I'm just gonna say it to get these dumbbells stuff of my shoulder.
I'm tired of letting myself attack myself. I'm in a cycle and I don't know how to escape it.
Is it stupid? Absolutely!
I don't want people to be concerned about me. But putting this public might help clear my head

Look everyone gets jealous and I understand that. But the jealously I have is a bit strange.
When I see someone's accomplishments or gifts. I get jealous and of course I don't show it, that's normal.
Though, that jealously makes me push myself to feel the same way

I overwork myself on purpose to reach my goals, and I can't relax in peace. I continually get that thought bubble saying
"You could be working"
"You're letting people down"
"You're just goofing off"
I can't help but listen to it, and that causes me to work even more
Cycle of work

And know that it's easy to say that just relax and try to ignore them, but it's impossible for me.
As you guys know I run a patreon and last hiatus that caused me to lose over half of them.
Now yes I'm still young not an entrepreneur, but someone's got to pay the VA and animators

So I took even more hours at work. Yet my managers kept cheating me out of breaks and hours. And when my dad passed away months back we were planning to hold a way keeping here and bury him in Nigeria
Ok now this is probably why I've been so bitter recently. but I gotta say it

When Covid-19 started.
They closed down public gatherings
They closed down travel
And limited work places
So we couldn't have the way keeping or go to Nigeria
And now the new place I was gonna work finally, had to close on me. So now I'm back working like this

I was thinking of taking a break off social media but I simply can't do that. It'll make it worse now that we all are stuck inside.
And if you want my honest thoughts.
I'm probably going to keep working harder. It keeps me distracted and it's my job

Life is hard and we all know that. But I guess that's what I enjoy about it.
If life was so easy sure that'd be Paradise for about two days.
I hate being hit by a boulder, but I love the joy I get climbing over that boulder.
But yet that joy diminishes every time

I've taught myself not to brag or get cocky when great things happen to me. This is so I don't let things get to my head. But I go too strong with this and now I'm starting to get ungrateful.
Like let's be real!?!I

I have over 2.7k followers
I do well in grades
I have a fantastic family and friend
I have pile of fanart

WHO DO I THINK I AM TO FEEL JEALOUS?!?

Let alone ungrateful! I never want to feel like this, but it's daily!
I want to be one always grateful and respectful

Yet here I am typing this-...oh my.
One can truly type when they are venting... If you're still reading this you have my gratitude
But let me wrap it up.
I'm not leaving let alone taking a break. But I hate to say it. I need support, a new brain, and definitely a hug!

I'm not asking for paterons hell I'm not even gonna ask you to like this post.
But I just want everyone to know that people have a weak point and choosing to cover it. Will just make it weaker.
So I'm deciding right now that I'm no longer covering my weaknesses

I'm not a great Pixel artist
I suck at grammar obviously
I'm 17 so I'm still a kid
I get jealous easily
I hide my feelings so people don't know what I'm truly thinking
I don't manage my time well

There's a whole lot more but I'm trying not to get reported^^`

Look
I can accept the fact that no one cares about this. But thats not why I typed this up and posted it.

I posted this so my family, friends, team, and supporters know that I'm not so perfect. And that's ok. If I'm supposed to be a leader, then that time to shine is now

I have one goal and I'm gonna reach it!
Yeah everyone says that and two weeks later they don't mean it. But let me BRAG FOR ONCE!
I CAN CODE AMAZINGLY WELL!
I CAN ANIMATE AMAZINFLY WELL!
I'M 17 AND AHEAD OF MY TIME!

(Alright calm down)
Burning Requiem will be GREAT
I GUARANTEE!

Welp...I Feel 5X times better!
But yeah if I don't reply to you just know that either I'm trying to not get to into this hehe
Also I apologise for making this thread so long, but ya
Also I gotta admit!
I'm jealous of a couple of close friends so I might purposely ignore ya^^`

Of course only for short time
But if you guys read this whole thing!
I thank you!
Aight I'm gonna cool off and probably be back over the weekend.
Till then enjoy your day.
I'll try to aswell