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talking about a manipulative friendship & how i overcame it: a thread (rant; will delete in the morning)
i met this friend a long time ago, and we hit it off pretty well. we loved each other in an instant, talking about things we loved, and we had good chemistry. they were very sweet to me all the time, and i genuinely thought that it was going to stay that time for a long time.
this person was so unlike anyone i met before, i could talk to them about anything and i felt safe. i was never judged. we began getting close, told each other our deepest secrets and felt comforted in the fact that everything was safe with them. i told them my regrets and guilt.
i think we both had damaged childhoods and wanted control of one part of our lives. a desire to control something out of being cast ashore all of our lives. i don& #39;t blame them; they had been through hell. however, things took a turn for the worst when actions got blamed on me.
it was december. this friend knew i was vulnerable because of someone very close to me having passed during this month. this friend also was vulnerable, and this particular time, they couldn& #39;t hold in their regret for not being the person they wanted to be for their loved one.
i would be there for them no matter what, i was so attached to them that i felt i no longer could live without them. one day, i went to do something for a quick fifteen minutes, and when i came back to check my phone, they had posted things about ending their life.
they didn& #39;t respond for the rest of the night. i was filled up with so much guilt and anxiety, i had thought that they may have actually ended it and that it had been my fault. i cried the entire night, hoping by some sign from heaven that i would get a text that they were okay.
things began to go downhill since that day. they had seen that i was vulnerable and blamed myself. they began a series of depressive actions, each time alluding to them wanting to end their life. it went on for months, and each time i felt responsible for making them depressed.
it got worse. they made me feel responsible for every thing that happened to them, even to the point where i felt guilty for having the same birthday as someone they loved. it was normal for me to sit around and on the floor crying hoping that i wasn& #39;t the reason they were sad.
i didn& #39;t think it was bad because i loved them so much. however, one day, this friend began receiving threats. i had been worried, telling them to tell someone with authority who could actually do something about the situation: not to a girl who was not in a good mental state.
they didn& #39;t listen. i comforted them each time, trying to get them to change their opinion on the it. at this point, this friend had me brainwashed. they began having cryptic dreams and that i was part of it. i believed it was my responsiblity to lead them to a better light.
eventually, i got a threat myself. i was so terrified, i thought that this person behind the threat had found me and was going to do terrible things to me. i had told my friend, however, she told me that she would take care of it, and that i should not tell anyone i got it.
i found this odd, but i wasn& #39;t in the headspace to tell them that. i was worried, and was conflicted on who to tell them since the anxiety ate me alive. before i went to the authorities, i decided to consult one of my most trusted cousins. i broke down, and told them everything.
they told me how it was so odd how this person who threatened me knew how to contact me if they only knew my friend. my friend said that they must& #39;ve hacked their information to get it, but my cousin mentioned how the threat had information only me and my friend knew.
i talked to my parents about it, and got the most eye-opening lecture. they went on about how i shouldn& #39;t share everything to people online, and they were right. they made me tell my friend that the threats had to be solved or that they would be contacting their parents.
i told this to my friend, and all of a sudden, they said that the problem had gone away. they said they talked to the person and how the problem was so easy to solve, but strongly emphasized to not go to their parents. i thought this was odd, but i knew that my cousin was right.
my friend had been making the threats and sending them to me, under a fake name, to get me to feel anxiety. they wanted to have control of someone& #39;s life, someone to manipulate. although this was a terrible experience, i learned valuable things.
