Our Bond marathon has taken us to the biggest pile of excrement yet - A View To A Kill. I will attempt to live tweet a thread.

So far at the start, Russians AND Ski-ing, two common tropes for Moore. Oh, and here is a helicopter, another one.

Oh Jesus Christ, John Glen has put in Beach Boys to accompany Bond snowboarding. Of course he has.

I hate John Glen. Shit director. We have just endured Octopussy, that sexist piece of shit - complete with Alvin Purple style cleavage shots - and now here we are.

Iceberg Ship, complete with bonking lounge and saxophone. Of course.

WOW. Duran Duran opening song. Can’t get anymore 80s... no, wait, glow in the dark nails and guns.

It’s not that bad a song - better than the previous one. I was thinking the other day, Phil Collins surprisingly missed out on doing one these.

One thing you can say for Roger - he doesn’t seem to have gone with plastic surgery. Lots of makeup and filters on the lens though.

They had big lapels in the mid 80s. Huge. And wow, what a high tech bit of kit.

Max Zorin - apparently it’s “impossible” for him to be a crook, according to the government bloke. So of course he is.

And now we see Christopher Walken and Grace Jones. At a horse race. Apparently they own a horse?

Pleasant surprise - Patrick Macnee as a trainer. No Mrs. Peel though.

God the accents are dodgy in Bond. All of them.

Now there’s some kind of act involving a whistling woman and butterfly puppets. The butterfly puppets are controlled by a member of TISM in a full mask.

Turns out the member of TISM is Grace Jones and she’s killed the worst Poirot rip-off ever attempted - “Monsieur Aubergine” or something like that. He was killed by a butterfly with bullet wings. No, maybe a blade. Bond makes a joke about a fly in his soup and runs off.

So, Grace Jones has just jumped off the Eiffel Tower and the obvious Moore stunt double has jumped on top of the lift in the Tower. Ugh.

Now for a John Glen trademark - Bond chasing people through a crowded city, and focusing on dumb onlookers making funny noises. Double ugh.

Grace Jones got away and did the most unconvincing villainous laugh imaginable. Chris Walken didn’t really have the heart for the laugh.

Disappointed we didn’t get a terrible boat race down the Seine. They loved having Moore doing those. But at least now we see Moore pretending to be a rich bastard at a horse sale.

We meet Jenny Flex. She will be in bed with Bond soon enough.
Flex: I love a morning ride
Bond : I’m an early riser myself

The dynamics between Moore and Macnee is pretty good. Now wait, the heavy saxophone starts when a sexy babe steps from the helicopter they are watching. The usual entendres ensue.

I am impressed how many brown vinyls died for Grace Jones’ jacket.

So glad Zorin has his own “International Bank”. Every supervillain needs one of those.

Man with weird frameless monocle and terrible German(?) accent talks about breeding. But leaves when Chris Walken arrives with ridiculous sunglasses.

Chris Walken and Grace Jones don’t know who James Bond is (??!) Apparently they almost bought the whole James St. John Smythe gambit. Pretty inefficient.

The first lair sighting (accessed by a nifty lift from the stables) by Moore and Macnee. Just an evil horse lab. The villains’ security team are fooled by a tape of Moore snoring. Zorin’s horses are made faster by microchips! What an evil supervillain!

Macnee isn’t allowed to have witty Avengers style quips in this one. Only Moore is allowed to have them.

Walken and Grace Jones are getting it on during a martial arts session, with Jones showing a love of biting.

Now this scene.

Now the first proper interaction between Walken and Moore. Walken has some pretty dope 8 bit imaging tech that tells him what everyone in the world already knows - that he is James Bond.

Chris Walken in a riding suit and helmet looks... odd.

Damnit. Someone has just killed Patrick Macnee. Damnit.

So now we get a horse race that is completely biased to Walken and cruel to the horses. Delightful. This course, though, seems a bit labour intensive - they need button pushers at every jump.

And their plan - to just push the car in the lake to kill Bond, is incredibly lame. Zorin is a rubbish supervillain at this point.

Walken is a KGB agent! Surprise! The Soviets now want him back. He just smiles and also whines. As @clairebbbear says, a whiny blonde supervillain is more convincing than a lot of them.

FINALLY! Zorin has a plan! Something something Silicon Valley. Asking for money from Big Industrialists. They protest, Goldfinger style. Grace Jones (Mayday...!) gets rid of the biggest protestors via a slippery dip out of the Supervillain airship.

This jacket represents a low point in the style of James Bond.

Talking of fashion.

Zorin just had someone chopped up by a boat blade, so that is also proper Supervillain areas.

Now this moment, with Moore being super sleazy.

Some bonding with a Soviet agent over some Tchaikovsky. This will end badly.

Ha, no it doesn’t, Bond has double crossed the Soviet agent! How clever! Anyway, now he is posing as a... journalist in this suit.

I know I am bagging it, but this currently better than Octopussy and For Your Eyes Only so far.

Oh, apparently Chris Walken is part of some sinister Soviet genetic scheme. Superhuman Supervillain.

This cat was a bit useless. @clairebbbear wants a Bond movie where there’s a house full of cats, fighting

There needs to a spin off movie where the cats from Dr. No and Blofeld’s lap all combine to bring down Bond.

Oh, Bond had dinner with a woman and they didn’t have sex.

Zorin is flushing water into wells to trigger an earthquake. Superman The Movie areas.

Fashion has died.

Walken makes a fine Supervillain - erratic, boastful and squeaky.

YES! Bond just had an exchange with a cop.
Bond: My name is Bond, James Bond
Cop: And I’m Dick Tracy. You’re still under arrest.
Bond then stole a fire engine.
Now we have a very 80s car chase and rock guitar soundtrack.

Roger is now unconvincingly swinging on a fire engine ladder. John Glen Hijinks ensue, including stripping the roof from a car where a couple were having sex.

The Very 80s chase even had a Blues Brothers style jump over a suspension bridge. And more hijinks with angry SF cops having their cars crunched.

Aside from a few poor moments, this movie is remarkably free of the sexism of the previous movies.

Anyway, we are at the Zorin mine. Walken in a hard hat. Grace Jones doesn’t need one - her hair would protect her against any flying object.

So yes, we are seeing that Zorin is trying to destroy Silicon Valley. Solid plan.

So from the Superman style plot to trigger the San Andreas Fault, now they are running around in shafts, Indiana Jones style.

Props to Grace Jones for wearing this outfit to chase down James Bond through mine shafts.

Now Zorin is killing all of his miners. That’s the thing, people - never work for Supervillains. They might pay well at the beginning, but they have no loyalty to you.

Walken laughing as miners die is psychotic areas.

Now Walken is machine gunning miners. And then ends with “Good. Right on schedule.” He’s another level from Blofeld, et al.

Grace Jones has realised that Zorin has double crossed her. She’s pissed off. So looking forward to her being like Jaws in Moonraker.

Grace Jones really is a saving grace of this movie. Very different style of actor than this series ever had before

Mayday’s sacrifice is genuinely moving, and played very well.

Now for the usual Bond style shenanigans. This time, on an airship.

Convincing stuff.

Very convincing

And with that, Chris Walken loses a fight with Moore and falls into the water. Some Superhuman Supervillain he turned out to be.

At this, @clairebbbear is disappointed that Bond didn’t say “oh, the humanity” when the airship exploded, Hindenburg style.

And the last scene Moore does as Bond - Q has a K9 style robot dog watch him have sex in a shower. Apt.

That’s it. It was surprisingly not as terrible as I thought it would be. Maybe that’s because it’s not as terrible as the previous two Bonds we have watched. To end - the most Walkenesque delivery of a line in the film.

Hi, @threadreaderapp, can you please do your thing to this thread.