MY TV STORY. A THREAD
I always wanted a TV career. My mum refused to pay tuition for me to study journalism because in her words "She had no energy to remove me from jail because I would be an Andrew Mwenda (the old version)." Ofcourse she had foresight. Imagine being him now.

So, Urban TV ran a competition called Rated Next and wala, I applied. On the day I was called for the audition (there were so many people), I had just unplaited my braids. My five hairs were so horrible and I was too broke to afford salon. My mummy was also broke

Of course I needed to look TV worthy, so I borrowed my mother's wig.. Please it was nothing like your #dontrushchallange fire wigs. It was those wigs of constantly grumpy head of mother's union wigs.

I spent the next two hours combing the wig it in all directions and spraying the this things has been hidden in a drawer for years smell out. I needed it to look dope and smell great. I was going to be a celebrity, no?

I threw on my white body hugging and hip enhancing skirt (Booty must prosper) & a purple top. They were the best clothes I had then. Practiced my lines infornt of my mum's broken mirror. This was how I was going to lift my family out of poverty. Our lives were about to flip

I think I had only 4k. Enough to take me from Naalya to Urban TV and back home. Get to the place and suddenly my clothes weren't dope no more. People had chains, blinged Tshirts, fire wigs and here I was. With my mothers union outfit plus hair...Jesus why me?

Fast forward, my audition turn is here. The only person I remember was DJ Bush Baby. I say my name and how I want to be an anchor and political talk show host (someone tap Josephine Karungi for me). I really thought I'd be an Amanpour by now, but oh well.

They ask me to do my thing. Me: good evening viewers. My name is Maria Alesi welcome to NTV at 9....." All I saw was Bush Baby in shock and me begging baby Jesus to take me now. My dreams were over. I had no comeback. Jesus, is this what you died for?

But the gods of Maracha can never let the crossing of the river happen for nothing. I was asked to start again. This time I killed that shit. Smiling and bringing all my eloquence. Plot twist: they asked me my hobbies. The devil took over my mouth and I said, "singing"

The people asked me to sing! They asked me to sing! . My ancestors left me at this point. My young and innocent self did the singing. . Some HillSong song I cannot remember. I wasn't half as bad until someone I knew watched the show. Well, I made it to the next stage.

Round two: This time my hair wasnt as bad. I still didn't have dope clothes because I have never had great taste in clothes and we shall not blame money. There I met @JoelSsenyonyi @BuniChristopher and a certain rapist who works at vision group. Of course Joel was my favourite.

Buni spoke like a problem. Man never kept quiet, plus his accent. We were asked to do a story about Christ the King. I nailed it. Feedback was, I needed to smile a little more, but content, voice, gestures etc were TV material. Off to round 3. Also @DrazJoanita was there.

Round 3: we get put into groups to do some thing at MUK. This whole time, my broke ass is finishing all her bu monies chasing a dream.. We misunderstood the assignment. We let only two people get recorded because our idea of team work was do the work and you will all shine.

We were wrong. So we got cut except the two who appeared on the screen. Thus ended the dream. I eventually did some TV thanks to Joel who chased the dream and caught it. Maybe someday. Maybe this quarantine will change me. Ps: I am all the TV material you are missing.