When I was 8 months pregnant with my youngest, my partner and I visited my sister and her husband, they weren’t keen on my partner for obvious reasons, but we were all trying to build bridges
We arrived and all seemed good, pleasantries were exchanged and we settled in to a nice chat, then my BIL decided as it was going so well, it would be a good idea to get the whisky out, reader, it was not a good idea
I knew it would end badly and suggested we leave, I pretended to be pregnant tired, unfortunately my ex is an alcoholic and once he’s had one drink, until he’s so drunk that he pisses the bed, there’s no talking to him
So I had to sit and watch as my alcoholic partner, sister and BIL polished off a bottle of whisky. Thank god we can leave now I thought, but oh no, my BIL stumbles over to the larder and fishes out ANOTHER bottle of whisky
There is much laughter between them, not me, I’m pretty fucked off by this point, but to them it seems to be going as okay as it can considering, they’re all getting along, until my ex makes a rollie on the kitchen top leaving tobacco everywhere, you feel the mood turn
So off my ex wobbles outside to smoke his rollie, it was a nice day, so we all leave the kitchen and go into the garden together, my sisters yappy Jack Russell runs out too, now I need to explain that Nellie is the child that my sister and BIL never had, they love this dog
But if she didn’t like you, then she was yappy and bitey, Nellie loved me, and of course she loved her owners, but my god did she hate my ex
While in the garden she started to bark at my ex, now my ex thought he was Dr fucking Doolittle or something, was convinced the
While in the garden she started to bark at my ex, now my ex thought he was Dr fucking Doolittle or something, was convinced the
birds understood him, I’d often find him out in the garden trying to get them to land on him by whistling, of course they never fucking did, he was just a bit mental, anyway I digress
So the dog is barking and he’s getting more and more wound up that his special animal gift doesn’t work on Nellie, really she just knew he was a cunt, dogs are smart, well he loses his temper doesn’t he and shouts at her to shut the fuck up
My sister and BIL do not like this at all, they demand he apologise instantly for shouting at their dog, he refuses, says “I am not apologising to a dog” he’s got a point I suppose, but they are adamant that he apologises
Me being the (sober) diplomat suggest he apologise not
Me being the (sober) diplomat suggest he apologise not
to the dog, but to them, they agree this is acceptable, but guess what? My ex is having none of it, he’s so riled now that there’s no going back, so a shouting match ensues, I really sweary, whisky drunk cuntathon
Poor little Nellie loses the plot and tries to bite at the ankles of my ex, his reaction is to kick out, so he kicks the dog, it makes a noise that I wish to never hear again for as long as live, I can’t explain it, but silence followed
Now ladies and gentlemen, if you’ve ever been in a situation where you just know it’s time to get the fuck out of there, then you’ll know the level of panic that is rising in my poor heavily pregnant self at this moment
My sister and BIL break the silence with screams to get him the fuck out of their house, well he has just technically kicked their child in the solar plexus, so it’s a valid request, but you may remember earlier that I referred to him as a cunt, so like any proper cunt he refused
I pleased with him to leave, he asked for another drink, they screamed at him, I tugged on his arm, promised we could buy some alcohol on the way home, so he started to leave, thank fuck for that I thought!
We leave leave through the kitchen, as we pass the whisky, my ex grabs ot and starts for the front door, my BIL is incensed and demands he gives it back, my ex stares at him, flicks the lid of I’m one go and pouts it into his mouth, I am mortified
I promise to replace the whisky, but my BIL really doesn’t want to lose here, it’s a stand off, so I’m pushing my ex through the lounge to the front door, as we go through the lounge, we all seem to notice at the same time the samurai sword displayed on the mantle piece
As my BIL makes a lunge for the sword, I push my ex out the front door and we run to car, as I’m starting the engine my BIL appears at the front door brandishing said sword, luckily it wasn’t a movie, so my car started straight away
As I pull away my very drunk BIL chases the car swiping with the sword, he chases us for a short while and in the rear view mirror I see him stop and throw some shapes about in anger
I was with my ex for another 9 years after that, and I believe they only ever spoke to him once after that
So the moral of the story is don’t drink whisky with people you don’t like, someone really might die
So the moral of the story is don’t drink whisky with people you don’t like, someone really might die