CW: NSFW, discussing BDSM, Dom/Sub stuff, consent, and me having a bad day and basically having to step out of domspace with my sub.

1. I have permission to share this story.

2. I want to really challenge the idea that doms get to 'take out their frustrations' on their subs.

3. I have a friend I'm in a dom (me) / sub (him) relationship with and we're not full time because a) distance and b) jesus who has the time, but today was a bad day. Today was a really bad day.

Now me and *pup (for all intents and purposes for your sake - names removed) are involved in a scenario where he's being denied to pleasure himself. However after the day I've been having I realise that I cannot be a dom for this guy today. I can't give him what he needs.

I realise I cannot be the dom today because being a dom is something that requires a lot of discipline and restraint and responsibility.

Today put me in a really dark place with work and with money that was stolen from me and I knew right now that there is no way I can be a dom in any meaningful way.

Does this make sense? I feel like I'm talking in circles.

4. Also have you ever had such a bad say that you genuinely doubt everything that comes out of your mouth. "Did I say that?" "Should I explain that again?" "Did I use the right words?" Today is cancelled. Start again. Thank you.

5. But yes. Being a dom isn't a licence to do as you wish. Consent is still very important. And if you as a dom find yourself in a space where you think you might cause harm, where you think you might not be emotionally right enough to take on the responsibility, step out.

6. I promise you your sub will understand. 90% of the time your sub loves and cares as much about your well being as you do about them. And doms, it's okay if your sub sometimes takes care of you.

7. Subs out there, just because they're your dom doesn't mean they can just do anything without your permission. Consent is key.

8. Oh oh oh, also doms! You don't have to be the stoic, emotionally dead, greater-than-thou persona 100% of the time. It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to confide in your subs. It's okay to ask for help from your sub. Power shifts. You can be mean strict-dom-tomorrow again.

9. Just a lol:

"You're not like the doms in porn."
"Honey, nobody is, not even the actors who play them."