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Okay fine since some of y’all up and want some tea. 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😒" title="Unamused face" aria-label="Emoji: Unamused face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙄" title="Face with rolling eyes" aria-label="Emoji: Face with rolling eyes">
So my homegirl decided I needed new things in my life a few months ago. This particular homie probably wasn’t the best person to snag a date from but hindsight aint twenty twenty.
So she literally calls the guy up is tells this guy “ Aye my friend needs to get laid. She been fckin the same guy forever. She fine. She single. Come thru.” I’m in the passenger seat in a panic cause I ain’t even desperate.
So he’s cool about it she hands me the phone. We chat. I basically tell him hey I’m just trying to get out the house. My dogs missing. I took a week off work and I just hate being a home. So he’s like I’ll get us a room take ya mind off it....
So he’s totally sweet. Gets the room. Picks up dinner. Rolls up. Grabs a bottle. The whole 9. We talk all night and I dozed off in his arms.
I wake up in a panic. Once again. Cause I done laid up with a hood mf I don’t even know with my car keys and purse out. In Birmingham, Alabama like they wasn’t on First 48. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😯" title="Hushed face" aria-label="Emoji: Hushed face"> But I find my stuff untouched and he left gas money.
So I go home. He calls to make sure I’m good and we leave it at that. I go on about my life ignoring texts and calls cause it’s 2020. I mean can we take new niggas seriously quickly ladies? NO.
Oh but he’s TRYING TRYING. I’m taking dates. Calls. Texts. Every is perfect..... too perfect. So I did the right thing and fcked it up. I asked for his government name and FB name. Time to dig.
So I’m researching and I find a BM and a pregnant ex..... he beat a murder charge..... he crippin crazy....... he obviously has a side job he ain’t tell me about..... and he has a bit of a temper.
But I’m like ima chill I just met him. Ima let him tell me what’s up whenever since I ain’t ask technically he didn’t lie..... but next thing I know dates turn into dck and now I’m getting a little hooked on phonics. Cause I mean baby he was putting the DOWNSOUTH in downsouth d.
So everyone’s like Lexy.... chill. He’s obviously ummm not what you deserve. He has issues. Red flags. He fights in his sleep girl. But I’m smoking free bud. And getting good head. So I’m high and happy and don’t care.
So after a few weeks of coming over he done ran everyone off. Even my roommate moved out. WEEKS.
I go thru his phone at this point cause I ain’t trying to be booboo https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤡" title="Clown face" aria-label="Emoji: Clown face">. Like hold up. I’m loosing faithful d. My friends. Roommate. He better be worth it. And turns out he wasn’t but he ate me so good and said he’d work on it so I let him make it. Plus he was a good costar.
So time goes by and I’m literally. Sucking this man’s soul out nightly. Eeating ass Riding d backwards. Coming up with all kinds of tricks. Cause with Mfs like him who see hoes all day you gotta blow they mind for them to act semidecent https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙄" title="Face with rolling eyes" aria-label="Emoji: Face with rolling eyes">. Bihs be givin head for a g these days.
So tonight i swear I fcked him so long Rod Waves new album played three times in the background. Oh like I put him to SLEEP SLEEP. And then I went on to do my research cause I’m NOT WASTING MY TIME ON MFS. IF YOU GOT HOES I DO TOO.
Well I guess he heard me scrolling cause he woke up and asked me did I have his phone. (He usually sleeps on top of it now). I got on top of him and started kissing on him and said let’s be homies since you a hoe. And I politely gave his phone back. He threw my ass. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face" aria-label="Emoji: Loudly crying face">
Well he then proceeded to angrily pack his hoebag and call a ride. He left all kinds of shit. I wonder if EBay still open https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙃" title="Upside-down face" aria-label="Emoji: Upside-down face">. But when I looked on FB. I was blocked. When I called I was blocked. So I’m like.....
How you mad cause your phone unlocked and you out here laying good d. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😒" title="Unamused face" aria-label="Emoji: Unamused face"> THEN to add insult to injury you getting rid of mfs and whispering promises in a bih ear while her legs by the headboard. Like what you expect to happen bruh. You brought this on ya self.
I made it VERY simple for bruh. We can do this nasty shit any time. We can kick it. Match one. Hell I’ll buy ya kids a meal. We can be just friends. But he wanted to come running the show and of course I had to regulate.
So I’m a back a free agent. Ain’t even got a costar. Or entertainment no more. Thinking about packing up and going to my mamas house cause a bih a lil sad now. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😅" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😅" title="Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat"> Mfs been letting me ride his face for two months then dipped.
