WHO: There is a pandemic on the way.
Govt: .............. Ok

Govt: We are not pursuing herd immunity
WHO: Yes you are

Govt: The science has changed.
Scientists: The Science has not changed.
WHO: The Science has not changed.

Govt: We’re talking to supermarkets
Supermarkets: You are not

Govt: There’s a shortage of chemicals
Chemicals companies: There isn’t

Govt: The science has changed
Scientists: No it hasn’t

Govt: We never got the email
EU: Yes you did

Govt: 25,000 tests per day
PHE: 7,000 tests per day
Govt: Ventilator companies are making ventilators for us
Ventilator Companies: you never got back to us. Dyson are though

Govt: We’ve got 30,000 ventilators coming
Dyson: actually, it’s 30 for now

Govt: PPE has been delivered
NHS: No it hasn’t

Govt: We’ve built the Nightingale
Nurses: No staff for it though

Govt: Unprecedented economic package!
Self-employed: Not until June!

Govt: Banks will give you short term loans
Banks: 40% OD rates & we want your home as collateral

Govt: Save the NHS
Me: You bastards have been killing it for the last decade

Govt: We are not lying
Media: oh ok, good job old boy

Govt: Let's clap for the NHS workers
Media: We will never mention your incompetency and spin this as a nation that loves the NHS while underfunded

the list was created by Ricky Coxon, although he was at pains to point out that the research was mostly done by others on twitter, Wikileaks and elsewhere, I added a bit also lol

Originally taken from @Skawkbox