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hi everything! 
how are you to find out?
good vibes lang tayo
at dapat walang iyakan ha.
i just wanna share my story,
sana makatulong.
disclaimer lang, this is a sensitive topic at medyo mahaba to.
how are you to find out?
good vibes lang tayo
at dapat walang iyakan ha.
i just wanna share my story,
sana makatulong.
disclaimer lang, this is a sensitive topic at medyo mahaba to.
so this thread i'm going to share is all about a HORRIBLE event na naranasan ko, it massively damaged me as a person and it influenced BAD DECISIONS sa buhay ko.
nangyari ito nung 7 years old ako.
meron akong bisita, kumatok sa pinto, pag bukas ko pinapasok ko agad kasi KILALA ko siya.
meron akong bisita, kumatok sa pinto, pag bukas ko pinapasok ko agad kasi KILALA ko siya.
pumasok na siya sa bahay,
and i continued watching cartoons sa tv.
he asked me san daw si papa at bakit ako lang mag-isa,
sabi ko naman, "nasa work po at wala pa pong bagong katulong kaya ako lang mag-isa."
(sana all naay yaya)
and i continued watching cartoons sa tv.
he asked me san daw si papa at bakit ako lang mag-isa,
sabi ko naman, "nasa work po at wala pa pong bagong katulong kaya ako lang mag-isa."
(sana all naay yaya
)
nilapitan niya ako and we talked for a few minutes about family matters, sa farm, and etc.
out of the blue, tinabihan niya ako bigla dun sa kinauupuan ko at sabi niya, pwede ba daw nya akong anuhin
out of the blue, tinabihan niya ako bigla dun sa kinauupuan ko at sabi niya, pwede ba daw nya akong anuhin
so ako naman, as a kid, nagulat tas sabi ko sa kanya "tito diba bad yan? ayoko po."
he tried to convince me,
he asked me repeatedly and i insisted na ayoko talaga.
uneasy na ako nun kasi hinahawakan na niya katawan ko while convincing me about his request
he tried to convince me,
he asked me repeatedly and i insisted na ayoko talaga.
uneasy na ako nun kasi hinahawakan na niya katawan ko while convincing me about his request
all of a sudden, may force nang kasama ang paghawak niya sakin,
he warned me not to shout or else something bad will happen and natakot naman ako.
hinubaran niya ako and he started kissing different parts of my body,
i was crying, terrified, and clueless what to do.
he warned me not to shout or else something bad will happen and natakot naman ako.
hinubaran niya ako and he started kissing different parts of my body,
i was crying, terrified, and clueless what to do.
i was abused.
i was sexually abused by my Uncle.
he penetrated me, it was hella painful and traumatic.
i was helpless, but most of all, alone.
i was sexually abused by my Uncle.
he penetrated me, it was hella painful and traumatic.
i was helpless, but most of all, alone.
after nun, tulala na lang ako, wala na akong gana kumain, di na ako masyado lumalabas ng bahay para maglaro, palagi nalang ako nagmumukmuk sa kwarto
pero i tried my very best to act normal in front of other people,
na parang wala lang nangyari.
pero i tried my very best to act normal in front of other people,
na parang wala lang nangyari.
i couldn't tell anyone about what happened, i kept it for myself.
working abroad si mama,
busy sa work and farm si papa.
1 big reason na ayoko mag-sumbong sa parents ko,
bago lang sila naghiwalay nun,
and ayoko na dumagdag pa sa problema nila
working abroad si mama,
busy sa work and farm si papa.
1 big reason na ayoko mag-sumbong sa parents ko,
bago lang sila naghiwalay nun,
and ayoko na dumagdag pa sa problema nila
kaso, di lang dun nagtatapos,
frequent na "NIYA" ako binibisita
and ginagalaw "NIYA" ako almost everyday.
when it happened the first time,
i was traumatized.
but it happened more than 20 times,
that time, i was devastated.
frequent na "NIYA" ako binibisita
and ginagalaw "NIYA" ako almost everyday.
when it happened the first time,
i was traumatized.
but it happened more than 20 times,
that time, i was devastated.
gusto ko nalang maglaho, mamatay, mawala ng parang bula
di na ako makapag-isip ng maayos.
di na ako makapag-isip ng maayos.
nung nag-aaral na ako, i diverted my attention sa acads, instruments, new friends, and pilit ko ibinabaon sa limot ang MGA nangyari.
nag excel naman ako sa pag-aaral ko, matataas grades ko and achiever ako mula elementary hanggang highschool, marami akong awards nakukuha.
nag excel naman ako sa pag-aaral ko, matataas grades ko and achiever ako mula elementary hanggang highschool, marami akong awards nakukuha.
kaso,
akala ko nakalimutan ko na,
akala ko naovercome ko na,
pero hindi,
naging busy lang pala ako.
akala ko nakalimutan ko na,
akala ko naovercome ko na,
pero hindi,
naging busy lang pala ako.
nung nag college na ako,
i took BS Psychology.
as i learned more about the science of behavior, and gained knowledge
traumatic memories are flashing back and keeps on bugging me out.
pero syempre wala talaga ako sinabihan about dun
i took BS Psychology.
as i learned more about the science of behavior, and gained knowledge
traumatic memories are flashing back and keeps on bugging me out.
pero syempre wala talaga ako sinabihan about dun
nahuhuli ko sarili ko na nakatulala (out of nowhere)
di makatulog, walang gana kumain, tamad gumalaw, at mabigat pakiramdam
di makatulog, walang gana kumain, tamad gumalaw, at mabigat pakiramdam
parang wala lang yun syempre,
kumbaga na sanay na ako sa mga ganung pangyayari,
pero nagkamali ako.
kumbaga na sanay na ako sa mga ganung pangyayari,
pero nagkamali ako.
slowly, lumala ang sitwasyon;
numbness,
restless mind,
sleepless nights,
extreme emptiness
which resulted to DEPRESSION.
numbness,
restless mind,
sleepless nights,
extreme emptiness
which resulted to DEPRESSION.
i consulted a Psychologist,
nag counselling kami,
and gumaan naman yung pakiramdam ko,
nirefer niya ako to see a Psychiatrist for medical intervention.
nag counselling kami,
and gumaan naman yung pakiramdam ko,
nirefer niya ako to see a Psychiatrist for medical intervention.
ONE TERRIBLE MISTAKE I MADE,
hindi ako nakinig.
i thought okay na ako na naexpress ko na lahat ng nararamdaman ko.
hindi ako nakinig.
i thought okay na ako na naexpress ko na lahat ng nararamdaman ko.
one night,
my mom and i had a fight about my depression.
i was crying and wala na ako sa sarili ko.
naglaslas ako maraming cuts gamit needle.
hindi fatal syempre but i was knocked off dahil sa overdosing ng drowsy na gamot
i woke up na nasa hospital na ako.
my mom and i had a fight about my depression.
i was crying and wala na ako sa sarili ko.
naglaslas ako maraming cuts gamit needle.
hindi fatal syempre but i was knocked off dahil sa overdosing ng drowsy na gamot
i woke up na nasa hospital na ako.
after ako na hospital,
pinatigil ako sa pag-aaral,
i was sent to a rehabilitation center kasi nag insist ang attending Psychiatrist ng hospital, for safety and recovery.
pinatigil ako sa pag-aaral,
i was sent to a rehabilitation center kasi nag insist ang attending Psychiatrist ng hospital, for safety and recovery.
i spent 2 months and 10 days sa rehab, which felt like 1 year.
walang phone, walang gadgets, controlled visitation sa family, monitored diet, took medical prescription and of course counselling sessions.
walang phone, walang gadgets, controlled visitation sa family, monitored diet, took medical prescription and of course counselling sessions.
i'm diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)
