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Incase it never occurred to you, it is manipulative to pour out your discontentment of a person’s actions only to go ahead & to say things like “but it’s okay” or “amma ya wuce”....Yana faruwa”...”Im not upset, let’s not talk about it.” I’m guilty of this and maybe, so are you.
If you do this, you need to stop it! It might be unconscious or harmless but it defeats the entire purpose of communication. You ever wonder why you send out long paragraphs or have conversations for hours with a person but never get to fix things. It’s because you’re not...
....conversing, you are withholding. You’re either trying to keep up your image as “the one who lets things go easily” or “you don’t like wahala, you’ll just stay quiet and let it pass.”
Everyone likes to communicate till it’s actually time to communicate.
Everyone likes to communicate till it’s actually time to communicate.
Sometimes we think we’re a certain way when we’re really not. And it takes acceptance to make a difference in our own lives. I met someone who literally forced me into seeing how funny my communication pattern was. It was incredibly uncomfortable but I saw it.
Some truths are hard pills to swallow. No one likes to be called manipulative but in many ways, we have been/are manipulative. If you must bring up an issue, say it the way it is. You’re upset, sad or hurt about something doesn’t make you foolish or weak.
Similarly, if you really think “its okay” or “ya wuce” don’t bring it up at all. Let it wuce like that. Take a stand. Learn to be comfortable in your discomfort. You owe no one an apology for feeling the things you feel. But you owe yourself & them honesty.
Saying it’s okay when its not only builds up resentment...you hear people say things like “they don’t understand even when I explain”. That’s how it starts. Allow yourself be heard and give people a REAL chance to make ammends.
By saying its okay, you’re normalizing the behavior as long as you get to send out a paragraph or go back and forth for hours. It gets exhausting.
I know alot of us think sympathy, victimhood and self righteousness is cute but it can only take you so far. If anything I’ve said feels foreign to you, well...congratulations for being a functional adult. For the rest of us this thread is for, please let’s do better.
