You're confused and insecure. I'm good at projecting confidence and this is a good opportunity to raise my social profile. Thread.

First of all, something banal, but described in quirky language, y'all!

But is that all? No folks, let me lay my wisdom on you, because you know you're a bit thick and shouldn't be trusted. Here's something basically true.

And now for a vast exaggeration of some minor fact to make you feel like I'm being super insightful and you've never realized the true shape of the world! Wow! Thanks Jonas!

It's just like this hilarious gif I spontaneously found!

I don't have a Soundcloud but you should find a way of worshipping me. Maybe I'll say something that makes me sound righteous but costs me nothing? Or you could buy my friend's Avengers-themed paper dog collars on Etsy, the proceeds are donated to the CIA!