rar's tales of the rays kharlan quests: abridged (a thread)

we sure do open on pain instead of jokes--

ratatosk: the.... FUCK is going on with my tree
martel(??): hey where am i. what's happening
ratatosk: WHOMST???
martel(??): i don't want to die!! i don't want to die!!

yuan, elsewhere: where.... am i?
dhaos: yo welcome to kharlan forest, home of the yggdrasill tree
yuan: WHAT THE FU

zelos: [dreaming about ``you should have never been born``]
mark: hey you good you look like you had a bad dream
zelos: ahaha i was DEFINITELY dreaming about hot girls

dhaos, skyping in: ey redheads come pick up your blue gumball son of a bitch

mark: yeah dhaos said there was some blue guy screaming around here
kratos: oh, sounds like yuan
zelos: that was definitely yuan

zelos: here's an idea--
kratos: it's dumb
zelos: wow! fuck you too!

not a joke but i'm appreciating everyone noting "yeah, yggdrasill sure is the mithos+martel family name, no wonder yuan is losing it" and kratos casually talking about cress and co from phantasia and the implication that they've filled him in on the deets re: their world

martel: haha, you and lloyd are pretty alike, right mithos?
lloyd: aw i'm flattered
mithos: WE ARE NOT

and then like two minutes later they said somethign simultaneously and thank you rays i AM eating good food

who wants to be upset because
yuan, waking up in a rando bed: KRATOS? WAHT ARE YOU DOING HERE?? wait where are we. is this derris kharlan
kratos: what? no. this is [name of the rays world]. why would it be derris kharlan

kratos: wait, you're saying you're from a time after mithos died?
yuan:
kratos: ....not just mithos, huh? me too, if origin's seal was released
yuan: no, that's not it

--> (MEANWHILE, ME LOSING MY SHIT, BECAUSE APPARENTLY KRATOS WASN'T TAKEN FROM POST SYMPHONIA????????????)

IM SURE THIS IS OLD NEWS TO OTHER RAYS FANS BUT I JUST GOT HERE AND IMMEDAITELY STARTED KHARLAN QUESTS SO

yuans begrudging little "no, you're not dead" HAS ME ON THE FUCKING FLOOR! WHAT THE FUCK! GOD!

zelos: hey old men stop bitching mithos just sent a distress signal
kratos and yuan: [IMMEDIATELY TRIPPING OVER THEMSELVES]

kratos: well, i'm going. yuan? what about you?
yuan, pointedly not looking at anyone: ........of coures i'll go, obviously

god martel and yuan [STARES AT MY HANDS LIKE A LOT]

i made this thread for memes but now i'm just fuckored into oblviion, nice, god, HELP

APPARENTLY SUMMON SPIRIT MARTEL IS HERE TOO, THAT'S WAHT I'M SEEMING TO UNDERSTAND, NO I DON'T HAVE CONTEXT

oh thank god SOMEONE here remembered ANGELS HAVE WINGS

PREEMPTIVELY: I AM BEING MURDERED. I AM VERY DEAD. THESE KHARLAN HEROES INTERACTIONS CAME FOR MY THROAT.

BUT FIRST, SOMETHING FUNNY WITH ZELOS

actually first: no jokes, just ow
genis: yuan and mithos together... that should be fine, right?
presea: i mean... yuan's a renegade... and mithos is with cruxis...
sheena: yeah, but they were friends long ago, weren't they? ...besides, i think yuan's in shock from seeing martel,

anyway, zelos was chilling gets a phonecall because they have phones in rays, i'm serious, they have phones in rays, and
zelos: oh hey kratos
yuan: it's me, wow. sorry for not being kratos

AND THEN THERE WAS SHIT ABOUT THE RING??? I THINK????? yuan wanted to look for it and zelos was like "what do you MEAN you DON'T HAVE IT we gave it to you??" and so now i'm like squinting like YUAN FROM WHERE IN THE TIMELINE ARE YOU???? WHAT

anyway yuan bosses zelos around a little, hangs up

mithos IMMEDIATELY calls zelos like HEY WHAT WERE YOU AND YUAN TALKING ABOUT

mithos: hey do me a favor
zelos: why the fuck
mithos: lloyd doesn't know about you having been a three-timing spy, right? :)
zelos: LITERALLY NOTHING CHANGES WITH YOU

mithos finally hangs up and then KRATOS FUCKING CALLS

kratos: hey zelos
zelos: OH MY GOD WOULD YOU GUYS SHUT UP??????????????
kratos: wow
zelos: LLOYD'S HERE I'M HANGING UP FUCK YOU

i basically liveblogged / translated hwat i could to the gc so here's like. a sum of what happened. instead of me taking a million tweets to lay it out

here it is typed up in text only on dw if that's better for you https://rarsneezes.dreamwidth.org/25470.html?style=site

major takeaways
martel: isn't it wrong to blame yuan, mithos?
mithos: THEN WHO ARE YOU BLAMING? ME?
martel: i didn't say that
kratos: mithos the only one blaming you is you

martel: mithos, i'm not upset! you're my precious little brother, after all
?????: no.... i cannot forgive that.... i cannot forgive mithos
martel: ...........what was that voice in my head just now

I'M LAUGHING I MADE THIS THREAD FOR MEMES BUT NOW I'M JUST SCREAMING CONSTANTLY IN ANGUISH LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO