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I& #39;ve done a few media interviews in the last couple of days about working during COVID19 and volunteering to go to NYC. I often get asked towards the end, "Are you scared?"
The question trips me up a bit, and I& #39;ve tried to think about why I have a hard time answering it.
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The question trips me up a bit, and I& #39;ve tried to think about why I have a hard time answering it.
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My initial response is no, I& #39;m not scared. I& #39;m not scared for my own safety, and most of the people I work with would say the same thing. We& #39;re aware of the risk, and I think we accept it as part of the job that we& #39;ve signed up to do.
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But I do have a heightened sense of the risk of this disaster and about my mortality than about Ebola or other risky situations I& #39;ve been in. This is the first time I& #39;m actually preparing for my own death -- reviewing my will, writing letters to my kids, etc.
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I do have a sort of nervous energy -- I& #39;ve seen other areas starting to get hit hard and I haven& #39;t been in the midst of it yet. Been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Being nervous about working in a new environment, not sure what my role will be...
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But, when I examine my feelings, I realize that I actually am scared -- not for my own safety -- but for our future. And I think this needs to be my answer during interviews going forward.
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I& #39;m scared for my patients and their health. I& #39;m scared for the losses that so many people are going to experience. I& #39;m scared for my community. I& #39;m really scared for the economic devastation and the long term effect that so many people are going to feel
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I& #39;m especially scared for the more vulnerable in our society -- immigrants, low-wage workers, people of color -- this is going to affect them much worse than others, as disasters always do.
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I& #39;m scared for how broken our healthcare workers and our healthcare system will be after this, how this is already revealing the cracks and the brokenness of our system. I& #39;m scared for the long-term mortality and morbidity this will have on our patients.
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I& #39;m scared that we are so entrenched in our individual political ideology that we won& #39;t recognize as a society that we will continue to elect leaders who don& #39;t listen to experts, who make rash decisions, who don& #39;t serve the neediest in our society
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That we will continue to elect leaders who cannot manage a crisis, that don& #39;t recognize the effects of climate change (yes, a pandemic is a symptom of climate change), that do not govern in a way that takes into account our long-term future.
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