I have been thinking if I should make this post or not, but I somewhat felt compelled to do so for those that know me (that being personally knowing me, through my name and everything else), but also for those that do not personally know me, but only know me through here...

Because of my posts. This is actually the most important reason to why I am making this post. Nothing significant about me. I had left Islam like how some of my other followers had.

The reasons are not really of importance here, but there were a variety of things which I held to be the main reasons to which ultimately led me to part away from the religion.

I generally always liked to read a lot, but in between the time-frame of having left Islam and up till now, I had increased my reading concerning the arguments made for and against Islam. I was not somebody that just accepted the things that I heard.

Whether, off of here, Twitter, YouTube, or wherever else.

I have always been somebody that would go through every possible route in wanting to answer what may be seen as being something that is too good to be true, and thus false,

or as something that seems to be suggestive of its validity, and hence for what we are trying to describe here, actually correct. I would always want to get the direct sources of the statements that people would present of Islamic (and orientalist) scholars concerning

the arguments for and against Islam; after trying to brainstorm any possible coherent solution to what on the outset seems to be an issue. I would also then check the latest rebuttals (through video or text).

Or whatever other way. But I would go through these without my preconceived biases, and objectively weigh the credibility of the arguments that are being posed. When I look back at why I had left Islam previously, it was not necessarily because of me having issues with

certain things that Islam taught. This was not really an issue for me, for I did not think that I would be intellectually honest, or do justice to myself, for objecting to things that Islam taught, solely because of my 21'st century outlook on life.

As deciding to enter into Islam is a major, major decision, deciding to Ieave it, is an even greater decision. You would need to justify to yourself your doubts, so that you can make yourself think that you have a strong foundation for leaving the religion.

At least, that is what I had to do. When I was a Muslim, I strongly, strongly believed in it. As any other Muslim, I believed that there was a heaven and hell, so therefore, I clearly understood

the predicament that I was in: that being, if I was to actually follow through with this and leave Islam, I must have some really solid reasons for my apostasy and not play around. What I realised,

when looking back, is that there was not a great list of reasons (on the same day that I had my doubts), to what caused me to leave Islam. I recognised that there perhaps were 1 or 2 things which sparked off my confusions, and as soon as I began to accept the validity of these

doubts as being, 'serious' contentions against Islam, I then began to read more, and out of nowhere, realised that 1 week later, the number of doubts had now increased. The other week, month, year, the numbers amazingly increased even further... Who would have thought?

Again, looking back at this now, most of these other doubts that came later (after granting myself the path of skepticism), were already things that I knew of when I was a Muslim. I had argued against these other, ‘reasons’ and had understood that they were false.

But because my brain had already accepted the validity of my first doubts, it was these doubts that made me pose myself a question, and then another question, and also another: if these things are incorrect, would it not follow that Islam is incorrect too?

If these other things are incorrect too, look at these other things which may be somewhat related... If these other things are incorrect, would it not again follow that Islam would be incorrect too? And so on, the never-ending triangle of doubts had begun.

This went so far, to such a level, that I thought that I was an intellectually confident ex-Muslim. However, none of these other contentions were in any way damaging. These other secondary reasons would have to be accepted regardless if one was to accept the existence of

a creator, that by definition, is a supernatural being. And once I was able to demonstrate that the Qur'an is the revelation of this supernatural being, the tenants of Islam, being of prophets and messengers; of miracles being performed; etc; would then reasonably follow.

This is the foundation. But within this time, within my never-ending triangle of doubts, I recognised that I wanted to take a step further. I wanted to see if there was an alternative to religion concerning an answer to the origins of the Universe.

But within this time, within my never-ending triangle of doubts, I recognised that I wanted to take a step further. I wanted to see if there was an alternative to religion concerning an answer to the origins of the Universe. So I looked at the multiverse model. I was very

far from understanding the physics and math involved in such a model, but I was amazed to such an idea which just seemed absolutely crazy. At this point, this is where I was at:

“Even if you were to prove that these doubts that you have against Islam are false, look at this multiverse model which removes your very foundation! You do not even need to show how these doubts, that originally affected your acceptance of Islam, are false".

Everything changes. But again, if one wanted to analyse the realities of such things, concerning the doubts: what I came to conclude, is that these, ‘doubts’ are not well grounded and actually very poor in strength, and concerning

the foundation: the fact that the multiverse is a model that incorporates many theoretical ideas and principles that cannot be demonstrated in any sort of way. Even if there was to be a supernatural creator, these

same scientists that are proposing such a scientific paradigm, adopt an empiricist view on how they view the world, that would therefore negate even the idea of such a being existing, even if it was to exist, at the outset.

Within this vacuum concerning the origins of the Universe, I used this model to try and justify why I did not have to accept a creator. Do you see the problem? Instead of me having disproven anything found

within Islam, or having ascertained the doubts that I originally had, other than just regurgitating the arguments within my head and not looking at solving them, all I did was doubt, doubt, and continue to doubt.

But I never established anything. So I later had to justify these issues, so I used something, the multiverse, as the scape goat.

Two verses that spoke out to me were Surah at-Tur, 35-36: “Or were they created by nothing, or were they the creators [of themselves]? Or did they create the heavens and the earth? Rather, they are not certain.”

Now I cannot use my experience and say that every ex-Muslims’ experience was similar to this. But from many stories that I have heard, many follow like mine. Once you begin to doubt, you never stop doubting. You start to doubt everything.

Even things that there are no justification to really doubt for -- you just doubt it, because what the heck? “Why this way? Why not that way or this way?”.

Because of making such a major change, and other changes that one has made in their life because of their decision to leave Islam, they think that it is now over. Finished. Done. No return. But what if your reasonings are wrong? What if your reasonings have been responded to?

Knowledge continues to grow, books continue to be written. Are you objectively acquainted with a satisfactory amount of things, from both sides, which directly focus on the issues that you have, or of which seems difficult to understand right now? No?

If not, then where is the harm in continuing to read some more? Research some more? Other than watching a 5 or 10 minute so-called 'refutation' video, what is the harm in delving deeper and analysing the sources that such person has brought forth?

What is the harm in dissecting somebody's central argument and analysing to see if it actually makes sense, or if it just sounds nice to the ear? What is the harm in looking at the responses to such claims?

Honestly ask yourself: are you actually trying to seek something, which has the possibility of being perfectly valid and plausible, or are you just simply trying to reaffirm your position with whatever new data comes along in your life, in whatever form?

Accepting any YouTube video that, ‘disproves Islam’ within 5 or 10 minutes? Accepting any new, 'scientific paradigm', or any tweet that you come across on your timeline (ignoring however implausible and stupid that they may actually be?).

To those that this resonates to: can you honestly put your hand up and acknowledge that you are being sincere with your journey? Can you? If not, do not feel embarrassed to have another look. There is no harm.

I did have another look. I kept on realising how the arguments that I would put forth to myself are either 1, 'arguments' that are simply filled with conjecture, that have the purpose of deflecting the idea of the existence of any sort of supernatural being

into a far away area where it does not have to be accepted, and 2, old 'arguments' that are generally rehashed from Christian apologists — such arguments, which do NOT hold up when one applies thorough scrutiny.

This is not something that I can present as a set of numbers on a graph, but as somebody that was staunch against Islam (and all forms of religion); somebody that also deemed themselves to be an intellectually confident atheist; a few days ago I was thinking of the verses

where Allāh talks of the believers that are guided, and those of the disbelievers that are misguided. I thought to myself, that even if I was to be wrong, I have already went too far. I have already cursed. I have already done this and that, so it would be late to change my

mind anyway. But after I woke up, I woke up as a completely different person. I could not explain it. Surprisingly, everything felt lighter, the world seemed clearer, and everything that I accumulated until that very point, of reasons for the truthfulness of Islam, seemed to

just make sense. Everything against it did not make sense at all. I literally felt as if I was being guided (and that is not supposed to be taken in any sort of wishy-washy or poetic way). Again, this is not something that I can put on a graph and demonstrate, but it had quite

an affect on me. This, and witnessing the overall bankruptcy of the position of atheism, within these past few years. It is these general reasons, which have its own layers which would make this thread much more longer, that really opened my eyes (let alone other experiences

that I have gone through within this period). Allah knows best if this was Him guiding me. And I am not anyone to assume such a thing. But I ask Allah to keep me guided; and when it comes to everybody else that thinks that such a guider, and such guidance, does not exist.

I ask Allah to guide you if you are indeed sincere. And he is the one that turns hearts. He is the one that we praise. La ilaha ilAllah Muhammadan RasulAllah!