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alright so i'm seeing too many of these threads detailing mid-aughts it-girl drama with few facts in sight so it’s about time i dusted off a history textbook (my extensive tabloid collection) and relayed the REAL gossip for you all https://twitter.com/BritneyHiatus/status/1246253951160217603
please note this is an abridged version, since if i were to give you the full scope of the drama tolstoy would be shaking, so let's just run through the highlights.
first, let's get acquainted with our cast of characters: paris hilton, at the height of her pop cultural supremacy, armed with a sex tape, a dozen us weekly covers and a budding pop music career courtesy of scott storch.
lindsay lohan, then one of hollywood's most in-demand actresses (if you can believe it), fully graduated from teen fare and angling for more serious work, which is quickly derailed by her even greater thirst for tabloid attention.
stavros niarchos, a billion-heir greek expat who first hit the hollywood scene on the arm of a rehabbed mary-kate olsen before jilting her for paris. mary-kate is so devastated she drops out of nyu and commits to chain-smoking and drinking starbucks full time.
brandon davis, grandson of oil and entertainment mogul marvin davis, the former owner of 20th century fox. nicknamed "greasy bear" for his perpetually-unctuous complexion, he'd formerly dated mischa barton and was once estranged from paris due to her penchant for slurs.
elliot mintz, paris' tiny, orange-hued publicist, once the flack to john & yoko but since relegated to following paris to and from hollywood clubs and cleaning up her nightly PR disasters in real-time. he once claimed a white substance up paris' nose was "stray dessert."
while they'd had their share of drama beforehand, the key stretch that leads up to the aforementioned 'britney, lindsay, paris' photo begins in the spring of 2006, as paris and stavros suffer their first (of many) breakups.
lindsay and paris were already on thin ice as lindsay had become close with paris' estranged BFF and simple life co-star nicole richie (their feud is another saga). soon, stavros and lindsay are spotted together at a club, and he makes an early-morning exit from her hotel room.
nights later, leaving janet jackson's birthday party, paris - joined by elliot, her sister nicky and pal caroline d'amore - cackles maniacally as brandon unleashes a tirade on lindsay, dubbing her "firecrotch" and saying "she's worth about 7 million" so "she's really poor"
the video goes as viral as a video can go in 2006 and becomes one of tmz's first hit stories. brandon is promptly dragged by anyone with an internet connection - and a lone lindsay lohan stan outside of a nightclub (was this you, @drugproblem?)
out of fear of being cut off by his family, brandon issues an apology and blames the incident on booze, checking into a trendy malibu rehab. before he checks in, though, he makes a quick starbucks run in a "team firecrotch" tee.
after rehab, brandon would record a "firecrotch" song with scott storch that paris would play for pals at her christmas party later that year (the closest we've gotten to hearing it is in the background of a paparazzi video that's no longer on the internet)
lindsay stays mum in subsequent paparazzi-dogged outings, but officially responds to the incident in a magazine interview, saying of paris: "obviously she's very comfortable making videos"
over the summer, paris and lindsay have several run-ins at parties, ending with one or the other in tears; when lindsay celebrates her 20th birthday, she invites her other blonde heiress pal, ivanka trump, in paris' place. at one point, paris allegedly hacks lindsay's phone.
come fall, paris strikes again by getting cozy with lindsay's ex, hard rock scion & pink taco founder harry morton (RIP), fueling lindsay's now-infamous "paris is a cunt" comment as she made an exit from a party at the roosevelt hotel in early november.
but hours later, lindsay poses for paparazzi with a magazine of paris - whiplash!
by then, paris had also acquired a new pet for her menagerie: britney spears, newly single after kicking k-fed to the curb and now partaking in nightly crotch-flashings with paris, to both our devastation and morbid fascination.
how paris & britney became involved is a point of contention: some say they were introduced by brit's manager, larry, while reports at the time claimed it was their mutual pal george maloof, owner of the palms in vegas, where they debuted their friendship before returning to l.a.
after a party in late november, a distraught lindsay approaches paparazzi to show a bruised arm, alleging paris had hit her.
elliot mintz's solution to the drama? some friendly posing for the cameras: paris & brit hightail it to brandon davis' bungalow at the beverly hills hotel, where they join forces with linds. as they leave, paris orders lindsay to renounce her previous allegations for the cameras:
to break down the timeline: around midnight, november 27th, 2006, lindsay said paris hit her, and by 5 in the morning the three girls were crammed into paris' car.
and thus the photo of the trio huddled together was, by most accounts, cooked up as damage control for lindsay's claims (hence why elliot was escorting lindsay in that video). paris has since tried to rewrite history, claiming lindsay "crashed" their party, but that's a lie.
in a leaked e-mail exchange with shanna moakler (ex-wife of blink-182's travis barker, whom paris hooked up with after their split, causing shanna to allegedly punch paris in the face at a club) lindsay reiterated the three musketeers act was a publicity stunt:
the night after the photo-op, the war continued, with paris allegedly screaming at lindsay at a club that she’s a "coked-out whore," per x17online; later, at paris' house, she instructs her security to "tell firecrotch she's no longer welcome"
the next night, britney parties with brandon davis at the roosevelt hotel, the two reportedly spending some quality time together in the bathroom (…not brit's finest hour). afterwards, they meet up with lindsay.
the three - lindsay, paris, and britney - are never photographed together again, and after a few more nights of partying, paris and britney part ways, only to reunite a year later in late 2007.
in the meantime, lindsay crashes some cars, holds some guys hostage, checks into a few rehabs - and at least one jail.
i'll leave you all with a quote from one of my favorite vanity fair pieces by @nancyjosales, which deals with some of this drama: https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2007/09/tabloidboys200709
