Vadivel thread on being divorced in India (and general dos and don’ts on how you can help someone going through a divorce)
#ProjectKintsugi ft Vadivel GIFS because why not? :D

1. First things first- If you know someone doing through a divorce. Listen to them without judgement and make them feel heard, be there for them.

2. Don’t ask useless questions like:

* Was it a love marriage or arranged marriage?
* Who ended it first- Him or her?

I don’t know who’s doing what with this data. Ishtathuku stats collect panna vendidhu bleddy.

3. Don’t pry or ask unnecessary questions. They will tell you when they are ready. Do not gossip or spread rumours

4. Do not say you saw this coming or I told you so. This is not the time for that

5. Offer to hang out with them indoors/outdoor. What works for one may not work for the other person. One may believe in going out and keeping themselves busy with friends and the other may prefer staying indoors. there’s no right or wrong here. Don’t push or guilt trip them

6. Do not try and give updates on what the ex is upto.
“Avan road trip pona enna, veetla okkandu bajji saapta enna. Naan ketena?”

7. If you are a parent or a sibling, please understand that they will have mood swings, angry fits and crying tantrums.

8. It can get overwhelming and it’s not under their control sometimes. But they still love you and you are family. Be patient with them.

9. A lot of well meaning adults in the family will recommend astrologers, kili josiyam, pariharams to wash the sins off or for bad karma. Don’t make them feel like it’s their fault. They are already hurting. Don’t force them to do things they don’t believe in.

10. Don’t immediately start the topic of dating or ‘remarriage’ again.

11. All the mamis (even mamas) in the house will come running to ask “ennada kanna onaku poi ippdi aiduthu”
Dear aunty, it’s not always a bad thing!

12. In my case a lot of mamis came running with details of other divorced bois and their jaadhagam (horoscope)

13. There’s already too much stigma they are dealing with. It’s 2020, what’s with your ‘divorced girl means should get married to a divorced boy only’ rule?

14. There will come a time where they will get comfortable with the idea of getting on a dating app or dating again. Don’t judge. Some may move on immediately and some may take a little longer. It’s ok.

15. It may work well in their favour

16. Or may go downhill again

17. Being divorced is painful irrespective of age or gender but being a divorced woman is not easy. Married men, lawyers, creepy men, very few eligible single men- they all try to hit on you because they think you are ‘easy’

18. Even the smallest act of kindness or niceness can be confusing.

And then when you talk about stories of abuse in the relationship people will try and ask you “why didn’t you leave then?” Will say all nice things in DM about how they are shocked but will continue to work with or be friends with the abusive ex

But here’s to all friends/family who have said the right thing and stayed supportive despite your views on divorce, here tekkit and go

Idhuku mela thembu illa. Taking a break. Will keep building on it. Ippo restu!