smth ive always missed even prior to this isolation that ive seen become a discussion topic has been missing connecting with folx and the likes.

as someone who has been feeling like an outsider for the longest time in various communities, this isn’t smth new to me.

connections are a pivotal aspect for many of us, it’s how we don’t feel alone and we feel like we belong.

it’s smth i was discussing about earlier in terms of isolation and disability (particularly my own experiences of becoming socially isolated rather than physically).
https://twitter.com/thewritermab/status/1246437071000088578?s=21 https://twitter.com/thewritermab/status/1246437071000088578

communities are interesting, especially when intertwined with the internet because it becomes more accessible to participate in them, to feel connected.

but many do gatekeep.

and gatekeeping happens for various reasons.

whether you are “enough” for a community, or that you don’t belong and so on.

this is also true for marginalized communities that are looking out for themselves and also hurt members from potentially joining.

it’s hard to fit in and yet not be enough to belong to a community when you do belong to it.

sometimes it feels like im back in grade school with all these communities actually being cliques.

because it comes down to who you know, who do you interact with, are you worth being known by association via x person?

it’s just not enough.

you’re never enough for anywhere and it’s exhausting and it hurts.

and it’s why i struggle to understand anyone who follows me but barely interacts with me after the fact if im worthy or anything to them…

i guess im just tired of second guessing myself with any connections and the likes.

like most of the time i feel as though ive been muted, and i would not surprised if anyone has...and these feelings contributed to my thread of last night actually regarding why i don’t discuss personal stuff and things on here much anymore.
https://twitter.com/thewritermab/status/1246269736863895561?s=21 https://twitter.com/thewritermab/status/1246269736863895561

maybe folx assume im well interconnected or have many ppl reach out to me or the likes but not really, or at least not to the extent as others have.

it’s hard, forgetting how to socialize after being isolated for so long or feel as thought out belong after so much trust stolen.