So, I’m gonna be a little bit open here so just bear with me. I know I typically make jokes or whatever bc it’s easier than sharing my feelings and I don’t like being a downer but there is just so much going on and I think being open about our struggles will keep us connected 1/

I’ve been having a really hard time. Yes I miss my friends, I miss doing things, but I’m also struggling thinking about those that are being affected by this in much larger ways. My heart hurts that all I can do is stay home. (Yes I know it is the best I can do, but still) 2/

Im struggling with the weight of how we as a society are going to be affected by the aftermath of this situation that hasn’t been seen in our lifetime. The gravity of these things weigh on my chest until I find it hard to breathe. 3/

And so I sit. Often staring at the ceiling listening to records because I can’t find the motivation to do the smallest things (a real bitch because I still have homework for my masters). I feel like we talk about the best practices, we talk about missing the normality of life 4/

We try to make sense of this in the best way we can, through inspirational text posts and funny videos. I scroll through to numb my mind but it often just makes things run through my brain faster. But I can’t shut it out. I can’t pretend it isn’t happening 5/

This isn’t a nice vacation where I just get to chill at home. I’m not just going crazy bc I want to go to karaoke with my friends (which I absolutely do), the severity of what we are living though constantly sits with me and I can’t turn it off. Trust me I’ve tried. 6/

I’ve seen the posts about “it’s ok if all your doing is surviving” and that did help a bit. I was beating myself up bc I haven’t been able to do the things I thought I would when this started. The video game I’ve barely touched, the books on my bedside table collecting dust 7/

have been visual reminders of my struggles. And I feel like, since I’m fortunate to be in the situation I’m in financially and that myself and the people I love are healthy, I have no right to feel this way when there are so many dealing with the absolute worst things. 8/

I don’t know if I even have a point to this... and I definitely don’t have an answer. Just hoping that perhaps if you are feeling any of the things that I am, maybe you’ll feel a little less alone. Stay safe, stay home, and wash ya damn hands. 9/9