Just a thread no one asked for about me applying some terms I learned in my sexuality seminar and using them to analyze some of the relationships in my stories

-Disclaimer: I am NOT a psychologist or a sexologist, I'm not an expert in this. I'm merely going by what I was taught
-Opinions and POVs are appreciated
-Enjoy (?) https://twitter.com/creggcell/status/1246894014726635523?s=19

Limerence: the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation for one's feelings, but not primarly for a sexual relationship.

It lasts around 18 months to 3 years, and after

that period, you could either move on and debelop these feelings for someone else, or you could pass on to the stage of love.

As we discussed it in class, limerence is a /feeling/, it simply happens, while love is a /choice/.

Limerence makes you blind to flaws, to bad habits,

to the ugly truth about relationships, and to the fact that no one is perfect, not even your partner.

In fact, if you think about, after the honey moon stage passes, people often start complaining about their partner and the will to keep going with a relationship starts

to disappear. Oftentimes, you'll even hear people say "I wish my partner would act like before," whe the reality is that they never changed, this was them all along.

With the fading of limerence also comes the desire for what was once had, the excitement, the adrenaline that

comes with the early stages of a courting. With love, people sometimes start trying and that's when the relationship turns stale and boring and people give up.

But that's the thing, you can /choose/ to leave, to give up and move on, or you can /choose/ to fix whatever's

not working out, to keep the flame alive because, yes, while limerence and its effects are long gone, you can /actually/ rekindle that fire and limerence can come back. Sadly, for it to happen, both parties have to be willing to work on that.

Now, like I said before, I'm not

an expert on this, I'm merely repeating what I was taught. If anyone that knows more wants to make any corrections feel free because I'd love to learn more about all this.

Anyway, now what we're here for! Yay! In my stories, as many of you know, I prefer to write happy endings! I do have ideas for sad ones, but since I'm not fond of them and they tend to affect my anxiety really badly (I've had anxiety attacks on several occasions from stories with

sad endings, yes to that level). Either way, I still figured it would be a good idea to write this and even pose some hypothesis for different outcomes, including sad ones, for some of my stories. Once again, you can barge in and discuss, or even give your povs, what /you/

think the ending for this stories would be like. You don't have to agree with me!

We'll start with A Sunflower in the Winter

The story of Baekhyun and Chanyeol in ASITW is one many of you know already, or at least the outcome of the their happy ending. To understand, though, we have to go way back and yes, this will be me revealing details that were mentioned in passing or not at all for...reasons.

So as many know, Baekhyun was an orphan, he was very poor, and jumped from foster house to foster house in his earlier years. This created an issue in him, he wasn't familiar with intimacy of any kind. All he knew was abandonement and abuse (not mentioned, I can't remember if it

was ever even implied, but know that he /did/ endure physical and mental abuse). He got a scholarship thanks to the help of some teachers from the school he attended who wanted him to do /more/, who saw potential in him. They searched and found a program made by a private,

exclusive, prestigious school that gave out scholarships for less fortunate students that had brilliant minds waiting to be discovered -or more like they liked to look good. This was never explained, but it was supposed to. Since I had to rush the ending, though, I could never

include it.

Anyway, as I was saying, Baekhyun gets the opportunity to attend this school and that's where he met Chanyeol. Chanyeol was... a snob, a brat. He was annoying, arrogant, very much like his family, but since the moment he met Baekhyun, something changed.

Yeah, cliché, but it was like that. For Chanyeol, that feeling of limerence was instantanoues, He saw Baekhyun, he felt a connection, and he wanted him. Baekhyun, though, never having experienced real affection or attraction (more like he was too disconnected from that side of

him to notice) didn't realize and saw Chanyeol like anyone else.

Chanyeol was very persistent and as he got to meet Baekhyun little by little -and boy was it hard for him because Baekhyun had a thick, tall wall surrounding him- his outlook changed, not only about Baekhyun, but

about the world too.

And yes, he "fell" for Baekhyun, though it was more infatuation. It was involuntary, primarly physical and then turning more affective and intellectual, and yes, Chanyeol fought for it, he was determined to get this beautiful boy to reciprocrate his

feelings.

As we all know, Baekhyun did. He was scared, he'd never felt like that before, and can we blame him? Limerence and love are scary as fuck. They make you vulnerable.

Well, as you all know, they got together and it was great...though not really because Chanyeol

debuted and their relationship had to be kept secret, while his family was shitty with Baekhyun.

And here's the thing, despite all that, they both /chose/ to love. Limerence lasted around two years for them. Chanyeol eventually saw Baekhyun's flaws and vice versa, and though

this period is never mentioned in the story, it wasn't easy. It took a lot of trust and determination to keep it going because, yes, they chose to love, they chose to keep their relationship going, to fight for it despite everything being against them.

They learned to

communicate, to discuss, to look for middle grounds, and to apologize and forgive. They learned honesty as a couple, they learned to be there and despite Chanyeol's tight schedule, they fought to keep the limerence alive.

Never mentioned either, but Chanyeol and Baekhyun

would always look for new ways to keep the flame alive. They couldn't exactly go out on dates because of Chanyeol's status, but they made it work. Even if their dates were indoors, they always came out with new stuff, be it cooking together dishes they both knew or having fun

while trying recipes from foreign countries they found on the internet, they made it work.

They did the same in all aspects and that was why their relationship /worked/. It may not seem like it, but neither Baekhyun nor Chanyeol were really blinded to the other's flaws. If

anything, they both willingly chose to work on said flaws, to become better not only for the sake of their relationship and their partners, but for themselves.

Now, when Baekhyun left, he didn't choose to stop loving. Instead, he chose to leave the relationship to give Chanyeol a chance at a better future. When his parents told Baekhyun they would ruin Chanyeol's life if he didn't leave him, they meant it. They cared more about their

family name and prestige than about their son's happiness. Baekhyun knew this and whether what he did and the way he did it was wrong or right, well I don't know, to be honest. I don't know what I would do in a situation like that, but that was what Baekhyun chose to do for the

one he fought hard to love. He decided to make a choice for Chanyeol.

Baekhyun chose to continue loving. After he left, even pregnant, he could've easily chosen to move on, to experience limerence and love with someone else, but he didn't. Unconsciously, he made the decision

to continue loving Chanyeol. Chanyeol did the same, Despite dating and even getting engaged to Sehun at one point, we all know how he felt. There was never any limerence for anyone else he dated after Baekhyun, not even for Sehun. Yes, there was some physical attraction, there

was fantastic sexual chemistry, and they cared for each other, there was affection, but there wasn't romantic love. Unconsciously, just like Baekhyun, Chanyeol chose not to move on.

When they meet again, we all know what happens. With time, they choose to be together again, they choose to rekindle the relationship, because you can love someone very much, but you can choose /not/ to be with them, just like Baekhyun did when he decided to leave Chanyeol.

There's the danger of history repeating itself, of Baekhyun leaving again, and if things would've kept going the way they are, despite knowing how Mino would be affected, there's a possibility Baekhyun would've left again...and it would've been more devastating this time around.

In the end, though, that didn't happen. He chose to go through the hardship with Chanyeol this time around and in the end, their relationship worked.

No one noticed the little details I placed, I believe that marked how intensely they loved, or, if you want to look at it this

way, the little details that showcased how much they'd worked on their relationship. Example: their dynamic while cooking. This was made deliberate, I put it there and described it each time on purpose because it's important. They'd learned to read each other so well that they

were able to tell what the other was going to do and how. That's why neither spoke when they cooked, they only worked together silently and in harmony.

In the end, if we think about it, and based on what I mentioned, there were several instances where this could've

gone different and we could've gotten a "sad" ending.

1. Baekhyun didn't reciprocate Chanyeol's advances in high school

Yes, Baekhyun could've either not developed the limerence and Chanyeol would've eventually moved on, or Baekhyun could've developed the, but he decided

not to give Chanyeol and himself a chance. In my mind, I believe that for either of this scenarios, Chanyeol would've moved, would probably be like his family, become succesful, and live blissfully as an heir of the Park family, while Baekhyun would've gone to college, gotten a

career and /maybe/ found someone to love...

Or they could've met later in life and have a beautiful story that wasn't as complicated since, by that point, Baekhyun would be /someone/, perhaps not Park family someone, but someone nevertheless.