I wanted to write about Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello's perp walk and other celebrities courting the paparazzi during lockdown but felt it too flippant, so instead, a Thread

Why are they walking so slow? It's a calculated tactic often used by celebrities who need to allow time for the paps to get their shots. Paris Hilton does this, as per someone who worked on her BFF show

They were also accused of walking with empty mugs, proving their daily walks near their Miami bolthole were fake. Someone commented that they had recently poured the mugs out before these shots, but they are… eerily clean?

Then we have these cloying, near daily pap shots of Ben Affleck, 47, and Ana De Armas, 31. She is going to be a Bond Girl and has already had success with her role in Knives Out. He is trying to stage a second comeback®.

Someone on TikTok noted that they witnessed De Armas call and summon a paparazzi to take their photos – another tactic celebrities use to "control the narrative", much like Angelina Jolie allegedly did when photos of her and Brad Pitt were purchased by Us on vacay in Africa…

As per @pcd2009: "Us reportedly landed the pictures for half a million dollars. (Rumor has it, per trusty sources, Angelina and Brad were well aware they were being photographed and got a cut of the profits.)"

While we can only guess the reasons for why these people are doing this (Affleck and Cabello could use good press), here is a good explainer from @pajiba:

Ironically, the idea of summoning the paparazzi for a staged walk can be read as "organic" and less annoying than, say, a transparently annoying staged shoot you did yourself for IG (see: Madonna in bath). Shawmila and Affarmas (?) can say they had no hand in these images…