This morning I woke up feelin energized as I found an idea for my Master thesis. This afternoon I watched the burial of my (biological) father through video call in the waiting room of an airport that I despise so much. I asked myself how surreal life can be.

I address him as my biological father because I owe half of my genes from him. I stayed with him throughout my childhood and teenage years. Although we once lived together but our worlds are pretty much different.

I am a spiritual person yet I don't practice any specific religious ritual. He would encourage me to go to Mosque and read Quran.

As a teenager who regularly went to pensi, my way of dressing was an insult to my father. He would ask me to change my clothes. I would ignore him.

My parents got divorced and I moved with my mother and sister. My father and I didn't talk that much ever since. Twice or three times a year, the three of us; my father, my sister and I, ate pizza together and talked about random stuff for hours.

Since we didn't talk that much, we fought less as well.

The last time we met was during my wedding last year. He was happy and I didn't expect it. My partner has tattoo all over his arms. We got married twice in mosque and church. I thought all of these would annoyed my "conservative right-wing" father. But he didn't.

My father was genuinely happy for us. That's when I realized that my prejudice and political labels have stopped me from seeing my father as who he is. That he has the capacity to change.

Although we have different ways, values, and politics, but eventually we respect these differences.

My sister and I agreed on some traits that we inherited from my late father. We are socially awkward people. We like to laugh in an uncomfortable situation. We like to brush our teeth. We find comfort in certain patterns of daily habit.

My father passed away on April 4th, 2020 in Depok. He was a retired physicist with a degree in experimental physics. My sister and I are still mourning. I find it difficult to cry so this thread is how I cope with my sadness.