji: Victory hand (medium light skin tone)"> Then he ended up playing me.
Hardcore pag ma in lab si ate mo! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Face with tears of joy" aria-label="Emoji: Face with tears of joy"> So Had to move on again. This time, things were better for me. My grades was better, I was doing well in other stuff. I even joined Cheerdance and So much love for that Family!
A few months after that 20k guy had past and I fell in love with another guy. This time it was different https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="✨" title="Sparkles" aria-label="Emoji: Sparkles"> Of course, I was scared to be serious again because I went through a traumatic moment in my life. I didnt wanna go through something like that again.
I met him by accident. Basically, I Wanted to drink with friends cause I was still “moving on” from my second boyfriend. I became really sad one night and I wanted to cry with Alcohol https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🍺" title="Beer mug" aria-label="Emoji: Beer mug"> Then I texted a friend to join in on the drinking... And he said Yes!
So my friend arrived at Route Stop. and he brought the “guy”. Let’s name him “Red” https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Face with tears of joy" aria-label="Emoji: Face with tears of joy"> Hours Passed, Red and I bonded and ended up talking for a week after.
At first I told myself that I wasn’t going to be serious with Red. I even thought he was a fuck boy because he was friends with other fuck boys https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Face with tears of joy" aria-label="Emoji: Face with tears of joy"> So then, 2 weeks passed.
Then I got a message from my ex. He said he missed me and he made a mistake. When I read it, not gonna lie. I said Good he realized his mistake. then I thought why not give him another chance?! BUT then he, again, went crazy.
Days after he messaged me, He showed up to my parked car in school. He banged on my window , I was inside the car waiting for my morning class. He kept banging the window and kept saying he was gonna go crazy and I was again Scared for my life!
I was so scared and I didnt know what to do I messaged Red and told him about it. Which was the wrong move to do because I kinda liked Red already at this point. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙃" title="Upside-down face" aria-label="Emoji: Upside-down face">
Anyways, I called a police to help me with my ex. A police came and told my ex to step away from the car. Being the crazy person he was, He stayed in the hood of my car. Then I had a chance to run out the car so I did! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😳" title="Flushed face" aria-label="Emoji: Flushed face">
I went to my friends and I cried. I spent all day running away from my ex. My friends and I went to busay after school and had a couple of drinks. I knew I was safe https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥰" title="Smiling face with 3 hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with 3 hearts"> Weeks had past and the worst stage of my life was OVER!
I probably went all over the place for this thread but I needed to let it out. I haven’t gotten shit out and twitter is just the place to do it! No judging okay?! we all have shit we wanna scream out.
