Just went down to hang out at the public park and you wouldn’t BELIEVE how many people are there and not following the rules we’ve been given by our government masters. Hang on while I upload their pictures to show everyone. Also, I called the police. I’m sure they’re not busy.

In the past, I’ve wavered back and forth on my belief in the death penalty. But I just drove by Jiffy Lube and saw two people standing five feet apart instead of six. These monsters have no place in our society.

My neighbor just called and asked to borrow some eggs cause they ran out of money and their kids are hungry. I was ok with that until he told me he wanted to go back to work! How selfish!! I called the cops and put his picture on Facebook.

Dishwasher repair guy just told me he could fix my dishwasher, but he’d have to renovate my whole kitchen to do it. Said it would cost $25,000.

Obviously I agreed. After all, he’s the expert.