a breakdown of Muslim twitter *a thread* (this is by no means exhaustive):

Diaspora Muslim Twitter:

Coachella of Muslims. New Music Friday of Spotify dominates this culture. In search of a sad love story or suffering through one. Muslim concepts are copy pasted in Drake and Madison Beer lyrics. Shares Malcolm X but has never read autobiography.

Pakistani twitter: “i’m a child of struggling immigrants” *parents are both physicians*. Loves Faiz but cannot read one couplet in Urdu. Thinks Riz is Imam Mehdi. Enjoys Ramadan and Game of Thrones. Discovered Kashmir was occupied in 2019

might i add despite knowing that Kashmir was occupied only a year ago they’re already shouting “kashmir pakistan banega!!”

Secular Muslim twitter:

Argues atheists are the best Muslims because they tip Baristas. “Nobody can tell me what Islam is” but i tell the world how they should behave. “The Quran is just interpretations.” Zionist friends. “I’m a progressive Muslim but I never pray”

Islamist Twitter: Mostly Salafis, Hizbut Tahrir and Khomeini apologists: Slightly respects Ulema more than Diaspora. Loves living in the west unironically. In the DMs of Diaspora girls. Reads Bukhari for pleasure but doesn’t understand sanad. Only cites Taymiyya and Bin Baaz

Ex- Muslim twitter: Obsessed with Islam. Reads more Quran than Diaspora and Islamist twitter. Strange overlap with Islamist twitter. Still secretly enjoys Quranic recitation.

Academic twitter: Muslims drunk on leftist theory without much care for traditional Islam. Mughalists, Ottomanists, Anthropologists, Quranists. Revelation as a sacred source not typically validated. Divinity and Middle Eastern MA’s and look down on Ulema. Love Abduh and Iqbal

Iranian twitter:

“Arabs colonized us but Pakistanis should be glad we gave them Persian words* Wishes they could worship fire. Overlap with Ex Muslim twitter. Reads more Foucault than Surah Furqan

Levantine Arab twitter: only discussion of Islam is Islamophobia. Selfies posted with caption *to bless your timeline* More Fares Karam memorized than 30th Juz. “If you’re not Palestinian, why are you eating Knafeh?”

Activist twitter: less knowledge of Islam than Ilm twitter and more scant of theory than academic twitter but somehow the loudest. Mostly tweets phone numbers of Congress. All follow Omar Suleiman on twitter but not engaged with other Ulema. Father still pays for rent