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I keep doing this cycle where I fixate on whether or not I want to transition, ultimately decide I do then feel more at ease, and slowly, because I feel more at ease, start to question whether I really do want to.
It& #39;s incredibly frustrating, and I don& #39;t know what to do.
It& #39;s incredibly frustrating, and I don& #39;t know what to do.
This happens about once I month, and I& #39;m really trying to sit with it and figure out what the fuck my brain is telling me, like some shitty version of Lassie just barking all the time.
I imagine that, if I didn& #39;t need to transition, I wouldn& #39;t continually have these crises about whether or not I want/need to transition.
I had a really important phone call today, and a couple of really hard conversations. When this is over, I& #39;m going to talk to my doctor about HRT. There& #39;s a lot of fear and anxiety, but I know it& #39;s what& #39;s right for me.
I& #39;ve identified as non-binary for some time, but I& #39;ve always presented masculine. I don& #39;t think that& #39;s the right place for me. There& #39;s a lot to figure out - do I fit into a binary, do I not? I don& #39;t know, but time will tell.
Lockdown has, apparently, done some good for me.
Just had a really productive talk with my therapist. I& #39;m going to see what the story is work my PCP. The tough thing is I will need a blood draw and don& #39;t know if that can happen right now, but I& #39;ll see.
I& #39;m both scared and excited.
I& #39;m both scared and excited.
Made the difficult phone call today and am now scheduled for a session with the transgender health clinic on Friday. Woof.
