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Here am i watching ny tears falling from my eyes
a thread;
a thread;
Pero ano nga ba magagawa ko this is life...and life sometimes can make you cry or even worse it can affect you life by means of thinking thoughts or practically suicidal thoughts
Okay going back to the real topic...When i remember the days that i was still a girll na laging masiyahin at tawa ng tawa
It feels good being that girl kasi im free from doubts and i always have a good mood and never even think of crying every night
Then ayun na nga i have graduated from gr 6 and the date was April 2,2019...i felt so relief and happy that on the next school year i will now be entering my first high school journey and i was so excited
June 24,2019 is the first day of school then we had done alot of activities like arranging puzzles we even memorized the mission and vision of the school...pero di ko memorize
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Okayy fast forward...then syempre months past i have built up new friend and then ayun we started talking and everything in that day .. Then ayun na nga nakarating na ako sa bahay and i messaged my one friend--
Cause i come up liking someone like type lng nmn ganon nothing morehttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤣" title="Rolling on the floor laughing" aria-label="Emoji: Rolling on the floor laughing">..And then while chatting my friend bigla akong may naisip na kagagahan i asked her a favor na kung pwede bang pakiusapan nya yung guy na mag add saken then she really did it
After so many minutes nag pop up na ung notif ko from facebook na may nag friend req nga saken so i accepted it syempre sinadya ko un eh ahahah di ko rin nmn balak na jowain siya cause paghanga lng nmn toh
And then minessage ko siya with the word "YIEE" instead of saying hi i dont really know why hahaha and then he replied back with the same words and actually i found him interesting cause he& #39;s kind
(By the way that time na minessage ko siya its already june 27 hehe)...so ayun nag kamustahan lng kami and everything we started to get to know eachother and he definetly started that topic not me ok? Hahaha
Fast forward mga until 2nd to the last na ng mga gantong scene hahaha.....September 22,2019 he left me with pain yes naging kami and actually he& #39;s my first i was left speechless and i can& #39;t even say any word and worst i cannot think its like there is something blocking my mind
Within that time i changed before i was the person na kahit anong mangyare hindu umiiyak but it ended up in an opposite way and again i can still feel the pain that he gave me....
Ps. I know masyadong malayo na ung fast forward ko hahaba kasi pag kwinento ko pa mga yunhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤣" title="Rolling on the floor laughing" aria-label="Emoji: Rolling on the floor laughing">
Ps. I know masyadong malayo na ung fast forward ko hahaba kasi pag kwinento ko pa mga yun
That scene was still fresh from my mind i can still remember the time and date that you left me in pieces it was 7:34 pm when you said the word "PAALAM" those words are like sharp knives that stabbed me
And by surprise syempre hinayaan nlng kita cause i dont actually know what to say and what to think kasi di nagsisink in sakin mga sinasabi nya pero its been hours since umiiyak ako
Were okay naman were friends actually and nagkakamustahan nga at nag uusap...until nagising ako na parang gusto ko malamn bat iniwan nya ako so what i did was i messaged his friend and ask him whats the cause
And then sinabi saken lahat ng friend niya and now im trying to get everything na..well simply it was because nagsawa sya di naya tanggap attitude ko well honestly di nmn tlaga katanggap tanggap cause thats one of my insecuritieshttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😔" title="Pensive face" aria-label="Emoji: Pensive face">
--kwinento rin saken ng friend nya na it was because of one girl and i suppose naging bridge lang ako para magtagpo silang dalawa...i knew this was not really me cause before im not crying everyday unless my relatives say something abt me that will hit me hard
5 months past im still the same na umiiyak lagi tuwing gabi and recalling what you told me...cause di ko tlga maiwasan na maisip ang nakaraan though the people around me are now saying that i should settle down na hayaan ko nlng then after hearing that mostly hundreds na--
So sinimulan kong iwasan ka but i cant so hinayaan ko nlng not until may nagawa akong di ko alan bat ko ginawa i tried to commit suicide by using a sharp object...that time wlang wla ako im really out of my mind so i did that and i end up in the hospital--
No one knows abt that so i kept itt a secret from my friends cause i know that they are not gonna believe me..after a week of this quarantine life i have decided to tell them that i was hospitalized..
And then right after i said that to my boy bestfriend he didnt believed me and that left me into pieces againhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💔" title="Broken heart" aria-label="Emoji: Broken heart"> im here crying all over again...
And now i have decided na wag nlang sabihin dahil alam kong di nmn nila ako paniniwalaan so hinayaan ko nlng
After that scene i tend to think that he should know thisit was my first btw...and i asked my friend to do me a favor that she would ss the convo that we had and send it to him..and particullary she send it actually i am crying again--
It was April 4,2020 when she send that to him and i suppose he& #39;s broke not because of the pic but it was because the girl that she loved..di ko maintindihan kung bat ako iyak ng iyak upon feeling he& #39;s pain sometimes naiinggit ako kasi when we broke up he didint even bother to cry
--pero when they broke up he cried so i suppose hearing every man& #39;s side is important but whenever i remember things parang may missing piece na hindi ko alam kung ano un..and that missing piece ang dahilan kung bat ako ganto pero wla tlga akong idea kung ano un
I want to comfort him cause i know that i should but ofcourse i cant there are so many possibilities that he would hate me and i am afraid na iiwan nanaman nya ako bilang kaibigan nya and will end up crying again..now April 5,2020 i want to say that if youre in pain pls tell me
I know i have a little right naman kasi were friends gusto ko syang yakapin but i know its impossible..this suppose that my high school journey is fun,exciting,and full of heartaches but one thing is i now this is just the beggining and i owe my friends alot
This memories will be treasured mostly the people that completed my gr 7 journey I MISS YOU ALLhttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❣" title="Heart exclamation" aria-label="Emoji: Heart exclamation">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❗" title="Red exclamation mark symbol" aria-label="Emoji: Red exclamation mark symbol">
April 5,2020 i am not this person anymore i just want to vanish together with the memories that i have treasured a lot..maybe at some point im selfish but honestly i dont want to be that kind of person since i know that im not like that
Siguro mas maigi nalang na itago ko sakanila ang mga nararamdaman ko cause i fell that it doesnt mean to them since they have their own challenges in life kahit magkakaibigan kami i will remain silent....
To my drugs fam if ever you read this thread you will understand me at kung bat ganon ko kayo itrato and why is my attitude like this na masungit and everything iloveyou alot guys you guys mean to mehttps://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥺" title="Pleading face" aria-label="Emoji: Pleading face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❣" title="Heart exclamation" aria-label="Emoji: Heart exclamation">
