I have been rebuilding my drain field this week and finished this morning. I then check the septic tank and found...lots of issues. I spent the day digging through shit.
I& #39;m waaaaay passed the tp issue.
I& #39;m waaaaay passed the tp issue.
At one point, as I was fishing out the things clogging the flow, I lost my mind.
I began weeping and crying out to God. I was so overwhelmed and my family was depending on me to fix things.
I saw glimpses of who I was before Christ, in that situation. I saw how easily I would normally go to very dark places and shut out the world.
I weeped more.
In the midst of shit, I wanted to go to my Father& #39;s house so desperately. I was so low.
I must have looked like a complete fool. My old self would have laughed at current me for crying and praying.
Then, I realized, I wanted to be a saint, for the sake of my children and other people& #39;s children. I wanted to reflect light and give myself to everyone.
All this online activity seemed pointless. Yet, I realized how much of myself I& #39;ve been putting in to it.