Been thinking about how we don't talk nearly enough about how bullies and abusers are often way, way more likable than their victims — or at least, we don't address that outside of some stereotypical high school jock/nerd context.

I don't think of myself as particularly "likable" — not because I'm cruel or anything, but because I'm awkward, and blunt, and easily exhausted by most people, and, most notably, *not a people pleaser*. And it has made me an easier target for likable abusers!

I used to collaborate with someone who was *extremely* a people pleaser, just really focused on keeping everyone else happy at their own expense. And for a while, I thought our partnership was a good balance: I was bad cop, they were good cop.

What I* did not anticipate, however, was this person eventually turning on me and using their likability to isolate me from the group we worked with.

* Foolishly, cause this wasn't the first time this had happened!

It's really awful when the person everyone likes and gets along with is the person who is tormenting you and being cruel to you. It's especially hard because it feels like you can't tell other people what's happening, because who'd believe that this nice person would be cruel?

Anyway. I do have this deep-seated fear that likable people will always be able to get away with harming me, with no dint to their reputation, because when push comes to shove, everyone is going to choose them over me. It really sucks to live with that feeling.

(I'm working on managing it though!! I promise I'm mostly okay; if I weren't okay I wouldn't be able to write this thread in the first place!)