Okay now that it's all over, it's time for me to watch #WrestleMania. Watching the kickoff matches, but skippin all the talking head nonsense because I don't care. Thoughts to follow (and will try to contain in this thread.)

Cesaro and Gulak had a good, short little match. Good psychology with Gulak working Cesaro's arm, and Cesaro using his strength as a counter. The armdrag spot on the outside looked slightly botched. The airplane spin finish was old school. 1/2

Wait, was that seriously the only match on the night 1 kickoff show!? What a waste of like 52 minutes of programming.

The "America the Beautiful" montage was cool.

At least this opening video package is fully aware that it features a "pedestrian Jack Sparrow impersonation." (Their words! I was gonna go with "shit".) Also, this opening has almost as many abrupt tonal shifts as an average WWE match has jarring camera cuts.

Gronk is loud enough that he doesn't need a microphone. So is his jacket.

OH NO MAGGLE, IT'S JBL

I feel like the performers should be playing directly to the cameras in absence of a live crowd rather than doing their standard entrances and poses. Make the home crowd feel like this event is just for them, maybe? Just an idea.

I love that Alexa Bliss hits Kairi with the most obvious, safe double knee drop of all time, then tags in Nikki Cross, who proceeds to hit a stiff-looking dropkick.

I forgot how much I liked watching Asuka and Kairi wrestle. Really wish I had time to watch more joshi

How do you pre-tape this match and STILL manage to nearly miss showing the impact of the elbow drop?

Good match. I think it went a bit too long but no complaints otherwise.

King Korbin wearing a crown and fur-mantled cloak with a T-shirt. Wrestling!

Solid match ruined by a roll-up distraction finish.

Also, I had no idea Elias even had entrance music.

Will the Becky Lynch big rig be used to destroy, or be destroyed? Personalized vehicles are eventually a Chekov's gun in pro wrestling.

Didn't see that finish coming in the Becky-Shayna match. Good surprise finish that sees Becky retain. I expect this feud will continue. 3/4. I'd like to see more physical intensity in their next matchup.

Also, it's kind of wild that we're at a point where Becky has been a dominant champion for a year, given the way she was being utilized for the two years before that.

Bryan-Zayn was short but fun. Could definitely go for another match between them, or any members of their little factions. 1/2

Kofi-Morrison-Jey Uso is our first matchup of the weekend that is a victim of the "prevailing circumstances." Singles three-way ladder match for the SD Tag Team championships.

...and it's pretty good!?

Honestly I was prepared to not like it, but this match was a lot of fun.

Loved the tug of war finish. Morrison takes a double headbutt, falls off the ladder onto another ladder, but pulls the belts down with him and wins. 3/4

SETH ROLLINS HAS NEW WHITE GEAR FOR WRESTLEMANIA

THIS IS AWESOME

Owens and Rollins had a great match that devolved into a brawl. Also had several of my favorite weapons spot: the ring bell making a very satisfying noise when someone gets clobbered with it. Insane table spot off the giant #WrestleMania sign by Owens too.

Goldberg's walk to the ring is way less impressive when it's a glorified gym.

Also, Goldberg basically got Gillberg's entrance, minus the sparklers.

Well, that was what I expected.

Goldberg and Braun finsher spam each other, Braun wins the Universal title. Great.

No stars.

Now time for the #BoneyardMatch.

I'm a huge Undertaker mark, but maybe a non-traditional setting like this is the way to protect him from looks terrible in the ring.

Never thought I'd be excited to see biker 'Taker come back, but here we are.

Yep, this is the perfect vehicle for Undertaker to do all his wacky, mythical shenanigans.

For some reason, but I enjoyed the #BoneyardMatch. AJ got to be a cocky heel that got himself and his crew beat up by Taker's old badass biker self. Mystical shenanigans occurred. A lot of fun.

No star rating, because it wasn't REALLY a match.

The one thing that bothers me about the #BoneyardMatch was this:

I know the idea was to do something unique and different for a major event totally kneecapped by the pandemic. But WWE wouldn't give @MATTHARDYBRAND more chances for Broken/Woken universe stuff? Seems fishy.

Getting back to this since I have some time this morning.

LIv Morgan and Natalya had a match. It was fine. 3/4

I like to imagine that Charlotte posed like that through that entire video package like a lunatic.

They teased it, and it was used a few weeks ago on weekly TV, but I'm a big fan of the figure four leglock using the ring post spot. Bret Hart used it so much when I first start watching wrestling.

Rhea Ripley is going to sound like Luna Vachon for a month after screaming through this entire match

I don't understand having Charlotte go back to NXT and win the NXT title again. She's already a 10-time champion on the main roster, what purpose does this serve? I'm hoping it will become clearer once her storyline continues. (This is WWE though, so I'm not holding my breath.)

If it were me, I'd have Charlotte refuse to appear on NXT TV with the title, claiming it's beneath her. Meanwhile, the NXT women have to find a challenger worthy of going to the main roster and bringing it back to NXT. Gives you an opportunity to build a huge star that way.

Anyway, aside from the booking, pretty good match.

GodDAMN the updated WWE network sucks. Still has the same problems where skipping too far forward breaks the video player. (I'm guessing it has something to do with all the tracker blocking I'm using, but I refuse to disable it.)

Oh man, I forgot how badly WWE ruined Aleister Black's aura with their terrible booking. And that stupid creaky sound effect for his entrance.

I have never understood the hype for Bobby Lashley. He has never had anything that interests me. He's a big dude with an admittedly impressive physique, but he's devoid of charisma.

Got interrupted during this match, and just got back to finishing it.

Lana costing Lashley the match by demanding he hit a different finish hopefully leads to Lana and Lashley splitting up and me never having to think about the Lana-Lashley-Rusev storyline ever again.

Black Mass still fucking rules as a finish.

Okay - finally got a chance to finish watching. Here we go:

Otis/Ziggler - 1/2 match, payoff for the Mandy/Otis storyline.

WWE actually paid off a storyline and gave the people what they wanted! I'm honestly kind of surprised.

Edge/Orton - ZERO STARS. This hurts me to do, because I was so excited to see Edge come back. But this match went on FOR. FUCKING. EVER. The match was paced way too slowly, and honestly, if this is the only type of match Edge can do now... re-retire, please.

Street Profits/Garza & Theory -

It was a fine tag team match. Not much else to say about this.

SD Women's Title 5-way - 1/2.

Thought there was some good psychology, character work, and storytelling in this match.

My only complaint was that this match featured Tamina, who is a walking vacuum of charisma or in-ring ability.

Tamina seems like a very nice woman who has a very inspirational life story outside of the ring. But she has been far surpassed by her peers inside of the ring.

#FireflyFunhouseMatch - No star rating because this wasn't really a match, but YOWIE WOWIE was this a fun segment. I think the #BoneyardMatch was better in terms of overall quality, but this wasn't too far behind it.

I thought the dialog was tremendous for both Cena and Wyatt. The arc of John Cena confronting all of his worst fears and insecurities was brilliantly executed.

Best of all, it saved us from yet another Fiend match where Bray gets hit with 19 finishers, then kicks out and wins.

McIntyre/Lesnar -.

McIntyre gets hit with 19 finishers, kicks out, hits Lesnar with 19 finishers, and wins. Nearly the exact same match as Goldberg/Strowman the night before.

Did NO ONE think have the 2 top title matches having roughly the same match would be a bad idea?

I thought the match did what it needed to do. I think what hurt it was that 1) If you replace Drew with Braun and Lesnar with Goldberg, this match is basically the same, and 2) Drew's big moment was ruined by the lack of a crowd. The latter is no one here's fault.

If they like Drew as champion, I'd have him lose the title just before the crowds return to live events. Have the heel champion taunt him by calling him "the champion of no cheers" or even trying to claim that his reign never happened, then let Drew get his win back w/ a crowd.

I REALLY liked that as he was celebrating, @DMcIntyreWWE looked into the camera, reached out his hand, then pointed and said "Thank you."

I don't know if he was talking to someone specific, or not, but it felt like he was talking to ME (the viewer). And that was a cool moment.