cobain killed him self 26 years ago; i remember it well. i was sitting at my grams after school watching mtv in browning when i found out. its not until time passes and passes that you realize genius is genius bc you only get to see it a few times in a your life.

what strikes me now is how alive he was; in utero is so raw it still shocks me when i listen to it now. its intensity is mind blowing. i realized a few years ago that id been waiting to see/hear someone like him again. its clear now that i wont.

and - i can still remember the first time i saw the smells like teen spirit video (at my grams again; only place i could watch cable). i was transfixed. the volume and intensity were incredible. and those alp mo cheerleaders. its maybe hard to explain now but that video, even...

to kid who grew up in a town of 400 people on an isolated rez in montana, spoke to me. still not sure why. i watch the vid today and its so of its time. i find it haunting bc that time is long gone, but i can still feel it as part of me. seattle is part of my consciousness bc...

bc of nirvana and all the other alternative bands that ruled that part of my life. what it is about that kind of music is its raw edge; rock was made to be an outlet for sex and anger, and now when i listen to contemp music i hear a lot of sex but not much anger.

and i was er what happens to young people when they dont have a common outlet for anger / the angst of being young, being american. thats not a dig on other types of music / current rock. i like all of it. but americans need an outlet for anger, bc this is an angry country.

anyway. im watching nirvana vids on youtube a today and its just wild to me how much fucking power and emotion is in their work. after over two decades they stand so far above the other bands of that time its not even funny. pj is close but not there.

its cobains songwriting that puts them ahead of everyone. i was too young to get it at the time, but his lyrical ability was incredible. one of the top five rock lyricists ever, maybe top three.

but in the end for me its his voice that stands out. holy man what a voice. all that angst and disappointment with america, the dissatisfaction with the status quo, its all there, channeled thru that jagged strained voice. fuck.

plus he was left handed. and all left handed people are the bomb lol.

maybe play been a son or negative creep or breed or lounge act and crank it up to 11. if your stereo goes up to 11.