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it's nearly midnight on a Sunday so now would be a good time for my "rating every single character in Warriors Orochi 4" thread I think
starting with Dynasty Warriors:
Cao Cao
the GOAT ruler, style icon, intellectual, irresistible, #1 Mr. Steal Ya Man, not afraid to come on strong, one of the original faves and the only ruler to have a good moveset in every game unless you count Lu Bu as a ruler lol
Cao Cao
the GOAT ruler, style icon, intellectual, irresistible, #1 Mr. Steal Ya Man, not afraid to come on strong, one of the original faves and the only ruler to have a good moveset in every game unless you count Lu Bu as a ruler lol
Xiahou Dun
would be the posterboy if DW was a western game bc he is that popular AND FOR GOOD REASON BRO HE GOT SHOT IN THE EYE THEN PULLED OUT HIS EYEBALL AND ATE IT HOW IS THAT NOT THE MOST METAL SHIT YOU EVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE HE'S SO FUCKING COOL also fun to play & handsome.
would be the posterboy if DW was a western game bc he is that popular AND FOR GOOD REASON BRO HE GOT SHOT IN THE EYE THEN PULLED OUT HIS EYEBALL AND ATE IT HOW IS THAT NOT THE MOST METAL SHIT YOU EVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE HE'S SO FUCKING COOL also fun to play & handsome.
man I'm not doing 4 pics for everyone actually but
Dian Wei
he's big, strong, tough, and cute! Seriously! Dian Wei is cute! Cute!!!!!
Dian Wei
he's big, strong, tough, and cute! Seriously! Dian Wei is cute! Cute!!!!!
Xu Zhu
mostly a fat joke but also very good and strong. Besties with Dian Wei which makes for a spectacular dynamic especially considering they're the very serious Cao Cao's bodyguards lol
mostly a fat joke but also very good and strong. Besties with Dian Wei which makes for a spectacular dynamic especially considering they're the very serious Cao Cao's bodyguards lol
Xiahou Yuan
the less cool Xiahou brother, but infinitely chiller and definitely more of the kind of guy you'd want as a friend. Huge Cool Uncle vibes. Best friends with Zhang He which is WILD bc Zhang He is... we'll get to Zhang He
the less cool Xiahou brother, but infinitely chiller and definitely more of the kind of guy you'd want as a friend. Huge Cool Uncle vibes. Best friends with Zhang He which is WILD bc Zhang He is... we'll get to Zhang He
Zhang Liao
cool hat, cool moustache, cool EVERYTHING. Fuck Koei for swapping his guandao for axes. Strong & a little shy, which is IDEAL. Unexpectedly ship bait bc he has rivalries with like 10 characters. Well, those characters have rivalries with him, he's just like "haha well"
cool hat, cool moustache, cool EVERYTHING. Fuck Koei for swapping his guandao for axes. Strong & a little shy, which is IDEAL. Unexpectedly ship bait bc he has rivalries with like 10 characters. Well, those characters have rivalries with him, he's just like "haha well"
Xu Huang
I literally always forget Xu Huang exists I'm so sorry sweetie your moveset fucking slaps tho especially the bit in the first Orochi game where you glitched out and became a helicopter, thus cementing your meme status within Japanese fandom
I literally always forget Xu Huang exists I'm so sorry sweetie your moveset fucking slaps tho especially the bit in the first Orochi game where you glitched out and became a helicopter, thus cementing your meme status within Japanese fandom
Zhang He
G O A T the OG fave of me & many others bc THOSE CLAWS HONEYYYY, the only man whose intellect and prowess Zhuge Liang feared, turns his troops into a dance squad, turns his enemies into fettuccine
iconic quote: "So, was the enemy camp pretty?"
G O A T the OG fave of me & many others bc THOSE CLAWS HONEYYYY, the only man whose intellect and prowess Zhuge Liang feared, turns his troops into a dance squad, turns his enemies into fettuccine
iconic quote: "So, was the enemy camp pretty?"
Zhenji
in the immortal words of Simalcrum on his DW3 guide: "Uses a flute to sexually destroy men who look at her wrong.". One of my favourite lines of hers is "BOW YOUR HEAD!" while she beats the shit out of pathetic males. In conclusion: huminahuminahuminahumina
in the immortal words of Simalcrum on his DW3 guide: "Uses a flute to sexually destroy men who look at her wrong.". One of my favourite lines of hers is "BOW YOUR HEAD!" while she beats the shit out of pathetic males. In conclusion: huminahuminahuminahumina
Cao Ren
solely added for people who are into bears, I think. Stern, quiet, some of his designs make him look like a robot which is pretty cool. I do not think I have picked him since DW5 and that was only bc I 100%'d DW5. But like there are totes ppl into him and good for them
solely added for people who are into bears, I think. Stern, quiet, some of his designs make him look like a robot which is pretty cool. I do not think I have picked him since DW5 and that was only bc I 100%'d DW5. But like there are totes ppl into him and good for them
Cao Pi
Zhenji's husband (he was introduced 2 games after her, so she's superior, even if he is the emperor), Cao Pi's son, and total bastard. So edgy he has TWO blades. The English dub used to call him "Cow Pee" so to this day ppl still call him Bovine Urine. Deserve! Hot tho.
Zhenji's husband (he was introduced 2 games after her, so she's superior, even if he is the emperor), Cao Pi's son, and total bastard. So edgy he has TWO blades. The English dub used to call him "Cow Pee" so to this day ppl still call him Bovine Urine. Deserve! Hot tho.
Pang De
when they introduced him in DW5 he was the slowest moving character on the roster and I haven't played him since. I think he was added mostly for Fan Castle and to give Ma Chao a friend but man he's mostly just like, there, I guess. Nobody by Mitski just came on and yeah
when they introduced him in DW5 he was the slowest moving character on the roster and I haven't played him since. I think he was added mostly for Fan Castle and to give Ma Chao a friend but man he's mostly just like, there, I guess. Nobody by Mitski just came on and yeah
Cai Wenji
she plays a harp! She's ~pure~! That's about the extent of her character. It is pretty fun to kill people with a harp, though.
she plays a harp! She's ~pure~! That's about the extent of her character. It is pretty fun to kill people with a harp, though.
Jia Xu
we get it you like asscreed. Iconic and super sassy tho. I always have a mini heart attack every time I hear his voice in a battle because I'm never sure if he's on my side or not because he always sounds like he's on your side when he's not and that he's not when he is.
we get it you like asscreed. Iconic and super sassy tho. I always have a mini heart attack every time I hear his voice in a battle because I'm never sure if he's on my side or not because he always sounds like he's on your side when he's not and that he's not when he is.
Wang Yi
we stan a cold cruel woman hellbent on revenge!!! All she cares about is eating (a lot), drinking (heavily), and murder(ing Ma Chao)!!! How can you not love her and her weird asymmetrical mullet.
we stan a cold cruel woman hellbent on revenge!!! All she cares about is eating (a lot), drinking (heavily), and murder(ing Ma Chao)!!! How can you not love her and her weird asymmetrical mullet.
Guo Jia
before he was added in DW7:XL (2011), Guo Jia was a nerdy Sima Yi clone in Dynasty Tactics 2 (2003), so it's still kind of fucked up that he's a billiard-playing ladie's man in crotch high boots now. Talk about a glow-up? I guess?
before he was added in DW7:XL (2011), Guo Jia was a nerdy Sima Yi clone in Dynasty Tactics 2 (2003), so it's still kind of fucked up that he's a billiard-playing ladie's man in crotch high boots now. Talk about a glow-up? I guess?
Yue Jin (not Yu Jin)
baby! Suicidal baby! :( Does not care about his life as much as he should. Worries Li Dian a lot. Short, ripped, speedy and fun. Super cute!!!
baby! Suicidal baby! :( Does not care about his life as much as he should. Worries Li Dian a lot. Short, ripped, speedy and fun. Super cute!!!
Li Dian
a new fave! Fights with a pizza cutter, canonically gay, deredere for Yue Jin and tsundere for Zhang Liao, a total weirdo who keeps talking about his weird hunches (usually right!), SOOOOOOOO fun to play.
iconic quote: "I think I'm in love... Uh, forget I said anything!"
a new fave! Fights with a pizza cutter, canonically gay, deredere for Yue Jin and tsundere for Zhang Liao, a total weirdo who keeps talking about his weird hunches (usually right!), SOOOOOOOO fun to play.
iconic quote: "I think I'm in love... Uh, forget I said anything!"
Yu Jin (not Yue Jin)
another new fave! Authoritarian hardass, pure lawful neutral, scares the shit out everyone including his own allies because of how strict he is, but underneath his demeanour he's very caring. However, his Kessen II characterisation is, uh, it's, uh
another new fave! Authoritarian hardass, pure lawful neutral, scares the shit out everyone including his own allies because of how strict he is, but underneath his demeanour he's very caring. However, his Kessen II characterisation is, uh, it's, uh
Xun Yu, Cao Xiu, Man Chong, Xun You
I should have gotten up to date with the series before starting this list. They all look good with the exception of Xun You (who should shave) though. Glad Wei's finally getting important characters who should've been added years ago at last!!!
I should have gotten up to date with the series before starting this list. They all look good with the exception of Xun You (who should shave) though. Glad Wei's finally getting important characters who should've been added years ago at last!!!
done with Wei, onto Shu
Liu Bei
gets a nice rub in DW despite him doing things like SLAMDUNKING BABY LIU SHAN ON THE GROUND and the whole, you know, Yiling incident, but it's fine. Fluctuating facial hair. Scared of lightning. Horny for Zhuge Liang. Ate some guy's wife. MY PEOPLE
Liu Bei
gets a nice rub in DW despite him doing things like SLAMDUNKING BABY LIU SHAN ON THE GROUND and the whole, you know, Yiling incident, but it's fine. Fluctuating facial hair. Scared of lightning. Horny for Zhuge Liang. Ate some guy's wife. MY PEOPLE
Guan Yu
The God Of War And Also Commerce (?) and still worshipped today. One of Liu Bei's sworn brothers. Cao Cao is hot for him and gave him Lu Bu's rad pony and a silk beard to keep his beard in. Honestly he's a kind of boring character but the beard IS epic.
The God Of War And Also Commerce (?) and still worshipped today. One of Liu Bei's sworn brothers. Cao Cao is hot for him and gave him Lu Bu's rad pony and a silk beard to keep his beard in. Honestly he's a kind of boring character but the beard IS epic.
Zhang Fei
The other one of Liu Bei's sworn brothers. A drunken lout who beat the shit out of his underlings but because he's in Shu which DW/ROTK portrays as "the good guys" this gets played off as "teehee funy drunk uncle". We don't stan
The other one of Liu Bei's sworn brothers. A drunken lout who beat the shit out of his underlings but because he's in Shu which DW/ROTK portrays as "the good guys" this gets played off as "teehee funy drunk uncle". We don't stan
Zhuge Liang
Definition of THAT BITCH. Doesn't matter what you do, he knew you were gonna do it. Always calm and collected, literally SO annoying. Bullied Zhou Yu to death (then made a show of crying at his funeral) and TRIED IT with Sima Yi by sending him a dress but died lol.
Definition of THAT BITCH. Doesn't matter what you do, he knew you were gonna do it. Always calm and collected, literally SO annoying. Bullied Zhou Yu to death (then made a show of crying at his funeral) and TRIED IT with Sima Yi by sending him a dress but died lol.
Zhao Yun!
Poster boy! With the personality of a posterboard! He risked his life to save baby Liu Shan on his own, only for Liu Bei to slam dunk that baby on the ground because he was so mad that Zhao Yun could've died. A good starter choice tho, fun to play
Poster boy! With the personality of a posterboard! He risked his life to save baby Liu Shan on his own, only for Liu Bei to slam dunk that baby on the ground because he was so mad that Zhao Yun could've died. A good starter choice tho, fun to play
MA CHAO MA CHAO MANNNN I WANNA BE A MA CHAO MAN
Ma Chao The Splendid, Ma Chao The Horsefucker, Ma Chao The Cousinfucker, Ma Chao The Really Fun To Play As Long As You Like The Word JUSTICE, Ma Chao The Reason I Will Continue To Ask Koei Every Day To Add Kessen Costumes As DLC
Ma Chao The Splendid, Ma Chao The Horsefucker, Ma Chao The Cousinfucker, Ma Chao The Really Fun To Play As Long As You Like The Word JUSTICE, Ma Chao The Reason I Will Continue To Ask Koei Every Day To Add Kessen Costumes As DLC
Ma Dai
Ma Chao's more cheerful and easygoing cousin, which ig isn't saying much considering that Ma Chao spends his life hollering abt JUSTICE. Fights with a paintbrush. Zhuge Liang likes him a lot. Waiting for Koei to add the bit where he kills Wei Yan in cold blood. Nice hat!
Ma Chao's more cheerful and easygoing cousin, which ig isn't saying much considering that Ma Chao spends his life hollering abt JUSTICE. Fights with a paintbrush. Zhuge Liang likes him a lot. Waiting for Koei to add the bit where he kills Wei Yan in cold blood. Nice hat!
Huang Zhong
Back in MY DAY, any officer could use a bow just by pressing the R1 button
Back in MY DAY, any officer could use a bow just by pressing the R1 button
Jiang Wei
Zhuge Liang's protégé, obsessed with him, constantly banging on about PRIME MINISTER. A bit of a tragic figure as he gets lost in the sauce of trying to live up to his mentor and more or less causes the downfall of Shu. Always has a weird faux-Chinese accent? Cute tho!
Zhuge Liang's protégé, obsessed with him, constantly banging on about PRIME MINISTER. A bit of a tragic figure as he gets lost in the sauce of trying to live up to his mentor and more or less causes the downfall of Shu. Always has a weird faux-Chinese accent? Cute tho!
Wei Yan
historically... normal... but koei... make... talk... like... this...
very fun to play and hot tbh but literally what is the go with the ooga booga characterisation lmfao. Koei also made his one single friend Ma Dai which is a BIG CONCERN considering, uh, developments
historically... normal... but koei... make... talk... like... this...
very fun to play and hot tbh but literally what is the go with the ooga booga characterisation lmfao. Koei also made his one single friend Ma Dai which is a BIG CONCERN considering, uh, developments
Pang Tong
look at this official render, know that he's smarter than Zhuge Liang and not a quarter as up himself, and STAN TALENT
look at this official render, know that he's smarter than Zhuge Liang and not a quarter as up himself, and STAN TALENT
Yueying
Nerd girl rep, genius inventor and Zhuge Liang's wife, she's supposed to be ugly but koei are brainlets so she's generically pretty. Pretty fucking brutal moveset!!!
Nerd girl rep, genius inventor and Zhuge Liang's wife, she's supposed to be ugly but koei are brainlets so she's generically pretty. Pretty fucking brutal moveset!!!
Guan Ping
the eldest and most important of the many, many, many, many Guan siblings, why did Koei add so many fucking Guan children, we don't this many Guans!!! Big Fucking Sword. Overcompensating? Perhaps.
the eldest and most important of the many, many, many, many Guan siblings, why did Koei add so many fucking Guan children, we don't this many Guans!!! Big Fucking Sword. Overcompensating? Perhaps.
Guan Xing
man I guess
man I guess
Guan Suo
was specifically designed to be girlbait with his prettyboy design but he's one of the most unpopular characters in the series lmfao. Protip, if you're making a girlbait character? Don't give him an annoying fangirl and no interactions with other cute boys. NO MORE GUANS
was specifically designed to be girlbait with his prettyboy design but he's one of the most unpopular characters in the series lmfao. Protip, if you're making a girlbait character? Don't give him an annoying fangirl and no interactions with other cute boys. NO MORE GUANS
Guan Yinping
the final Guan (for now and hopefully forever), fanboy bait with a kind of annoying "uguuu im so weak and pathetic" *is actually really strong and this is played for laughs because she's a girl* characterisation but cute and fun to play
the final Guan (for now and hopefully forever), fanboy bait with a kind of annoying "uguuu im so weak and pathetic" *is actually really strong and this is played for laughs because she's a girl* characterisation but cute and fun to play
Bao Sanniang
Has no personality apart from fangirling over Guan Suo, looking like a member of Girls' Generation, and going "nya" during her musou. Why was she added before like, actually important generals eg Zhou Cang and Fa Zheng??? We just don't know (it's because fanboys)
Has no personality apart from fangirling over Guan Suo, looking like a member of Girls' Generation, and going "nya" during her musou. Why was she added before like, actually important generals eg Zhou Cang and Fa Zheng??? We just don't know (it's because fanboys)
Zhang Bao
Zhang Fei's son. Nice crop top. Besties with Guan Xing. Uhhhhh
Zhang Fei's son. Nice crop top. Besties with Guan Xing. Uhhhhh
Xingcai
Zhang Fei's daughter, thankfully shares NONE of his physical characteristics or personality. Serious and patient, which are good qualities to have both as Zhang Fei's child and Liu Shan's bodyguard. I miss her barbecue fork.
Zhang Fei's daughter, thankfully shares NONE of his physical characteristics or personality. Serious and patient, which are good qualities to have both as Zhang Fei's child and Liu Shan's bodyguard. I miss her barbecue fork.
Xu Shu
Jia Xu's partner in liking asscreed. Like Jia Xu, I always have to do a double-check when I hear his voice in battle bc I'm never sure if he's on my side or not. Unlike Jia Xu, though, I'm never threatened by him, bc Xu Shu has depression.
Jia Xu's partner in liking asscreed. Like Jia Xu, I always have to do a double-check when I hear his voice in battle bc I'm never sure if he's on my side or not. Unlike Jia Xu, though, I'm never threatened by him, bc Xu Shu has depression.
Fa Zheng
Fights using a dishcloth, which is a lot more fun than it sounds. Most of his dialogue is like "YEAH I'M ~BAD~ YEAH I'M A ~VILLAIN~ WHAT ABOUT IT LOL" like damn chill bro
Fights using a dishcloth, which is a lot more fun than it sounds. Most of his dialogue is like "YEAH I'M ~BAD~ YEAH I'M A ~VILLAIN~ WHAT ABOUT IT LOL" like damn chill bro
Liu Shan
Baby boy! Baby! Historically recorded as a bumbling idiot (man his dad slamdunked him on the ground as a baby what do you want), but DW's characterisation of him as someone who plays the fool bc he's tired of the chaos is v interesting, some of their best work tbh. CUTE
Baby boy! Baby! Historically recorded as a bumbling idiot (man his dad slamdunked him on the ground as a baby what do you want), but DW's characterisation of him as someone who plays the fool bc he's tired of the chaos is v interesting, some of their best work tbh. CUTE
I'm ignoring Xiahou Ji's addition bc it makes me rly uncomfortable and I haven't played the game she's in anyway so let's just look at Zhou Cang and wonder WHY IN THE FUCK it took this long for him to be added
onwards to Wu!
Sun Jian
Are you into daddies? Like actual fathers with grown children? Well have I got the man for you! But only for a few battles because he gets mashed into butt gravy by a boulder lol
Sun Jian
Are you into daddies? Like actual fathers with grown children? Well have I got the man for you! But only for a few battles because he gets mashed into butt gravy by a boulder lol
Sun Ce
the eldest Sun child. Big dumb jock who is very popular with the boys, especially Taishi Ci, who he recruits after a scuffle, and Zhou Yu, who he's basically canon married to as we are ignoring the lolicon-bait Qiaos (we'll get to them but ew). Dies pretty early on too tho
the eldest Sun child. Big dumb jock who is very popular with the boys, especially Taishi Ci, who he recruits after a scuffle, and Zhou Yu, who he's basically canon married to as we are ignoring the lolicon-bait Qiaos (we'll get to them but ew). Dies pretty early on too tho
Sun Quan
the middlest Sun child and ruler of Wu for the majority of the story. Business on the battlefield but a party animal with the boys. If you hear a funny story from ROTK, there's a 50/50 chance that he's involved. Thank you koei for his DW6 makeover bc jeeeeesus that beard
the middlest Sun child and ruler of Wu for the majority of the story. Business on the battlefield but a party animal with the boys. If you hear a funny story from ROTK, there's a 50/50 chance that he's involved. Thank you koei for his DW6 makeover bc jeeeeesus that beard
Sun Shangxiang
The youngest Sun child. Despite what koei tells you, she's a lesbian & her marriage to Liu Bei was 100% political. Check the NO CHILDREN and SHOWING UP WITH SWORDMAIDENS AND A ROOM FULL OF WEAPONS. Fuck them trying to make her more femme, she was cuter as a tomboy.
The youngest Sun child. Despite what koei tells you, she's a lesbian & her marriage to Liu Bei was 100% political. Check the NO CHILDREN and SHOWING UP WITH SWORDMAIDENS AND A ROOM FULL OF WEAPONS. Fuck them trying to make her more femme, she was cuter as a tomboy.
Zhou Yu Has No Rights
famously handsome, famously lead Wu to victory at Chibi, famously was basically married to Sun Ce, famously talented in the art of music, famously got bullied to death by Zhuge Liang lmao fuckin REKT lmao hahahaha little baby bitch lmao
famously handsome, famously lead Wu to victory at Chibi, famously was basically married to Sun Ce, famously talented in the art of music, famously got bullied to death by Zhuge Liang lmao fuckin REKT lmao hahahaha little baby bitch lmao
Taishi Ci
Sun Ce's bland best friend. His two big sticks have provided many people ample ammunition for a variety of lewd and family friendly jokes. Honestly when I think about him the only thing that comes to mind is "I'VE GOT YOU NOW, TAISHI CI!"
Sun Ce's bland best friend. His two big sticks have provided many people ample ammunition for a variety of lewd and family friendly jokes. Honestly when I think about him the only thing that comes to mind is "I'VE GOT YOU NOW, TAISHI CI!"
Huang Gai
for the longest time, Wu was known as the kingdom of bishounen all but for one character.
for the longest time, Wu was known as the kingdom of bishounen all but for one character.
Gan Ning
cool as hell pirate who has a cute hot/cold relationship with Ling Tong whose dad he killed. Rough and reckless, but a nice guy despite that. Only sometimes has nipples. The most fun you can have in DW4 is find baby Liu Shan as Gan Ning, hit your musou, and GOTTA GO FAST
cool as hell pirate who has a cute hot/cold relationship with Ling Tong whose dad he killed. Rough and reckless, but a nice guy despite that. Only sometimes has nipples. The most fun you can have in DW4 is find baby Liu Shan as Gan Ning, hit your musou, and GOTTA GO FAST
Ling Tong
T S U N D E R E. Super sarcastic, appears chill but actually gets riled up easily. Constantly bickering with Gan Ning. Has a really pretty beauty mark. I miss his nunchucks but the three-section staff is cool too I guess.
T S U N D E R E. Super sarcastic, appears chill but actually gets riled up easily. Constantly bickering with Gan Ning. Has a really pretty beauty mark. I miss his nunchucks but the three-section staff is cool too I guess.
Lu Meng
proof that you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. One day Sun Quan was like "bro read a fucking book some time" so he did and turned out to be an impressive strategist. Gruff and tough but a good teacher and also he killed Guan Yu and gave Liu Bei a FIT so lol onya
proof that you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. One day Sun Quan was like "bro read a fucking book some time" so he did and turned out to be an impressive strategist. Gruff and tough but a good teacher and also he killed Guan Yu and gave Liu Bei a FIT so lol onya
Lu Xun
Lu Meng's successor (no relation). Very popular, very shippable, very cute design, often has his midriff out and/or a nice hat on, what's not to like? I mean unless pyromania is a turnoff for you
Lu Meng's successor (no relation). Very popular, very shippable, very cute design, often has his midriff out and/or a nice hat on, what's not to like? I mean unless pyromania is a turnoff for you
Zhu Ran
mostly here for his hashtag epic fire attack on Yiling, but also here to be pretty and shippable with Lu Xun, I guess. Basically he's Lu Xun but dumber and even more pyromaniacal. Great fun though!
mostly here for his hashtag epic fire attack on Yiling, but also here to be pretty and shippable with Lu Xun, I guess. Basically he's Lu Xun but dumber and even more pyromaniacal. Great fun though!
Lu Su
There are a lot of Lus in Dynasty Warriors and none of them are related. Lu Su is cool as fuck though, charming and witty and chill, also he fights with a rake and somehow this is one of the best movesets in DW8? He rules
There are a lot of Lus in Dynasty Warriors and none of them are related. Lu Su is cool as fuck though, charming and witty and chill, also he fights with a rake and somehow this is one of the best movesets in DW8? He rules
Zhou Tai
COOL AS FUUUUUUUUUUCK very popular for obvious reasons. Sun Quan's beloved and mostly silent bodyguard who is covered in sexy scars. Sun Quan once asked him to strip off and tell the story behind each one, cried, hugged him, then gave him a parasol.
COOL AS FUUUUUUUUUUCK very popular for obvious reasons. Sun Quan's beloved and mostly silent bodyguard who is covered in sexy scars. Sun Quan once asked him to strip off and tell the story behind each one, cried, hugged him, then gave him a parasol.
Lianshi
koei realised they made Sun Quan super fucking gay so they added her to straighten him out a bit. It didn't work very well, but it did work well to make her charge, Sun Shangxiang, even more lesbian. Breasted boobily to the battlefield and titted to war.
koei realised they made Sun Quan super fucking gay so they added her to straighten him out a bit. It didn't work very well, but it did work well to make her charge, Sun Shangxiang, even more lesbian. Breasted boobily to the battlefield and titted to war.
The Two Qiaos
Daqiao and Xiaoqiao (basically just "big Qiao" and "little Qiao") are just lolicon bait tbh. Daqiao (red/blue) is Sun Ce's wife and acts fairly maturely, Xiaoqiao (orange/green) is Zhou Yu's wife and talks/acts like a fucking 5 year old. Xiao is fun to play though.
Daqiao and Xiaoqiao (basically just "big Qiao" and "little Qiao") are just lolicon bait tbh. Daqiao (red/blue) is Sun Ce's wife and acts fairly maturely, Xiaoqiao (orange/green) is Zhou Yu's wife and talks/acts like a fucking 5 year old. Xiao is fun to play though.
Han Dang
I do not like this man. Insecure and always worried about not standing out enough despite being a veteran. Do not fucking come for me because you're generic, weirdo
I do not like this man. Insecure and always worried about not standing out enough despite being a veteran. Do not fucking come for me because you're generic, weirdo
Ding Feng
He looks like this but he likes poetry. Perfect character.
iconic quotes: "Like the first zephyrs of summer, I feel fresh as a daisy."
"When I write poetry, my heart is at ease, like a clear stream flowing through the mountains."
He looks like this but he likes poetry. Perfect character.
iconic quotes: "Like the first zephyrs of summer, I feel fresh as a daisy."
"When I write poetry, my heart is at ease, like a clear stream flowing through the mountains."
Cheng Pu and Xu Sheng
WHY DID IT TAKE UNTIL DW9 FOR KOEI TO ADD CHENG PU, ONE OF WU'S MAJOR GENERALS??? I haven't played DW9 so let's just look at them. They look cool! Xu Sheng is a lil too Sun Ce-esque for me but whatever he dies like 3 stages in anyway
WHY DID IT TAKE UNTIL DW9 FOR KOEI TO ADD CHENG PU, ONE OF WU'S MAJOR GENERALS??? I haven't played DW9 so let's just look at them. They look cool! Xu Sheng is a lil too Sun Ce-esque for me but whatever he dies like 3 stages in anyway
JIN TIME
Sima Yi
should still count as Wei but w/e he's still GOAT and THE fave. Iconic evil laugh, the ICONIC evil scheming strategist (who isn't actually that evil, he just has that kind of face), Jafar btfo. I miss his fan moveset. His rivalry with Zhuge Liang... chef kiss
Sima Yi
should still count as Wei but w/e he's still GOAT and THE fave. Iconic evil laugh, the ICONIC evil scheming strategist (who isn't actually that evil, he just has that kind of face), Jafar btfo. I miss his fan moveset. His rivalry with Zhuge Liang... chef kiss
Sima Shi
the eldest Sima child who wears a Phantom Of The Opera mask and dies like 10 minutes into the Jin storyline. When he was first introduced everyone thought he was Cao Pi with a new accessory. Him being Sima Yi's (someone shipped very heavily with Cao Pi) kid did not help.
the eldest Sima child who wears a Phantom Of The Opera mask and dies like 10 minutes into the Jin storyline. When he was first introduced everyone thought he was Cao Pi with a new accessory. Him being Sima Yi's (someone shipped very heavily with Cao Pi) kid did not help.
Sima Zhao
TITS OUT FOR THE BOYS!!! I have no idea where these genes came from. His moveset is really fun tho and I like his characterisation as a chill surfer dude who just aint into all this war shit despite being the emperor apparent lol
TITS OUT FOR THE BOYS!!! I have no idea where these genes came from. His moveset is really fun tho and I like his characterisation as a chill surfer dude who just aint into all this war shit despite being the emperor apparent lol
Wang Yuanji
koei realised they didn't really have a "short tsundere with big tits who cares a lot about you and will clean up after your messes" character so they added Wang Yuanji and she immediately became the most popular character in the franchise bc men are simple creatures.
koei realised they didn't really have a "short tsundere with big tits who cares a lot about you and will clean up after your messes" character so they added Wang Yuanji and she immediately became the most popular character in the franchise bc men are simple creatures.
Zhang Chunhua
I was concerned at first when they revealed her design bc she looks so nice and kind but she's actually a smiling soft sadistic dominant who keeps her husband Sima Yi and kids the FUCK in line. Like her husband, she's also incredibly Not Straight. Based queen tbh
I was concerned at first when they revealed her design bc she looks so nice and kind but she's actually a smiling soft sadistic dominant who keeps her husband Sima Yi and kids the FUCK in line. Like her husband, she's also incredibly Not Straight. Based queen tbh
Jia Chong
we get it you're goth. 2003 eyebrow having mother fucker "ooh I'm the hidden blade of the Sima clan ooh I'm so spooky look at me lurking in the shadows" shut up and go listen to some Dir en grey
we get it you're goth. 2003 eyebrow having mother fucker "ooh I'm the hidden blade of the Sima clan ooh I'm so spooky look at me lurking in the shadows" shut up and go listen to some Dir en grey
Guo Huai
YOU LIVE IN FUCKING COLD ASS WEI NO WONDER YOU'RE ALWAYS SICK AND COUGHING WHEN YOU'VE GOT YOUR TITS FULLY OUT
YOU LIVE IN FUCKING COLD ASS WEI NO WONDER YOU'RE ALWAYS SICK AND COUGHING WHEN YOU'VE GOT YOUR TITS FULLY OUT
Wen Yang
such beautiful cardboard!
such beautiful cardboard!
Xiahou Ba
say it with me now! O-V-E-R-C-O-M-P-E-N-S-A-T-I-N-G! Xiahou Yuan's son and a traitor who betrayed Wei/Jin for Shu, despite Shu clearly not fucking doing very well lol so I guess that makes him an idiot too
say it with me now! O-V-E-R-C-O-M-P-E-N-S-A-T-I-N-G! Xiahou Yuan's son and a traitor who betrayed Wei/Jin for Shu, despite Shu clearly not fucking doing very well lol so I guess that makes him an idiot too
Zhuge Dan
Little dog who can't stand how lazy Sima Zhao is and betrays Jin for Wu, only for the Wu forces to betray him in return lol. Anxious wreck who feels like he has to live up to the Zhuge name. Despite all this he's very cute???????? Obsessively in love with Sima Shi also.
Little dog who can't stand how lazy Sima Zhao is and betrays Jin for Wu, only for the Wu forces to betray him in return lol. Anxious wreck who feels like he has to live up to the Zhuge name. Despite all this he's very cute???????? Obsessively in love with Sima Shi also.
Deng Ai
Zhong Hui HATES him! Man rises through the ranks using this one weird trick (being strong, intelligent, rational, and careful, instead of selfish and hasty) (also having amazing thighs)
Zhong Hui HATES him! Man rises through the ranks using this one weird trick (being strong, intelligent, rational, and careful, instead of selfish and hasty) (also having amazing thighs)
Zhong Hui
LOATHES Deng Ai, rebellious, selfish, prideful, a total narcissist who will blame anyone but himself for his mistakes. Unsurprisingly, he also betrays Jin for Shu, and also unsurprisingly, his rebellion fails bc he's a shithead. Sima Zhao watching this going on like
LOATHES Deng Ai, rebellious, selfish, prideful, a total narcissist who will blame anyone but himself for his mistakes. Unsurprisingly, he also betrays Jin for Shu, and also unsurprisingly, his rebellion fails bc he's a shithead. Sima Zhao watching this going on like
onto... Other!
Dong Zhuo
.......................................... no
Dong Zhuo
.......................................... no
DON'T PURSUE LU BU
shares the posterboy spotlight with Zhao Yun, but definitely better known to non-superfans of the series bc of his iconic look and the fact he's nigh-invincible. He's super powerful, super treacherous, super douchey, and often known as "cockroach" lol
shares the posterboy spotlight with Zhao Yun, but definitely better known to non-superfans of the series bc of his iconic look and the fact he's nigh-invincible. He's super powerful, super treacherous, super douchey, and often known as "cockroach" lol
Diaochan
the dancing diva of ancient China. Definitely way more interesting now that they lean more into her using her beauty and wiles to turn Lu Bu & Dong Zhuo against each other instead of just being Lu Bu's pure innocent sweetheart. Recommend her whip moveset with burly guys.
the dancing diva of ancient China. Definitely way more interesting now that they lean more into her using her beauty and wiles to turn Lu Bu & Dong Zhuo against each other instead of just being Lu Bu's pure innocent sweetheart. Recommend her whip moveset with burly guys.
Lu Lingqi
Lu Bu's daughter, tough as nails but kind of lacking in the social department bc uhhhhh well her dad is Lu Bu. She rules tho
Lu Bu's daughter, tough as nails but kind of lacking in the social department bc uhhhhh well her dad is Lu Bu. She rules tho
Chen Gong
slimy little weasel man. Used to be under Cao Cao but then goes HMMMM LU BU STRONK and joins him instead, to which Cao Cao is kind of like... ok...
very fun to hit enemies on the head with a bamboo scroll.
slimy little weasel man. Used to be under Cao Cao but then goes HMMMM LU BU STRONK and joins him instead, to which Cao Cao is kind of like... ok...
very fun to hit enemies on the head with a bamboo scroll.
Yuan Shao
we don't talk about his pre-DW6 design ANYWAY he's super prideful and pretentious and always banging on about how noble he is, which is a lot funnier than it sounds I swear. Literally one of the funniest characters in the series. Loves himself more than anything else.
we don't talk about his pre-DW6 design ANYWAY he's super prideful and pretentious and always banging on about how noble he is, which is a lot funnier than it sounds I swear. Literally one of the funniest characters in the series. Loves himself more than anything else.
Zhang Jiao, more commonly known as Flaming Jesus
OK PAUSE WAIT ZHANG JIAO IS THE FUNNIEST BAR NONE. Cult leader who thinks he speaks for THE HEAVENS!!!!!!!! and uses "magic" (just tricks). p iconic bc the Yellow Turban Rebellion is commonly a starting point in the games
OK PAUSE WAIT ZHANG JIAO IS THE FUNNIEST BAR NONE. Cult leader who thinks he speaks for THE HEAVENS!!!!!!!! and uses "magic" (just tricks). p iconic bc the Yellow Turban Rebellion is commonly a starting point in the games
Meng Huo
tribal king who lost to Zhuge Liang 7 times before finally surrendering and if you put him in the "enchantress" slot of the DW3 opening movie edit you get a closeup of his nipple. He's a nice guy who loves his wife & people! DW6 made him look like Batista for some reason
tribal king who lost to Zhuge Liang 7 times before finally surrendering and if you put him in the "enchantress" slot of the DW3 opening movie edit you get a closeup of his nipple. He's a nice guy who loves his wife & people! DW6 made him look like Batista for some reason
Shakira, er, Zhurong
easily the hottest character in the series. She's fiery (literally claims to be a descendant of the god of fire), ferocious, and is really the power behind Nanman lol
easily the hottest character in the series. She's fiery (literally claims to be a descendant of the god of fire), ferocious, and is really the power behind Nanman lol
Zuo Ci
Not really part of the main cast, kind of a bonus character? Still not 100% sure what his deal is but it sure is fun to smack people with cards.
Not really part of the main cast, kind of a bonus character? Still not 100% sure what his deal is but it sure is fun to smack people with cards.
turns out they added a LOT of "other" characters in DW9 so here are my impressions
Dong Bai: cute but def bait for lolicon creeps who like tsundere little girls
Yuan Shu: GIRL THOSE SHOES? WERK
Hua Xiong: girl I'm not sure this lipstick shade works for you but props for trying
Dong Bai: cute but def bait for lolicon creeps who like tsundere little girls
Yuan Shu: GIRL THOSE SHOES? WERK
Hua Xiong: girl I'm not sure this lipstick shade works for you but props for trying
onto Samurai Warriors!
Oda Nobunaga
The Demon King, cold, sadistic, theatrical, bisexual (canon in history & games), strange, whimsical, poetic, sensual...
stan talent. it's. just. that. simple.
iconic quote: "what is it that you desire?"
watch this video:
Oda Nobunaga
The Demon King, cold, sadistic, theatrical, bisexual (canon in history & games), strange, whimsical, poetic, sensual...
stan talent. it's. just. that. simple.
iconic quote: "what is it that you desire?"
watch this video:
No
more like YES. Even more openly sadistic than her husband Nobunaga, they both know that she plans to kill him one day and they both get off on it lol. Loves torture, murder, bloodshed and domination. Obviously, this makes her SW's Best Girl.
more like YES. Even more openly sadistic than her husband Nobunaga, they both know that she plans to kill him one day and they both get off on it lol. Loves torture, murder, bloodshed and domination. Obviously, this makes her SW's Best Girl.
Mori Ranmaru
Nobunaga's page and favoured lover, famous for his beauty that shone through any disguise. He gets teased a lot for his feminine looks, but he's fierce, loyal, brave, and a lot more perceptive than given credit for!
Nobunaga's page and favoured lover, famous for his beauty that shone through any disguise. He gets teased a lot for his feminine looks, but he's fierce, loyal, brave, and a lot more perceptive than given credit for!
Oichi
Nobunaga's little sister. An especially bland "pure and cute" character who does little except for adoring her similarly bland husband and calling No ugly. Clearly, Nobunaga got all the good genes.
Nobunaga's little sister. An especially bland "pure and cute" character who does little except for adoring her similarly bland husband and calling No ugly. Clearly, Nobunaga got all the good genes.
Azai Nagamasa
Oichi's boring but beautiful husband. Always banging on about LOVE and HONOUR and then betrays Nobunaga then kills himself with Mitsuhide's sword, oops! People like to ship him with Nobunaga and it leads to a lot of confusing namesmashes.
Oichi's boring but beautiful husband. Always banging on about LOVE and HONOUR and then betrays Nobunaga then kills himself with Mitsuhide's sword, oops! People like to ship him with Nobunaga and it leads to a lot of confusing namesmashes.
Akechi Mitsuhide
Chivalrous, polite, honourable, a true samurai. Nobunaga's most devoted, trusted, one might even say beloved vassal, up until he betrays his lord and causes his death at Honnoji (and really, even during it). Hey watch this fucking cutscene
Chivalrous, polite, honourable, a true samurai. Nobunaga's most devoted, trusted, one might even say beloved vassal, up until he betrays his lord and causes his death at Honnoji (and really, even during it). Hey watch this fucking cutscene
Toyotomi Hideyoshi
cheerful, friendly and playful but also very cunning and intelligent. Nobunaga nicknamed him "monkey" and koei went apeshit (pun not intended) with that in the first game but it's been toned down now thank god. SO fun to play
cheerful, friendly and playful but also very cunning and intelligent. Nobunaga nicknamed him "monkey" and koei went apeshit (pun not intended) with that in the first game but it's been toned down now thank god. SO fun to play
Ishida Mitsunari
Hideyoshi's advisor and fan favourite since his introduction, because everyone loves a sarcastic and bitchy bishie boy, I guess. That's a wig, btw.
Hideyoshi's advisor and fan favourite since his introduction, because everyone loves a sarcastic and bitchy bishie boy, I guess. That's a wig, btw.
Shima Sakon
The rugged manly man to Mitsunari's prettyboy. He's cool! Very fun to play
The rugged manly man to Mitsunari's prettyboy. He's cool! Very fun to play
Nene
a ninja and Hideyoshi's wife who treats all the officers on the field like her children, whether they're good kid who deserve to be praised, or naughty kids who need to be punished, which can be pretty fucking funny at times, especially when she puts Mitsunari in his place
a ninja and Hideyoshi's wife who treats all the officers on the field like her children, whether they're good kid who deserve to be praised, or naughty kids who need to be punished, which can be pretty fucking funny at times, especially when she puts Mitsunari in his place
Tokugawa Ieyasu
tanuki uncle... he's cool. DOPE helmet. Unified Japan and all that
tanuki uncle... he's cool. DOPE helmet. Unified Japan and all that
Honda Tadakatsu
imagine if Lu Bu was smart, humble, and loyal. Ok so that's barely Lu Bu at all but my point is he's the strongest ever but also a very nice guy. Love that Taddy Daddy.
imagine if Lu Bu was smart, humble, and loyal. Ok so that's barely Lu Bu at all but my point is he's the strongest ever but also a very nice guy. Love that Taddy Daddy.
Ina
Tadakatsu's daughter, strong and righteous with a strong sense of justice. Does NOT take shit from horny men. Love that for her!
Tadakatsu's daughter, strong and righteous with a strong sense of justice. Does NOT take shit from horny men. Love that for her!
Hattori Hanzo
historically he was a general and not a ninja but ninjas fucking RULE so he's a ninja in SW thanks koei. He also has a battle thong in SW1? Thanks again. Kind of the typical silent devoted ninja type, but works it. Sooooooooo fun to play and soooooooo hot. SNATCHED.
historically he was a general and not a ninja but ninjas fucking RULE so he's a ninja in SW thanks koei. He also has a battle thong in SW1? Thanks again. Kind of the typical silent devoted ninja type, but works it. Sooooooooo fun to play and soooooooo hot. SNATCHED.
Sanada Yukimura
Poster boy! Like Zhao Yun but red and he has a lisp.
Poster boy! Like Zhao Yun but red and he has a lisp.
Kunoichi
yeah her name is just "Kunoichi". I know. A kunoichi (duh) or female ninja, but doesn't do much ninjaing and mostly is just Yukimura's cheerleader. Literally has a DLC cheerleader outfit.
yeah her name is just "Kunoichi". I know. A kunoichi (duh) or female ninja, but doesn't do much ninjaing and mostly is just Yukimura's cheerleader. Literally has a DLC cheerleader outfit.
Takeda Shingen
dope as fuck old man. Intelligent and strategically minded but still playful and witty, and it's really fun to smack people around with his war fan. Charmed by the very serious Kenshin's obsession with him.
dope as fuck old man. Intelligent and strategically minded but still playful and witty, and it's really fun to smack people around with his war fan. Charmed by the very serious Kenshin's obsession with him.
Uesugi Kenshin
yeah this list is kinda all over the place blame SW for not having simple factions like DW does. ANYWAY he's very intelligent and headstrong and a devout follower of Bishamonten, the Buddhist war god. Usually pretty cold, but enjoys the games he shares with Shingen
yeah this list is kinda all over the place blame SW for not having simple factions like DW does. ANYWAY he's very intelligent and headstrong and a devout follower of Bishamonten, the Buddhist war god. Usually pretty cold, but enjoys the games he shares with Shingen
Naoe Kanetsugu
zealous & devoted, always banging on about LOVE and HONOUR and JUSTICE but it's hilarious instead of grating bc he's so over-the-top about it. Distractingly plump lips. The giant LOVE on his hat is 100% historically accurate (his real armour survives to this day).
zealous & devoted, always banging on about LOVE and HONOUR and JUSTICE but it's hilarious instead of grating bc he's so over-the-top about it. Distractingly plump lips. The giant LOVE on his hat is 100% historically accurate (his real armour survives to this day).
Maeda Keiji
ok imagine Lu Bu but he's happy and just loves to party. SW1 did him dirty by giving him an alt skin where he's bald.
ok imagine Lu Bu but he's happy and just loves to party. SW1 did him dirty by giving him an alt skin where he's bald.
Ishikawa Goemon
the "funny" guy, I guess, but mostly is like "lol give me all ur money" and "boohoo Okuni friendzoned me"
the "funny" guy, I guess, but mostly is like "lol give me all ur money" and "boohoo Okuni friendzoned me"
Okuni
she invented kabuki so put some respect on her damn name. Very flirtatious, especially in Orochi where she goes wild for the DW boys. Can't blame her. Kind of randomly appears on the battlefield like "wat up who wants to see some sick dance moves", absolutely goated
she invented kabuki so put some respect on her damn name. Very flirtatious, especially in Orochi where she goes wild for the DW boys. Can't blame her. Kind of randomly appears on the battlefield like "wat up who wants to see some sick dance moves", absolutely goated
Saika Magoichi
good bros with Hideyoshi bc they're both womanisers who love to party, and good bros with Masamune because guns. No matter who he flirts with, he never gets lucky. Deserve!
good bros with Hideyoshi bc they're both womanisers who love to party, and good bros with Masamune because guns. No matter who he flirts with, he never gets lucky. Deserve!
Date Masamune
we're ignoring that he was like 12 in the first game. He's still a spoilt brat despite being older tho, very arrogant and always calling people "imbeciles" lmao he's a good time
we're ignoring that he was like 12 in the first game. He's still a spoilt brat despite being older tho, very arrogant and always calling people "imbeciles" lmao he's a good time
Imagawa Yoshimoto
girl... what is this
girl... what is this
Shimazu Yoshihiro
Ginchiyo's rival. Big tough old guy. I straight up do not care so just look at the artwork of him with some cute little cats
Ginchiyo's rival. Big tough old guy. I straight up do not care so just look at the artwork of him with some cute little cats
Tachibana Ginchiyo
tough, chivalrous, headstrong, brusque and cool as fuck. Every attempt to feminise her is weak and ugly. LET BUTCHES HAVE JUST ONE THING IN LIFE
tough, chivalrous, headstrong, brusque and cool as fuck. Every attempt to feminise her is weak and ugly. LET BUTCHES HAVE JUST ONE THING IN LIFE
Tachibana Muneshige.
Ginchiyo's beard. They historically had no children and lived in different castles in different cities, lol. He does like nothing in WO4 and I haven't played the games he's in so all I can say to him is um I hope there's a cute guy for you to get shipped with
Ginchiyo's beard. They historically had no children and lived in different castles in different cities, lol. He does like nothing in WO4 and I haven't played the games he's in so all I can say to him is um I hope there's a cute guy for you to get shipped with
Shibata Katsuie
big tough guy. man who cares
big tough guy. man who cares
Fuma Kotaro
His hair? WACK! His gear? WACK! His purple skin? WACK! His massive height? WACK! The way that he talks? WACK! The way that his arms stretch out like he's Mr. Fantastic? WACK! But playing as him? That's tight as FUCK
His hair? WACK! His gear? WACK! His purple skin? WACK! His massive height? WACK! The way that he talks? WACK! The way that his arms stretch out like he's Mr. Fantastic? WACK! But playing as him? That's tight as FUCK
Maeda Toshiie
he's Keiji's uncle but he looks like a teenager? I don't know what the fuck goes on. Just a normal dude.
he's Keiji's uncle but he looks like a teenager? I don't know what the fuck goes on. Just a normal dude.
Chosokabe Motochika
FUCK HISTORICAL ACCURACY WE VISUAL-KEI NOW
FUCK HISTORICAL ACCURACY WE VISUAL-KEI NOW
Koshosho
FUCK HISTORICAL ACCURACY WE DISCO NOW
FUCK HISTORICAL ACCURACY WE DISCO NOW
Gracia
Mitsuhide's daughter. Why is her name Gracia? I don't know. She's very popular though.
Mitsuhide's daughter. Why is her name Gracia? I don't know. She's very popular though.
Miyamoto Musashi and Sasaki Kojiro
I'm putting them together bc they have no reason to be in the series except "famous swordsmen who we can kind of pretend had something to do with the Sengoku period". Musashi is generic hero guy, Kojiro is kind of if MJ was a horror movie killer
I'm putting them together bc they have no reason to be in the series except "famous swordsmen who we can kind of pretend had something to do with the Sengoku period". Musashi is generic hero guy, Kojiro is kind of if MJ was a horror movie killer
Hojo Ujiyasu
[Barry B. Benson voice] YA LIKE DILFS?
![Hojo Ujiyasu[Barry B. Benson voice] YA LIKE DILFS?](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVUZhPkUMAMXWO-.jpg "Hojo Ujiyasu[Barry B. Benson voice] YA LIKE DILFS?")
![Hojo Ujiyasu[Barry B. Benson voice] YA LIKE DILFS?](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVUZkl1U4AEV_Ni.jpg "Hojo Ujiyasu[Barry B. Benson voice] YA LIKE DILFS?")
[Barry B. Benson voice] YA LIKE DILFS?
Kai
she's rough and tough and strong and gay, what more could you possibly want?
she's rough and tough and strong and gay, what more could you possibly want?
Yagyu Munenori
boring and clearly overcompensating
boring and clearly overcompensating
Kuroda Kanbei
ooky
spooky
kooky
megamalookie
ding dang dooky
ooky
spooky
kooky
megamalookie
ding dang dooky
