So by now we've all read about how people who have faced serious trauma or have depression or PTSD are managing to get through self-isolation better than the rest of the population because of our preparedness for horrible eventualities. I want to talk about a neglected aspect.

This is the aspect of hope. This is very different from managing to live, function and continue to be productive through the Covid-19 lockdowns. It's the part where you manage your expectations about the future. A future where we're not in lockdown.

One of the things that living with serious trauma that is not being treated or slowly treated (or worse, you're not even aware that it affects your life!) brings about is a sense of helplessness. Of isolation from joy, being surrounded by suffering and having no way out.

I don't want to say it's like being in prison. But it is a lot like being stuck in a loop, where every day is the same, and every day is a day that you do not want to live through, but cannot escape from. You know you want out, all you have is that one day...

I often hear about or get told that people who've suffered trauma or gone through PTSD and/or depression and have healed or are healing like to control things. Not necessarily controlling people, but very invested in controlling their lives. Avoiding situations that inhibit it.

It's because healing from those things is the slow regaining of control over how you live your life. And with it comes varying degrees of fear that you will lose that control again. It's a terrifying place and even when you get out of it, that fear remains. But how to get out?

Of course you can get therapy, meds, try to surround yourself with better people, attempt to get out of abusive situations and... even pray. But for all of those things to happen, you must first have HOPE that you will escape the dark cycle (I hate calling it groundhog day).

If you have no hope, you won't even begin. If you give up hope halfway, you'll stop trying. But here's the most dangerous part of it all: you also cannot have hope that comes with deadlines. You need to have hope of escape without putting a timeline on when it'll happen.

This is partly because getting out of the dark cycle is like climbing out of a well. Every time you give up, you fall right to the bottom and climbing out will be just as long as the first time. There are not pauses. And worse, the fall could hurt you!

This is why you cannot HOPE to escape on a certain date. Or week. Or month. Or even year. Or years. Because every deadline that arrives with you still trapped, is going to brutally damage your ability to regroup and start again. It's as demoralizing as demoralizing ever gets.

Every voice that try to stop you from trying to get out because it was too difficult, hurtful or simply not possible will be back. And this time, they will have proof that they were right because the deadline arrived and you failed. It's soul-crushing.

The key to escaping the dark place is in knowing that you will escape it. It's accepting that no matter how long it takes, you will be out. Then, using that knowledge to keep fueling your desire to survive, thrive and live through getting out. Until you are out.

I'm 36. It took me almost 25+ years to escape the dark cycle.

Yeah, it took that fucking long.

Of course compared to that, being in self-isolation for three weeks now seems like nothing. So obviously I am not the least bit concerned. But I'm using the same tools through it.

And the main tool is accept that this will be over. That we will survive Covid-19. That we will be out and about, living our lives, loving our loved ones, laughing at jokes, listening to music, leading careers, leaning on friends and lifting each other up. When? In time.

Will shelter-in-place be over by June? Maybe. July? Could be. August??? It's possible. Next year????? Here's to hope.

Stop concerning yourself with when and start focusing on the now. You want to be happy, healthy and... home. Waiting, but knowing that it'll be here. Sometime.

Now that I've imparted this on you.

I wanna end this by saying, all the Op/Eds and articles from "experts" on how people who've suffered trauma or have PTSD and/or depression are managing this better are a bunch of HORSE SHIT. In fact, many of us are doing a lot worse.

Personally, I know we will get through this (at great and completely avoidable cost).

But is this triggering my depression and PTSD? You bet your ass it is. Is the suffering of people who've experienced trauma the same as healthy extroverts not being able to go out? FUCK NO!

To come out of this in one piece, or at least mostly in one piece, we're going to need to hope without deadlines. And that applies to both in some ways. Stay safe. Stay home. And stay hopeful. /end