dissociation and depersonalization are tricky beasts and sometimes i feel like i’m not me and i don’t know who “me” is so i like to go back and look at all the me’s i’ve been and try to reconnect some sort of familiarity with them but like damn i’ve been a lot of me’s

here are some very young me’s:
- alaska mission trip ‘08, visiting an iditarod sled dog museum
- attending my first ever football game, ‘08 (it was st. joe vs lakeshore, so, a big deal)
- dressed up as joe jonas for a youth group costume contest (‘09?)

- shaggy head / owl obsessed me, ‘10/‘11
- half shaved head me, ‘12. bracefaced, permanently sewn into that hoodie, terrible (terrible) decision maker.

- ‘13 me. one of my favorite me’s. fiery in lots of ways, including my hair. full of fight and desperate for a warm place & people to shelter with. sad and happy all at once.

- i call this me the emily era me, because i think she actually saved my life that year. ‘14, melancholic, all too honest, and maybe the most full of life i’ve ever been.

- pennsylvania me ‘14. if i had known it was the last time i would be calling it home, i might have stayed — or at least held everyone a little longer.
i miss the 333 so deeply and everyone it housed within its walls.

- september ‘14 me. emily saved my life again. i can still feel the moment that photo was taken. i look empty inside because i was.
- october ‘14 me. halloween costume was actually just a dressed up me.
- november ‘14. trying desperately to fill myself back up again. they helped.

then there was you.
- new year’s eve ‘14
- engagement photo day in grand rapids ‘15. spent the day kissing you in coffee shops. it was the best.
- product of said engagement photos
- wedding.
i love you.
thanks for being my buoy.

- most recent me that feels like me. last summer in a kalamazoo coffee house surrounded by vinyl and friends that help hold me up.

end thread. thanks for tuning in.