i think the most hurtful part was realizing they never were who i thought they were. and what’s more hurtful is that they told me i would be disappointed when i discovered the real them. but i didn’t listen.

and i told them i never would be disappointed. but i am. so i feel guilt bc i’m playing into their biggest fear. their greatest insecurity. then i feel betrayal because they were right. they’re not who they seem. but i guess they said that in the beginning huh? it’s small signs

i just replay these small things and think what the fuck? that was the most turbulent thing i think i’ve ever been through to be honest. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i know i wont. for better and for worse. it was my greatest karmic lesson and i paid my debt.