Classic Sunday: playing Grand Designs ‘what will scupper the build’ bingo. 1 point each for: white man who ‘has always had this vision’; self-project managing; needs curved glass; materials sourced from abroad; delayed build so it starts in winter; unclear budget; (1/2)

Bespoke staircase; pregnant partner ‘so it needs to be finished by April’; using ‘my mate Adam’ to do the build; planning permission that’s ‘nearly through’; has moved family into caravan ‘for a bit’; firing the architect who ‘just didn’t get it’; anything with a cantilever

Bonus points for defying the elements: ‘Ken and Susan fell in love with the site and bought it at auction without visiting it despite it being riddled with asbestos and 15 feet below sea level’ and for poshos who’ve quit high-flying London jobs to build ‘a bespoke rural retreat’

And the classic ‘to save time, the frame has been constructed offsite, so if this doesn’t fit on the foundations, it’s month of rework’

This just in