Just remembered an incident this year which reminded me of how a lot of women are treated by their birth families in Pakistan and also a little commentary on how some sibling relationships are marred by unfairness.

This little story is from a field visit & kinda heartbreaking.

Back in February, I was in a South Punjab district carrying out fieldwork research on gender norms/education/rights in rural areas. We drove to this village around an hour away from the district headquarter where a group of around 20 women had gathered in the school to talk to us

The women shared their thoughts on gender rights, girls' education etc. Despite lacking resources, all of them supported education and women rights, including that of inheritance.

They believed that all women should've the right to their parent's inheritance. But.

But they noticed, as did women in many other villages, that in practice they are all forced out of their rightful inheritance. Sometimes they are asked to 'sacrifice' their rightful share.

I recorded their stories in my documentation but one story, in particular, stuck with me.

This woman was around 45-50 ish. One of her teenage daughters was enrolled in the school. She was originally from rural Lahore from communities that had migrated before partition into this side of Punjab.
When she learned I was from Lhr, she said "tusi tey mere passun ho"

Anyways, she started telling us how her father was a relatively well-earning farmer who had enough land accumulated over time. She had two older brothers with whom she once had a close relationship.

She got married around 25 yrs ago & moved to the village where she lives now.

Her husband had okay earnings as a farmer & occasional labourer but much less compared to her blood family. Nonetheless, she claimed that despite being less well-off she actively fulfilled her duties as a daughter & sister by always supporting her brothers by being a part of

of their lives. Even helping one of them out financially when they hit a bit of a bad situation, a move which financially set her back financially. She even made sure to send appropriate wedding gifts to her nieces & nephews because apparently, that was her duty as an aunt.

Khair, her father died some 15 years ago back & she immediately came to his funeral to make sure she could support her family.

Once all the funeral rites were done, her brothers came to her immediately to ask her to sign off on her rights & transfer her rightful share to them.

Her share was half a 10-marla house & a bit of land which she immediately gave away. We asked her if she knew what her rights were at that time, she said yes but she decided to give it away on her own because "pehnan da pyaar honda veeran wastey" (it's sister's love for brothers)

This story is repeated everywhere across rural Punjab where women are asked to sign away their legitimate inheritance out of 'love' for their family. In case women don't do this, they are often shamed or indirectly excluded.

Except for this woman, even giving away didn't help.

Now her brothers got their share easily, but after that, they decided to cut her off. And by cutting-off, she means they simply stopped engaging with her.

They wouldn't return her messages, would not visit, even let their wives openly state she ought not to visit them.

Even back in 2010 when her husband suffered a huge financial setback, they did not respond to her call for help. Despite them having happily accepted her help a few years back.

What was really sad for her personally though, was the social exclusion.

Because in communities, social networks mean a lot. Here's the real clincher for her though, the one thing that really broke her heart.

She especially invited them to her daughter's wedding and hoped to give them 'VIP' protocol when they could come but they never showed up.

For her, this was unimaginable. She thought her "khandan kay barey" had a responsibility to give her daughter the blessings & love on her special day that she had given to their children, without any conditions. But they never even sent a cursory congratulatory message.

She even used to send 'Eidi' for their children but with no reciprocal returns.

She just could not fathom how they could do this. Except, the other woman sitting that gathering showed no surprise. They thought this was normal for families to slowly exclude their daughters.

She said "mein ta apna farz nabhuya, te khayal wi kita pur unnan ne ik vari pehn no ni puchaya". Once she told her story, we asked her if she regretted giving away her rights. She said YES. She thought she was being kind & dutiful but really she had been forced by her brothers.

And this is smth she would never let her daughter go through. She would ensure their rights.

But but but, she also said that despite being angry she still loved her brothers & would forgive them if they just came to her once. She wanted to see them.

She thought it was pretty obvious for siblings to take care of each other & she would never hate her own.

At one point, she said to me that my presence here was very nice because me being Lahore reminded her of them. She even told me their names & asked if I knew them or not.

She told me they had now moved to Lahore city but had not informed her of their contact info so if I could find them, I should let her know. I didn't commit to anything but she did ask me to note down the school phone no, in any case, anything props up.

We were there for almost 3 hrs. When we got up to leave, she came outside the school with us and said "mein sochaya tanu ik vari khairyat nal chad awan, tusi mere veer de shehr to ho" translation: "i thought i should see you off properly because you belong to my brother's city"

She kept waving at us until we out of sight. When we were in our car.

Anyways, this was just smth I remembered tonight. An individual's tragedy. But on a larger level, me & many other researchers seen this inheritance stealing happen across Pakistan. And this has to STOP.

END