Story time
I finally figured out why I'm just a bit more miserable than most people I know of due to this isolation.
I have already done a version of self isolation years ago. Five years to be exact.

In 2013 I was diagnosed with epilepsy (commonly known as fits) and I get seizures which make me collapse all of the sudden. I'll be sort of conscious but my body won't move and this will last for a few minutes. Sometimes my hands and legs will twitch

Even with medication the disease got so bad that I had to take a sabbatical from work. I took off in 2015 for about 6 months. Those 6 months I had to sit at home. Can't go to movies or restaurant or anywhere due to fear of getting a seizure attack

Frankly that whole period is hazy and is a blur. I was taking almost 20 pills a day. Had sever insomnia. Would get atleast one meltdown every 15 days. My friends back then couldn't deal with the mentally unstable me. Can't blame them.

I said some mean things it seems. I don't know actually. A couple of them stayed back because they understood it was the sickness and not me.

My distinct memory from that period was when my best friend of a decade called to tell he won't talk to me and was friendly with me out of sympathy.
I collapsed and when I opened my eyes I saw my cat's paw right next to my face. She was checking if I was breathing

I remember dragging myself off the floor and somehow managing to get on the bed. I had to check for injuries. That was the most darkest period in my life where limbs stopped working for a while.

I sat in my room. Watched TV but those changing colors also gave me seizures it seems. My parents tried their best to take care of me. Took me out from time to time whenever they saw fit.

This period of isolation is reminding me of that time when I was trapped in my own body helpless and vulnerable. I'm fine now. Not epileptic anymore. I am healthy (I think) but those meds I took screwed up my head more than I would like

I'm working hard just to remind myself that I'm not weak or helpless like that now. I am just supposed to sit at home for a while and it's not because of those health reasons. I am now telling myself that this is not same as that.

Why am I telling this here? Honestly got no idea. Just felt like sharing a story of how someone coping with mental health issues is dealing with this isolation. I'm sure there are others out there who are trapped in not so good conditions in their house.

If you are one such person battling your own brain, I'm sorry that you have to put in double the amount of effort like this. I know you are exhausted because I sure am.But hang in there. Hang in there for me because someone like me doing this and surviving this gives me strength

I hope I survive this. I'm not sure if I can. My immune system is already fried and my head is not in a good space. But I am trying my best to get through this.
Thanks for reading.
-fin-