Quick thread about exhaustion.

One reason that I think so many people are tired right now is… I’m not sure there’s a word for it. As a person who’s dealt with chronic illness for years, there’s a certain corner of my brain that’s usually doing self-checks on my own health.

Normally, it’s background noise: checking the clock to see if it’s time for medication, if there’s any pain, what parts of me feel good and what parts of me don’t. But during the bad times, that background noise becomes much louder. Suddenly it’s all I can think about.

There’s a hyper-awareness of every sensation. You spend hours prodding at parts of yourself wondering if what you’re feeling is normal or if this is something new or if things are improving or if they’re getting worse and the anxiety has a tendency to feed into itself.

And when there is something new, you can end up worrying if that sensation is even real. If maybe you’ve managed to manifest symptoms through sheer force of anxiety. This constant monitoring combined with anxiety about illness, it’s exhausting. It’s draining.

And now almost *everyone* is doing this kind of self-monitoring. We’re all wondering if that tickle at the back of our throat is allergies or something else. If we’re just tired or if that exhaustion is a warning sign.

So what I’m saying is - be gentle with yourself right now.