Reflection #MCO Day 19 (personal story and experience; not meant to advise others): I am grateful that I have a roof over my head and having my own space, especially right now. I grew up in this small, single storey terrace house in Chai Leng Park, Perai (thread)

It had one bath, one toilet (toilet cangkung - my Oz and UK friends would call this 'not civilised'), 3 bedrooms (luxury!) but my grandparents had 1 room, my uncle another and my mum, brother and me share 1 room (dad would come back on weekends as he was stationed elsewhere)

As I got older, I would sleep on the sofa in the living room in front of the TV. Did my homework and study in front of the TV (that seems to always be on). As my granddad got senile, my role 'living' on the sofa also acts as a 'guard' for him...

When I was charted off to boarding school, I had to share a dorm with 19 or so other girls. In matriculation and uni, with at least 2 others in a tiny room with a roll-out bed. Then in rental house and campus accommodation, always with 2-3 others.

I've had my fair share of horror stories : others not paying their share of rent, cleanliness and expectations (including moral policing!), been called numerous names in blogs because I just asked that garbage be thrown out regularly/keep the house clean, etc.

That when I finally started working, I promised myself that I am going to live on my own. I've lived in campus warden flats (with mice as housemates, leaking pipes, and no privacy because students live alongside me) and managed expectations...

My mom advised that my first big investment should be a mortgage (she bought my car and I pay her), so I got my own place in 2011. My salary back then limited me in what I can afford, and I was in two minds about having a mortgage (seemed like world was rental-preferred)

a friend said I was/is stupid for having a mortgage. I must admit that I am known to be bad with money. But I took mom's advise. I bought my tiny box of an apartment; but without money to renovate, and could only afford furniture over time...

On being bad with money - I have always been critical of my parents being "bad with money". But they say we all grow up to be our parents - I now find myself making the same "bad decisions" and perhaps sometimes, helping others money-wise when I am 'tight' myself.

I remember being angry at my parents because they don't have any assets/inheritance left for me and brother... that they 'give' to others. Now, though, I understand how some people needed to survive; and those of us who have a little bit more tend to share because

we've been in those situation ourselves. Not condoning those who scam, lie, and opportunistic; but some people are pushed to a particular limit to survive. Who knows what I would do if I have no income?

Anyway, talking about my house. I initially wanted to keep it only for a few years before purchasing a 'better' place. But market is so bad these few years that I am just holding on to what I have now. Speaking of which, I badly managed my Chevening year -

bought into a story about someone fleeing domestic abuse; and allowed this person to house sit.Came home to a house with rotten food in the kitchen, remnants of sticky tapes on the walls (I told them not to hang up/change anything!), and a box of used sex toys dripping on a chair

I had to take a personal loan to cover my mortgage for my year away studying (scholarships only cover your studies+living allowance while studying) + the expected 6 months of no income. In hindsight, I should have charged full rent to this 'tenant', but yes, kesian

So now, I am paying my mortgage and this personal loan off. But I have a roof over my head and my very own space. This MCO has made me realise the need to be grounded and keep repairing what I have rather than moving to a better place...

which was what I have tried to do all these years. Running away to 'escape', to 'get out' - sometimes I don't even know what I am escaping and getting out from; but just the constant need to be travelling/moving.

fun fact: I told myself that I would migrate, by hook or by crook, when PAS is in power. Well, guess who had to eat her own words now? PAS is now in Federal Government, but I have no money and job offer overseas to migrate - in short, I can't afford to leave Malaysia. heh

So again, reflection - every one of us act based on our own past experience and limited to our worldview (hence we turn into our parents!). We are also limited by past choices; and we have to manage all of that. Just thankful that I am able to reflect on all these. End. /