some of the most important decisions i ever made for my mental health include saying nice things about myself to others (and cutting back on self-degrading stuff), making an effort to not cancel/flake out on friends, and shifting to funny/upbeat/positive passive listening content

ymmv! and these things were only possible when i was out of some really bad traumatic situations and when i was ready to commit to them. but the general idea of adding positivity and getting rid of coping mechs that are hurting more than helping stands

not being flaky is an interesting one - i didn't realize at the time, but have since read that self-isolating is a coping mech for ppl who experienced childhood abuse esp bc being alone = abuse over. so it was a carryover from a time when aloneness was a sign of relative safety

but in my life after that, it was just something that made my personal relationships difficult and it made me feel worse, both bc i was alone stewing and bc i didn't like being a flaky person.

i didn't want to be a flaky person, so i took a year where my only personal goal was to show up more. if i said i was going to be there, i went! and it's still not perfect. my time management sucks, and i have chronic pain, and anxiety, so i still don't always show up when i want

but overall i am no longer a person who has a reputation for being flaky, which i am grateful for! i'm so glad i got here, and showing up is almost always worth it (and another thing i've learned - you can leave!)

i try to address one thing at a time as it comes up, and i decide based on whatever i think is more out of tune with the person i want to be. rn it's that i sometimes rely on teasing people too much as a way to express friendship, and i think it can get a little mean

it's not intentional, and i don't even know if it bothers other people as much as it bothers me when i notice it! but vulnerability is hard for me, and i think this is something i've developed as a cop out for it. so i'm trying to be conscious of it, pause before i react

and focus on expressing genuine feelings rather than the non-genuine, superficial joking. i still joke w/tease my friends! but i'm trying not to default to those reactions

this thread got away from me lmao but healing is so hard! the weird leftovers from trauma and mental illness can be hard to even spot! i wouldn't be able to figure these things out if i hadn't given myself some sort of baseline peace and comfort though