I haven't been myself this entire week. Not only is this quarantine shit killing me by staying inside and making my anxiety worse but my own inner critic is destroying everything i love.

All or you know how much i loved art. I grew up drawing, painting, animating and everything under the sun. I had a friend question me recently on what the hell is stopping me. Why am I not pursuing art anymore? What has me so scarred and i've been thinking about it alot.

I've come to the conclusion of two things. 1 being that i truly do not love art anymore. I haven't drawn in almost 2 years. I don't even do photography as much as I try to push myself to do it. Yet I have a hard time believing this.

Number 2 feeds into one that i've lost motivation due to art school. I don't feel confident in my work anymore. I pick up a pencil and panic because i pick apart every little thing till i hate it. My photography feels no better.

That same art teacher fucked me up when i spent two weeks in severe stomach pain from my ibs-c at the time, laying down putting my fucking soul into my final for it to be called "high school trash." And that i was doing photography because i was lazy and didn't care.

Ever since my last day at said school I haven't recovered from it. I left with my confidence shattered and the only thing I truly loved destroyed. I can't find solace in taking photos at shows. Or drawing even a simple anime character. Nothing.

Instead I panic and try to look down every career path that I couldn't tell you if i'd love for not 5-10 years down the line. Even though I know in the back of mind I should be an artist. Im mortified, shattered and completely lost on what to even do.

When that same friend and the few others in that discord complimented my work. Let me tell you I SOBBED. These were people I barely knew and it scarred the shit out of me to FEEL GOOD about work i've busted my ass off for.

I don't know. I feel weord about art now. So to close this thread just know im okay! I will be okay just I have too much on my mind to just keep it pent up and twitter at the end of the day is my safe space and makes me feel at home. Ily all and stay safe