let's talk about fountains of wayne, ok?

no, not the band—i know everyone is still very sad—but the store they're named after, because i don't think people fully understand or appreciate exactly what this place was

fountains of wayne was a store on route 46 near willowbrook mall, the DMV where i got my driver's license, an electronics store, and this insanely good burger place called the anthony wayne (RIP).

FoW sold fountains, lawn ornaments, deck chairs, gardening supplies, etc.

pretty normal stuff if you wanted, i don't know, a fountain and also a flamingo lawn ornament and some grill accessories or whatever.

the real highlight however was the annual CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR, which we went to basically every year. you paid a few bucks to walk thru it

it was upstairs from the store—maybe technically a storage attic? i don't know—and consisted of several small rooms with little christmas scenes set up, dioramas of a sort

reader, i LOVED this as a child, but as an adult i need you to see how absolutely cursed this shit was

it's kind of hard to dig up photos from this monstrosity, but a few exist

OK, a nativity scene. Seems normal! Not totally loving those possessed-looking lambs but the rinky-dink calligraphy and homemade doll outfits aren't without their own sort of home-grown charm

OK, a bunch of Christmas trees. They sell ornaments and other holiday decor, so this all makes sense

Santa and Mrs. Claus at a cabin or something? With some friendly mice? Okay, sure, I guess that makes sense as well

I.....I guess that Santa does have to keep himself busy throughout the rest of the year somehow

oh.....oh no

oh no. oooohhhhhhhh noooooooo

are those rabbits at the disco? yes, yes they absolutely are

what does that have to do with christmas? i wouldn't worry about it

It's some sort of...rabbit coachella?

why

Is that Santa checking out a drunk mermaid? indeed!

is Santa operating some kind of pizza place? Sure, why not!

Meg, you're saying. This all looks REALLY old. Like, from the 70s old. There is no way you were seeing this shit at the same time Fountains of Wayne the band were releasing "Stacey's Mom."

Behold: the 9/11 memorial diorama

and that concludes our journey to the hell world of the Fountains of Wayne Christmas Spectacular!

here's some more about it and where many of these pix came from: https://www.nj.com/entertainment/2015/12/a_look_back_the_fountains_of_wayne_christmas_displ.html

https://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/10655 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/category/Landmark---Historical-Place/Fountains-of-Wayne-Christmas-Spectacular-312017252149306/