I bid you welcome to the completely not live blogging thread for Wrestlemania.

The opening is already one the best WWE have done in a while. Someone backstage finally watch an Edgar Wright movie. The ridiculous green screen antics. The 'we filmed Roman for this we're gonna use it.'

They had Gronk say 'end it 30 hours later' and WWE didn't just run with that literally. I'm shocked.

Starting with the women's tag team championship match. Everyone looking fantastic & performing fantastic. Asuka & Kairi are both simply brilliant even in such a peculiar environment. Loving Bliss & Cross too.

Considering this was all pre-recorded and edited ahead of time, it's certainly a curious decision to have the 'in ring dialogue' be so loud. As much as I love not hearing Cole & Layfield, it's almost distracting how much quieter the commentary is than Asuka's yells.

Finish could have been a little neater, but a very nice curtain jerker for the main show. In particular, the rivalry came across perfectly. Not sure their feud is going to continue onwards. Both teams did a good job. Love all these women, genuinely.

I maintain that Sami, Cesaro & Shin are the best completely thrown-together stable of incredible wrestlers. They're certainly the most adorable.

Elias out here looking like a pure snack. Ain't nothing new about that. Num num.

Okay. The sound mixing is going to continue to drive me insane. Perhaps a but of ambient noise wouldn't go amiss. For once, bless Cole for talking with volume & speed through the utter silence.

Referee in that match was doing her job & earning that paycheck.

A match I already know & am intrigued by the result of. One thing is certain, Becky & Shayna are both extremely good in their own ways. I'd love to see this story go further, the promo package set the stakes perfectly, but I'm not sure how WWE can proceed from here.

That finish was... an odd choice.

Thanks to Gulak, Mojo & Gronk for not letting Bryan walk out to absolute silence. This is the atmosphere every match deserved. This is my potential match of the night candidate based on talent alone. Honestly, everyone involved is amongst the best on the roster. Luv.

They're just five dudes & they're having a good time.

Daniel fucking Bryan. Just casually diving out into the barricade like the crazy bastard he is. This match is everything I wanted it to be so far. Loving all the dialogue in this too. The selling, the character, the story. Best at what they do.

I see the runtime was padded out with extensive advertising, however.

Absolutely loving Kofi's pastel hair & outfit combination. Very pretty indeed. Putting in a good showing in tough circumstances, as expected of a former world champion. The coloured in gear is such a neat edition.

The deafening silence is most obvious in this match, but there's been some wonderful spots & moments. (Just noticed Kofi's little armband too with the initials of Xavier Woods on them.)

(Posted this in the wrong bloody thread like a naan bread.) It's still weird ass ladder match time. Petition for John Morrison to bring his bedazzled abs back, please.

The ending was a little childish maybe but a creative one. Certainly made for a unique ending shot.

Owens & Rollins is my next candidate for match of the first day. Two incredible talents, a neat storyline, both great characters. (I swear I'll try to tweet less & be more concise lads.)

I know there's nothing WWE can do but preacher Seth walking out & basking in the glory of no one in the brightest whitest outfit like an evil little angel you'd put on your Christmas tree is just is... Something. I kinda love it.

Took a break to walk around my house aimlessly. What's a messiah to a non-believer?

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Rollins' slingblade? It's a move I literally never get tired of seeing. Those white pants are getting rather translucent mind you. Are those branded underpants? Fancy.

No disqualification? Juicy. (It was so quiet I could hear a camera shutter, damn.)

And by now we've all seen that sign jump & it's just a feat of brilliance. We love you, Kevin, we do.

Skipping past the universal championship match because I know the outcome & I don't particularly care about the outcome.

It's time for that much talked about 'boneyard match.' I'm going to love it regardless because it just sounds bonkers. And lil' Styles' accent when he says 'bone' is just the dandiest.

BIKER TAKER?! (Why is AJ such a smiley, hoppy, little bunny? I love him.)

Also did he borrow Elias' jeans? Baggy, red back pocket square, long. Such a precious bean.

I'm just gonna say it: the camera angles & the lighting are so inconsistent it's hard to watch. The editing is all over the bloody place. It's less 'hollywood' more 'web only reality series.' At least it's not completely silent, but y'all really couldn't have one fixed hard cam?

All the potentially awesome moments are destroyed. Ah, sad times.

Undertaker appearing behind Styles, engulfed in bright white light. A phenom sent from heaven. That was beautiful, that was nice. And the rooftop antics be slightly better directed. Slightly. It's good. It's fine.

"This gonna hurt my legacy." Nah, mate. It's not quite as bad as that match against Goldberg, yet.

HUGS. (That so aren't gonna end well. See? I told you. The sound of the ignition fucking got me though. I'm crying.)

#WrestleMania Day 1 watch-a-long is finished.