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tw: suicide / depression
for a majority of my life I& #39;ve been extremely suicidal, my bestfriend/(then) boyfriend and I would make the regular "I wanna die" jokes, send funny suicidal memes, what not, I& #39;m sure we all do it now and then saying "we& #39;re dead inside" etc etc 1/n
for a majority of my life I& #39;ve been extremely suicidal, my bestfriend/(then) boyfriend and I would make the regular "I wanna die" jokes, send funny suicidal memes, what not, I& #39;m sure we all do it now and then saying "we& #39;re dead inside" etc etc 1/n
we don& #39;t know how often we& #39;re serious about what we& #39;re saying, we don& #39;t know what the other person is actually thinking
for all we know maybe saying it over and over is actually reinforcing the idea in our heads 2/n
for all we know maybe saying it over and over is actually reinforcing the idea in our heads 2/n
he committed suicide two months ago and I haven& #39;t been dealing with it properly at all, and I honestly don& #39;t even know how to
his family went through his phone and obviously saw our chats together and assumed I was a negative influence on his mind 3/n
his family went through his phone and obviously saw our chats together and assumed I was a negative influence on his mind 3/n
oddly, due to the shock my own suicidal tendencies have disappeared, it& #39;s ironic that it had to take the death of the one person I love the most to make me realise how valuable life actually is 4/n
I& #39;m not saying I& #39;m blame myself but I really do believe the shit we say and share and what not everyday does have some impact on our subconscious, and idk, I just wish our generation wasn& #39;t romanticising the idea of suicide or depression, I& #39;ve been one to do it myself 5/n
but coming from someone who lost a huge part of their life to this bs, to know that someone I cared so much about really took their life, it really puts things into perspective. it angers me seeing people caption things saying I can& #39;t wait to die or whatever. 6/n
I know, I& #39;ve been the kind to say it too. and it took me so much to lose to realise that we shouldn& #39;t be normalising suicidal speech. most of my art itself used to be around such themes and I& #39;m consciously trying not to do that anymore.
I know all this comes from a really personal space, but all this talk took away a really special person from me, and I don& #39;t want anyone else to have experience the same things to understand what I& #39;m saying.
i just think we need to give each other hope more than we talk about giving up or pulling the plug.
which is why if you& #39;re going through something, anything at all, please speak up. please please please. tell the people around you, even if you think no one gives a shit about you, please speak to someone or go to a professional for help.
vivek thought no one would worry if he left. he even broke up with me a month prior and waited until I moved on before he actually called it quits. I wish he knew how many people cried over him. I wish he saw how many of his friends showed up for his funeral.
i was the only person in his life to know he was suicidal and depressed. he didn& #39;t want me to tell anyone and I respected that. but now I regret all of it. maybe I should& #39;ve told someone, maybe I should& #39;ve gotten help for him.
I can go on and on questioning these things, but we all know what& #39;s done is done.
I can only implore you guys, please, take it from my experience, please just communicate with people. please, just tell the people you love how much u love them. please just fucking speak up.
I can only implore you guys, please, take it from my experience, please just communicate with people. please, just tell the people you love how much u love them. please just fucking speak up.
